


Whiskey Alpha Romeo: Hardship in a time of healing

by Ktspree13



Series: Three Little Words [2]
Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Artist Loki (Marvel), Bottom Loki (Marvel), Bottom Thor (Marvel), Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Hair Braiding, Happy Ending, Hospitalization, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Long Hair, M/M, Marine Corps, Mental Health Issues, Military Backstory, Nipple Play, Nurse Thor, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Panic Attacks, Patient Loki, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sick Loki (Marvel), Top Loki (Marvel), Top Thor (Marvel), anemia, but loki and tony become friends, good family dynamics, it's very small, lots of, mantis is also in this but it's a tiny tiny role, the grandmaster has a small part in this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-09-04 22:44:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 77,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16798522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ktspree13/pseuds/Ktspree13
Summary: When Loki first came to Hope General, he didn't expect to find any part of the experience pleasurable.  Thor turned everything around from the moment they met.  Ten months into his stay and he has a new hope, and a new love.  With his transplant moving ahead and his relationship growing, he just has to find a way to cope with all the changes going on.  Will the transplant be successful or will he have to find another avenue?  Can he learn to adapt?  As things progress, there's a new worry on his mind.  Does Thor even know him outside his illness?  Will he still love him when he's no longer a patient?  Can he pick his life back up after so many months in limbo?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to pt. 2 of my big bang fic!!! :D :D :D No surprise, it's not finished yet. BUT, I do have at least 13 chapters done, so, you're welcome. :P I'm just a little over halfway done with final edits on what I have so far. Regardless, here's the first little bit. Sorry it's only a teaser chapter. ;) Hehe.
> 
> Once again, thank you soooo much to my beta, Tatiana. She's been with me through all of this and has been great to bounce ideas off of! <3

**YEAR TWO**

***

Loki pressed back, hard, into the propped-up hospital mattress, his hands gripping the guardrails tightly. “Thor…” he whimpered, biting his lip. “What are you doing?” Loki had returned from a treatment a few hours ago and he’d just woken up to find Thor sitting by his side. His head ached, and he felt very weak, but Thor seemed to have a better prescription in mind than sleeping. It felt incredible. His hips rocked gently into the hand Thor had wrapped around his cock and he moaned. 

“Is it too much?” Thor asked, sounding worried. Loki’s eyes glazed over in pleasure, giving a slight smile as Thor watched him. “I just thought it might help you feel better. I know these treatments are hard on you.” Thor kissed his cheek as he lengthened his strokes on Loki’s member.

“No, s’good,” he mumbled, drawing in harsh breaths. “I’ve…missed this…” He swallowed and turned his face to stare back at Thor. When he felt Thor’s thumb circling his slit, he cried out, his head sinking further against the mattress. “Aaahh! Thor!!” Loki let go of one of the guardrails, shaking, and placed his hand over Thor’s to feel his movements. He was starting to feel lightheaded and Thor’s hand was a good anchor for him.

“How do you feel?” Thor asked, always the caretaker. Loki liked to tease him, that he could never shut the nurse side of himself off. But it didn’t bother him much.

“Fuck, Thor…” Loki squeezed his eyes shut as Thor placed an open-mouthed kiss on the pulse point on the left side of his neck. He didn’t want to do this right now, but he didn’t want to avoid Thor’s question. “A bit lightheaded,” he confessed, letting out another moan. “Weak.” His hips jutted up sharply, trying to contradict that last statement. The blond chuckled. “Thor…” he whined.

“You’d tell me if we needed to stop?” Thor mouthed behind Loki’s ear.

“Yes,” he agreed, quickly, blinking his eyes open. “It feels good… It feels good…” he chanted. His head was swimming with pleasure, and it was combating the earlier pain quite nicely. Thor flicked his thumb over his frenulum and it felt like a jolt of lightning had gone down his spine. “Hah-ah!” he cried, trying hard to be quiet. His door was shut, but it was possible for someone to come check, if he was too loud. Thor ran his free hand through Loki’s hair, massaging his scalp lightly.

“That’s it, love,” he smiled, peppering kisses over Loki’s face. In the half a year they’d gotten to know each other, Thor had discovered a few spots that drove him crazy during sex. One was his frenulum, that little “v” where head met shaft, and Thor loved the way it pulled him apart. He massaged it now, clearly trying to bring him off without exhausting him too much. Loki’s grip on Thor’s hand, his grip on the guardrail, they both tightened considerably. He was shaking his head back and forth.

“Thor!” Loki’s breaths became shakier as Thor continued to press and rub against his sensitive nerve endings. “Thor!” Loki sobbed one last time as he leaned his head against Thor’s and came with effusion. His hips stuttered to a stop as cum splattered over his and Thor’s joined hands. When his breathing had evened out again, he gave Thor a small headbutt. “Every fucking time,” he grinned, closing his eyes. “You know just how to get to me.” Thor kissed his temple and quickly grabbed the wipes he’d set aside. These messes could be triggering for his OCD, sometimes, and Thor always made quick work of the cleanup. It was one of the things Loki was so grateful about. He didn’t just accept his condition, he respected the things that made it more difficult and steered clear.

“I do try to pay attention,” Thor smiled, happily. These moments together were nice, when he wasn’t too sick to talk or too weak to stay awake. But they were also the most overwhelming for him. Thor had that look on his face that he was quickly coming to despise and crave at the same time. It was disorienting and frustrating. It was a look like he’d just orgasmed on his feelings alone, and Loki found it hard to relate. He was never fulfilled until Thor had wrung him out to dry; never complete until he saw Thor’s own pleasure erupting on his face; never satisfied until this big bear of a man was resting in his arms. So often he didn’t have the energy to do anything at all, and Thor simply contented himself by laying next to him. He’d told him how close it made him feel, how happy he was to be able to care for Loki. But when he was helpless…when he could do nothing but be taken care of…when he could share nothing of himself, not even wrap his hand in Thor’s...those were the moments he felt furthest away. Loki’s hand reached down towards Thor’s crotch and fumbled with the button on his pants. The blond seemed startled. “Loki…” Thor held tightly to his hand.

“I’m feeling good, Thor,” he pouted, frustrated. Thor needed to stop treating him so gingerly. “I’m tired, but if I don’t have your dick in my hand in the next minute, there will be consequences.” Loki stopped what he was doing to put both hands on his hips and glare at Thor, pointedly. Thor smiled back at him warmly.

“OK.” He put his hands up in surrender as Loki shifted himself over on the bed. “OK,” he agreed, helping Loki turn carefully onto his side, as he climbed into the bed to lay next to him. Thor stroked his hair again as his free hand went to unbutton his fly and pull out his rigid cock. Loki’s hand immediately encircled it.

“I missed you,” Loki whispered towards his dick. Thor laughed as Loki stroked him fondly. “They all worry that you’re bad for my health, Hercules.” Loki patted the top of his glans and Thor hissed at the contact.

“You named my penis Hercules?”

“I got dicked so hard, he deserves that title!” Loki objected. Thor smirked at him and shook his head.

“OK, but don’t let it get to his head,” he joked. Loki sighed like it was the greatest imposition in the world.

“Fine,” he lamented, rolling his eyes. “Now, lube me and let’s get this party started.” Loki smiled and kissed his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should know, this scene was written VERY early on in the process. So early that it was written in Thor's point of view, and I had to change it later on when I decided this part would be written in Loki's pov. ;) (you're welcome, btw) So, while you lose some of Thor's sweet thoughts here, you gain some angsty Loki thoughts about feeling farther away from Thor. But yes, this bit was an image in my head almost from the moment I decided to write this fic, and I definitely had to write it up. Hehe! <3 Hopefully you enjoyed. ;)
> 
> Find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!! :D <3 Here's the first official long chapter of this work. There are a few foreign words/phrases I use in this part. You can find the translations in the end notes (as I didn't want to spoil anyone putting them here). :) If you haven't figured it out by now, this entire fic will be Loki's point of view. :) Hopefully it works out just as well as getting Thor's pov. ;) The other thing, my tabbed formatting didn't stick when moving from google docs to AO3, so I've just given up on properly tabbing over each new line of dialog and such. Hopefully no one is offended. :P
> 
> As always, I tried my best to represent the hospital situation Loki is in, but this is a work of fiction and I'm sure a lot of how things happen aren't how things work in an actual medical environment. Please forgive any major boundaries I've crossed. I hope I've been able to create a real enough environment for readers to enjoy. :) <3

A lot had happened in the two months since his mother had found him with Thor. Loki smiled, thinking about it. It had been awkward, but he didn’t regret any of it. They’d had a meeting with everyone on his transplant team shortly after they’d been found out. Thor and Loki confessed it was a really meaningful relationship they were in. His father had also asked if Thor was Wonder Boy, embarrassing Loki in the process. Thor wasn’t supposed to know about the nickname he’d come up with all those months ago, and now everyone was calling him Wonder Boy. It had been tense in the room for a little while, though. He was pretty sure everyone could tell his father wanted to say something about the whole thing, but no one else wanted Thor to get in trouble. Evelyn and Pam had even admitted to pushing them together quite a bit. It had made him chuckle at the two scheming women. Eventually, Laufey let it go, but turned to everyone.

“It should be clear by now that this situation is unique,” he started. “I would not normally tolerate this from anyone on my staff. Not only is it against our hospital policies, it’s also against the ethics code I expect you all to follow.” They’d all nodded. When Thor offered his resignation, Loki’s claws came out. He was determined that Thor wouldn’t catch the fallout for this. He didn’t care what he had to say. Luckily his father had turned him down and let the whole matter drop. 

Thor was removed from his care team, moving forward, though. Which he did not appreciate. The only other nurse he’d had any lengthy interaction with was Natasha. She wasn’t anything like Thor, but she was efficient, to the point, and good at what she did. He’d enjoyed his conversations with her, as brief as they were, at the movie nights in the mental ward. If he had to pick someone new, he’d prefer to pick someone he was familiar with. Anyone else, and he’d be too unnerved trying to figure them out to trust them. So Natasha it would be. The rest of the meeting focused on the next steps for his transplant. The disclaimer was, there was a potential it wouldn’t work, and it’s not like you could stop halfway through chemo and take it back. Which made the decision even more stressful. He had to be sure this was the route he wanted to take before they even took any steps forward. Dr. Banner laid out a few other options for him; nothing he wasn’t already aware of. But this was his best shot, so he had to take it. If this woman was as good of a match as the doctor had made it sound, then he felt confident things would be alright. Bruce hadn’t steered him wrong yet.

Next came round after round of testing. Waiting for results. Waiting until he was at the “peak of health.” Things had moved rather quickly from there, he felt; too quickly. With the go-ahead from his results, his health in a good place, he’d been scheduled for surgery within a day of the a-ok. No time to adjust, really, just a constant movement towards d-day...t-day, to be more accurate. They’d installed a port catheter in his chest. A central venous catheter, or CVC, as they called it. Some mornings he’d forget it had even happened. He’d wake up with this feeling of pressure...like his skin was stretched too thin over the area. And then he’d look down and see the lump and break into a sweat. He’d text Thor, and, bless his soul, he’d always write back with what it was, what it was for, not to play with it, and not to freak out. Like he hadn’t told him what it was probably five times before. Then he’d come by and bring him a hot cup of tea and kiss his forehead.

He was overly done with the whole situation, and they were barely into the process. He’d likely have this catheter in for the rest of the year; taunting him, showing his weakness and deformity off to anyone who looked. He’d taken to wearing giant, bulky sweaters just so he didn’t have to see it. Some days he had to restrain himself from hitting at it or scratching it out. It was difficult to stop, with his OCD on overdrive. An intrusion on his body; something that didn’t belong; wrong, his mind supplied. It was difficult to process everything when all he did was lie in bed and wish the world would stop spinning around him. It felt like each revolution the earth took, he was moving with it. Unable to stop, always swirling, turning, whirling with the universe. The best remedy was Thor’s blessedly bulky form. He’d lay on top of him, pinning him down to the bed, to the earth, to reality, with his warm weight. Then he’d massage around Loki’s eyes and temples until things stopped spinning and he wasn’t so detached from gravity anymore.

His second choice was the beautiful weighted blanket his mother had made for him. It was a quilt, and a true work of art. It went with him almost everywhere since she’d gifted it. The middle was meant to represent Yggdrasil, the world tree; the border was all different, unique snowflake patterns. The weights were removable, and the backside was a soft, plush fleece. Comforting, beautiful, home. He could hide under the blanket and forget where he was for a little while. Some days he’d collapse under the blanket, playing with the little ball of clay Thor had given him, and he’d fall asleep that way. Perfectly content in the little cocoon. Thor would find him that way, sometimes. When he was off shift, sometimes he’d curl up right next to him. When that happened, Loki would eventually migrate his way to lying on top of Thor, pressing his ear against his chest and falling asleep to the steady beat of Thor’s heart.

***

Loki laid in bed, his blanket draped over his legs as the poison slowly dripped through the IV and into his veins. He never imagined having to go through chemo, but here he was, on his last day of it. They told him the side effects could start up a month after he’d gone through this whole process, and it soured his stomach thinking about it. Whoever came up with this drug was a real sycophant. He sighed, looking over at his mother. She was here with him quite a bit, now that he was allowing visitors again. Always a craft project in hand. Today she was working on a ridiculously large gauged circle scarf for him. It was a soft wool yarn in a sky grey color. He loved it.

“Mor,” he mumbled, feeling bad disturbing her. He’d given up trying to focus on the Theban plays in their original Greek a long time ago. Farbauti looked over and smiled at him.

“What do you think, elskling?” she asked, holding up her progress so far. His parents still spoke Norwegian around the house sometimes, his grandparents having spoken it almost exclusively, and they’d all never gotten out of the habit of calling each other names in the native language. His parents had always been Mor and Far. Himself relegated to elskling or, his father’s favorite, hele meg.

Loki smiled. “I love it.” He closed the book of plays that had laid open on his lap, putting the book aside.

“Do you need something?” she asked, putting the scarf down to move over to him. Loki blushed.

“I’m alright,” he replied, feeling like a bother already. Farbauti kissed his temple.

“Nonsense. What do you need?” she insisted. The chemo burned in his chest, and he desperately needed a new distraction as the drugs destroyed his faulty bone marrow and pesky immune system.

“Can you bring me the Fletcher books?” he asked, his face flushing further. He’d been in art school when these children’s books came out, but fell in love with little Fletcher regardless. He wished he’d gotten to read them as a child growing up. They told the story of a sweet little fox who got anxious about things in his life. They were comforting to him, even though he was no longer a child. “And maybe a little water.” After a few minutes, his mother came back with a whole tray of items. “Where did all this come from?” he gaped. She had a small glass of orange juice, some carrots, a bottle of sparkling water, and some ginger candies sitting on a tray, the books sitting next to all of it.

“Well, I did a little Googling,” she admitted, placing the tray down on the over-the-bed table and pushing it towards him. Loki smiled.

“Mom, you didn’t… You know they take good care of me here, right?” he smiled, picking her hand up in his and placing a kiss on the top.

“I know,” she fussed, arranging the blanket on him a little. “I just wanted to have things here for you. So when you were sleeping one day, I had your father put a little mini-fridge in our room. It said orange juice helped with dry mouth, and the carrots were good for a boost of something. The ginger candies are from Erika. She made those herself, you know, and wanted you to have a big batch of them. For the nausea and all that.” Loki sniffed, feeling overwhelmed. He’d tried to keep everyone at bay for so long, because he hadn’t wanted anyone to fuss over him. He’d wanted to forget this whole mess was happening. Thor helped him see that it did nothing but hurt the ones around him. They wanted him to be a burden. To let them just sit and stare, or talk, or get things for him. And no one looked down on him for it. It was a hard adjustment. He didn’t like people in his space, touching his things, creating a mess. It was good for him to work through. 

“Thank you,” he swallowed, picking up the orange juice and drinking some of it. His mother opened the sparkling water for him and set it back down.

“You’re my baby, elskling. I’ll never not want to take care of you.” Loki flushed, feeling helpless, but loved all the same for it.

“Mor…” He reached a hand out to her, which she took in her own. “Can you...can you maybe cut my hair tomorrow?” he asked. His mother was a hair stylist, after all, and his hair was getting rather long; almost down to his shoulder blades. And he loved it when his mother pampered him with a mini spa day. They were always the best. Farbauti smiled.

“Of course, darling.” She squeezed his hand in her own then let it go when Loki pulled away.

“Thank you,” he murmured, picking up one of the ginger candies and placing it in his mouth. It was gummy and sweet with just the right amount of spice on his tongue. He hummed in contentment as Farbauti chose “Fletcher and the Falling Leaves” to read. It was his favorite book of the bunch. He had 20 more minutes of this torture, then a whole day of laying around, nauseous and drained. But as she read, things seemed more and more manageable. He munched on what she’d brought him, finally relaxed, and let her voice soothe him right into slumber.

***

Just before his chemo started, two additional measures had been taken to ensure a safe environment in his room. The first, a high powered ventilation system had kicked in. It filtered the air that made it into his room to ensure no kind of germs from the outside would be floating around the space. The other was an air lock. This was, essentially, a secondary door to get into the room. It ensured there was no contamination from outside when people came in. This particular addition was hard won, for Loki. As the chemotherapy worked to destroy his immune system, and keep his body from attacking the new cells he’d be receiving, it made him so much more susceptible to infection. An isolation period was typical for a bone marrow transplant, or BMT as they’d gone to shortening it to. Dr. Banner felt strongly that he needed to stay in the wing of the hospital that was equipped to handle this. Nurses who were specifically trained to care for patients undergoing a BMT. But he didn’t want to say goodbye to Evelyn and Pam. Even Hogun would be missed. The man was always silent and respectful when he checked on him. It put him at ease.

Now he had to move some of his things to a different place? Be cared for by more strangers he didn’t know? Accept that anyone who came to visit would have to wear gowns and gloves and masks, just to be around him? It wasn’t fair. He shouldn’t have to accept this. 

***

He argued with Bruce. “I don’t care about the risks. I want to stay in my own space. I don’t want special nurses. I want nurses I know. This is the whole reason for the suite, anyways.” He was throwing a bit of a tantrum, but he was too anxious to care. “How can you do this to me? Shouldn’t I have a say in my own treatment?” He wished Thor were here as he stressed and ranted. Instead, his parents sat on either side of him, holding onto his hands.

“Of course you should have a say,” Dr. Banner replied. “We need to work with your comfort level, Loki, but there’s no way I can sign off on you staying in your suite for the first part of your recovery. There’s too much risk.” They all took a few deep breaths, letting the emotions calm in the room.

“Hele meg…” his father turned to look at him. It was a beseeching expression and he always felt like such a small child when his father gave him that look. “It’s too dangerous not to follow Bruce’s instructions. If you want to give yourself the best chance to recover, then we need to find a way to make this work.” And what was he supposed to say to that? No, I’d rather have a horrific, slow recovery and risk ruining the transplant in the process? No. 

Loki looked back over at Dr. Banner. “Bare minimum, how can we make this work?” Both his parents squeezed his hands in support. He was liking this worse and worse the closer they got to t-day. 

Bruce considered it for a little while.  “Bare minimum? First 30 days have to be spent in the transplant wing. Any shorter and it’s too much of a risk for infection. After that?” He shrugged his shoulders. “If we install an air lock on the door, you should be OK to spend the last 100 days of isolation in your own rooms. Same rules apply, though. Gloves, gowns, masks for any visitors. Physical contact kept to a minimum.” It sounded awful.

“Then I, at least, get to set up the room beforehand and meet the nurses,” he insisted. Isolation was going to drive him crazy. He wasn’t about to let all the other changes further drive in the wedge. Banner gave a glance to Laufey, as his father nodded.

“This is easily done,” his father insisted.

***

He complained to Eir later that week, ranting about how he had to be uprooted from everything he’d finally gotten situated with. It was going to put more stress on him to be in a new place. He didn’t want so many new people around. He was going to lose his mind being in isolation. Not fair, not fair, not fair! And she’d agreed. It wasn’t fair, but that’s the cards he was dealt, so how did he plan to handle it? Well he wanted to sit and stew about it until things changed. But that wasn’t going to happen. So he did the hard work and came up with a plan. It was smart and mature and exactly what he didn’t want to do about the situation. 

***

Later that evening he was having dinner with his mother and Thor, and they got to hear about it all over again.

“I know you can make it, love,” Thor smiled at him, biting into a hamburger from the hospital cafeteria and spooning a second helping of his mother’s couscous onto his plate. When the dust had settled, Thor had quickly become a family favorite. His parents both loved Thor, though Laufey was a much harder sell. When he confessed that it was Thor who got him to open back up and let everyone visit again, Laufey was sold. Thor was officially one of his favorite people. Loki had wanted to laugh.

“I won’t make it,” Loki whined. “I will die, lonely or surrounded by people wearing masks and gowns and gloves who can’t touch me.” Thor leaned over and kissed his temple. He was feeling coddled.

“Well, at least you will be surrounded by people who love you,” Thor replied. “Even if we look like the boogeyman.” His mother chuckled next to them.

“Yes, we will be there all the way until the end,” she smirked. Loki sighed

“Can’t any of you just let me whine and complain and agree how horrible everything is?” he protested. Was a little sympathy too much to ask for??

“Mmm, nope,” Thor smirked at him. The perfect jerk.

“We’ll get through this, Loki. What is a few months? It’s nothing compared to having the rest of your life,” his mother argued. He took a small bite of the couscous. It was amazing, as always, though a little less satisfying with all the drugs coursing through him. Things just didn’t taste the same. And she was right...they were all right. A few months, a year...what is it compared to having the rest of his life? He sighed again, pulling Thor closer to him.

“If I can’t touch you all for the next 100 days, you had both better climb in this bed right now,” he pouted. Thor smiled and rearranged things to comply, but his mother just sat and watched.

“Elskling, that bed is too small for three. I will simply have to join you another day,” she smiled, watching Thor climb in beside Loki as she kept eating.

“Alright,” Loki mumbled, staring over at her. When he’d practically crawled into Thor’s lap, they moved the over-the-bed table back towards them and started eating again. “There’s so much I’m going to miss.” His hand hovered over where the port was lodged under his skin. Even with the large sweater covering it, he still wanted to scratch it out right now. Instead, he grabbed onto Thor’s shirt as he fed him a bite of the couscous.  _ ‘Wrong, wrong wrong…’ _ his mind whispered.

“Darling, don’t worry about it. We’ll make sure to Skype a lot. Your father and I will visit you every day. There’s email and social media...” Farbauti tried to assure him there wouldn’t be much he’d miss.

“I’ll be by as much as I can, as well. When I’m not working. We’ll try to make it feel like it was no time at all,” Thor replied. As Loki nodded, Laufey stepped into the room. Thor took another bite of the burger, before ruffling Loki’s hair.

“Mirakelgutt!” Laufey called. Loki groaned. His father had stopped with the Wonder Boy nickname just to start saying the same thing to Thor in Norwegian. The blond had no idea. Thor thought it was just another term of endearment his parents used.

“Mr. Jokulssen!” Thor swallowed quickly, shaking Laufey’s hand.

“How are you?” his father asked them both. Thor placed a kiss to Loki’s temple again, encouraging him to go first. Loki pursed his lips before giving him.

“I’m still upset,” Loki told him.  _ ‘Wrong, wrong wrong,’ _ his mind supplied again, as he fought the urge to scratch at his skin.

His father leaned down to clasp his face in his hands, calming him a little. It was a ritual they’d started the first time Loki was in the hospital. The first moment they were together, he’d clasp his face and whisper “Vær bra, ” or “be well.” Loki always replied with a smile, if he could muster one. 

Today wasn’t a smiling kind of day. He continued to sulk, but replied “Jeg har det bra,” meaning ‘I am well.’ If he said it enough, or thought it enough, perhaps it would be true. It worked for him when he was a kid, after all.

“We’ll get everything sorted before the 29th,” Laufey told him. “So, you may be upset if you wish, but I will not be.” His father straightened back up and sat in the chair Thor had vacated, kissing Farbauti on her cheek. Loki debated if he wanted another bite of food or not.

“How are you, husband?” she asked, passing him a paper plate with couscous and salad on it.

“Things are good!” Laufey grinned, ferally. “It’s a good day when I’m not pulled from meeting to meeting and I have a little breathing room in my day. You were right. Miss Potts was an excellent choice for the board. She’s incredibly efficient.” 

Farbauti smiled. “I’m glad.” His parents seldomly shared intimacies like this in front of others. Loki was comforted to see them so happy together.

“So, Thor, how was your day?” Laufey asked, shoving some of the couscous in his mouth. Loki watched as a beautiful smile took over Thor’s face. It made him blush. Some days he couldn’t believe this amazing man was his and that everyone—his parents, Thor’s parents, both of them—all got along so well. Thor was like a second son, anymore, and Loki had really enjoyed meeting Thor’s parents. Frigga was so caring and sweet. She gushed over Loki’s sketches—the studio was closed up for now, and he really wanted to be able to show off his paintings when he was well—and all the books he’d amassed in the little study. For Christmas, she’d surprised him with a few plants for his room. The first was a beautiful pot of peace lilies. Known to filter toxins in the air, she’d said. The second, some purple orchids. He’d forgotten the whole name, but they were so pretty sitting next to his bed. He liked to stare at them in the morning and remind himself that somewhere out in Virginia was another mother who cared about him. It was overwhelming to think about, sometimes. 

The third she called a snake plant, which had made Thor snort for some reason. When he asked about it later, Thor said the more common name was Mother-in-law’s Tongue. It was funny, if a little presumptuous, and he’d laughed thinking about her buying the plant for him when they hadn’t even met before. That one was a green, leafy plant, larger than the other two. It stayed on the floor near the window. He didn’t even have to worry about killing these plants. Thor knew exactly how to care for all of them; just a gift that kept on giving. Odin was harder to get to know. The man was mysterious and quiet, but also warm and boisterous when you got him going. They’d talked for quite some time about Shakespeare. Thor’s voice broke him from his reverie.

“I’ve actually been assigned to the pediatric ward quite a bit, lately, and it’s been great. I love all the little ones.” Loki watched as his parents actually melted listening to Thor. He didn’t know how he did it. Thor took another big bite of his burger, talking around it a little. “Did I ever tell you about Reese?” he asked Loki. Thor had spoken of her a few times before, and he found it adorable how the little girl had latched onto the larger man. He shook his head “no” just to hear the stories all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mor = Mother  
> Far = Father  
> Elskling = Darling  
> Hele meg = All of me  
> Mirakelgutt = miracle boy (closest I could get)  
> Vær bra = be well  
> Jeg har det bra = I am well
> 
> You all will eventually learn why I jokingly dubbed this the blanket fic, lol.
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13) if you want to keep in touch or chat. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the big day, everyone!!! :D The one we've all been waiting for. ;) I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had a blast writing it. <3 If you get a chance, let me know what you think.

It was the day before his transplant and Loki was climbing the walls. In the morning, he’d walk up to his new room and begin a whole new chapter of his life. With a 62% chance of success… Why was the success rate so low? Maybe he should have asked Dr. Banner this question… Maybe he should put the treatment off for a day or two. He didn’t have all the answers yet. It’s too soon. It’s bad luck to do the transplant on leap day. What were they thinking? It wasn’t lucky...it was bad luck. Bad bad bad…

Loki scratched at where the catheter was located. Scratching the itch that had been bothering him for a month. He stared out the window. It was late and slushy outside. Snowy and wet. A typical Chicago day in February, and one he didn’t envy not being outside for. He rubbed back and forth over the bump on his chest, wishing he could tear the thing out. Today Banner had told him the plants would have to be taken from his room until his isolation period was over. It was silly, but he was going to miss the gifts Frigga had given him. They showed off the beauty of her soul. Thor didn’t mind caring for them, but it was still upsetting. Loki picked up the cup that was sitting on the table and threw it across the room. 

The plastic clattered loudly on the floor and he immediately regretted throwing it. It hadn’t been very satisfying, and now the room was cluttered. Someone could trip on it. He started to scratch harder over the bump, noticing his breaths coming in quicker. No, this was ridiculous. He heaved himself up from the bed, swinging his legs over the side. The room swam for a moment as he got his bearings. “I’ll just pick up the damn cup,” he mumbled, glancing at the clock. It was still an hour before Thor was off. His mother had left a bag for him, telling him to open it when he felt like it. She hadn’t said what was inside. Maybe he should have opened it sooner. Maybe it needed to be refrigerated. He looked back at the cup. If something needed refrigerating, his mother would have said. He was being foolish, letting his anxiety into the driver’s seat. 

Loki took a deep breath, forcing his hand away from his chest and down to his side. He groaned, throwing a box of tissues at the cup before getting up. The tissues hit the cup with a ‘whump.’ It hit at just the right angle, causing the cup to spring up and fling further across the room, clicking and clattering along the way. OK, that had been a little more satisfying. But there was still a mess in the middle of the room, and it was making him anxious to leave it there. 

The world wasn’t as much of a fun house today, but he still felt unsteady on his feet. The second time he crashed back into the bed, he realized he needed to give up. Why was this so hard? He should have gotten a walker or a wheelchair or something so he could move around on his own within the room. That would have made sense, right? Yeah, right up until he crashed into a wall, he supposed. He stared back at the clock. 55 minutes. It took a bit of crawling, but he got back to laying on the bed after a few minutes, then stared at the items in the middle of the room. They were big enough that people would see them when they came in. He didn’t have to worry about it. He shouldn’t worry about it.

He got the little bag of green clay Thor had given him and opened it up. Squishing it in his hands made him feel better. Maybe this was Thor’s super power. To comfort people even when he wasn’t there. He took a few deep breaths, working out his anxiety with the clay. After a few minutes, he could stare at the items he’d thrown and not feel like he needed to immediately get out of bed to pick them up. Another ten minutes and he was able to put the clay away, the items on the floor nearly forgotten. Loki smiled, happy with his progress. He still felt a little twitchy, though. Books were hard to concentrate on right now, and he couldn’t stand up to paint. 

Thor had found a great alternative with the origami. It was complicated enough where Loki had to engage his brain to do it, but also easy enough where his mind could still wander a little. New shapes were taking too much energy lately, so he’d taken on a similar hobby. There were paper strips you could buy to make beads out of, but Loki had taken to using the paper to make little origami stars. He had a box that sat by his bed. When he finished one, he dropped it into the box until he was tired of making them. Then he’d take the box and string the stars into long garlands. He’d once made a whole headpiece out of them. They were all colors of the rainbow, and put a smile on his face. They were simple enough to make, too. Certainly kept his hands busy. He should ask Thor for a few supplies. He could make some hair accessories for some of the kids in the children’s ward. Little bendy clip barrettes with a string or two of stars hanging off of it. He wanted one…

***

“He got done with work 10 minutes ago,” Loki fretted into the phone. Darcy’s laugh met him on the other end. Whatever she was doing, it was loud. “What’s going on? Are you having a party? Am I not important enough to talk to right now?” He was being rude and needy, but he’d held off for an entire hour and now someone needed to listen to him vent.

“Hey, Cool Hand Luke, calm your tits.” He heard a door shut on the other end and the background noise disappeared. His face heated up at her insinuation, as he got angry all over again.

“Calm your own tits. Thor is late. I’ve already waited patiently for an hour,” he whined.

“Yeah, an hour where he was working, piglet. Ten minutes isn’t that late.” He heard something go off in the background.

“Seriously, what are you doing? I refuse to play second string for either of you,” he pouted, even though Darcy couldn’t see him right then.

“I’m at the gallery,” she told him. “Schmoozing some buyer for your paintings.” Loki rolled his eyes. It sounded like a lie, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe she did have some buyer on the line. Why there’d be an alarm going off at the gallery, though, he had no idea.

“Darcy, I can’t get out of this bed, and I’ve been waiting for Thor for over an hour. And I just want to start walking around to find him, but I can’t do that, so I need a distraction.” He found the little ball of Mad Mattr and started squeezing it in his free hand. “I’ve already made a hundred of those little paper stars, and I’m worried he isn’t coming. Maybe they told him he wasn’t allowed in or maybe they asked him to pick up another shift. Or maybe he forgot he was going to come by.” Darcy snorted on the other end.

“Are you listening to yourself?” she asked. Loki puffed out his cheeks.

“No. That’s your job.” His hand mashed the fake clay faster and faster.

“OK. Take a deep breath, hun. I’m sure there’s nothing wrong. He probably just got held up with a patient or something.” There was a noise like someone speaking over a loudspeaker, which sounded suspiciously like the hospital announcements he heard frequently.

“Are you at the hospital?” he asked, confused. Why would Darcy be here?

“What?” She sounded funny. “No. Wanda has some new interactive piece. Very avant garde. You’d hate it.” His brow furrowed.

“What is going on?” He usually loved Wanda’s work. What was wrong with Darcy?

“Look, sweets, I gotta go. I don’t want this buyer to slip away. Call me in 20 minutes if Thor still hasn’t shown up and I’ll get on the horn, I promise.” The line went dead. Loki was stunned. He sat there with his mouth hanging open for a few more seconds. Darcy never hung up on him. And she never put a buyer over their calls, unless she answered the phone that way. If the buyer was important, she’d say so right away and call him back. Now she hung up in the middle of their conversation and told him to call her back??? Well, one thing was for certain, he wasn’t worrying about Thor’s absence anymore.

***

When Thor finally arrived, 37 minutes late, the cup and the tissue box were still on the floor, along with a bunch of stars he’d thrown at them. Many didn’t make it past the foot of the bed, but enough of them scattered around to satisfy his chaotic feelings. Thor took one look at the items and just shook his head. Loki dropped the latest star on his lap and crossed his arms.

“You worked late,” he grumped. Thor smiled, and started picking up the items Loki had thrown. 

“Yeah,” he replied. “They needed me down in the emergency ward today, and I needed a little extra time to cool off.” Loki’s face fell. Thor had told him what those shifts had done to him, and it was never a good day when his shining sun was dragged through the mud.

“Nnnnggg….” Loki whined, reaching his hands out to Thor. When he’d put the last of the stars in Loki’s box and put the cup and tissues on the bedside table, Loki patted the space next to him. “Come lie with me.”

“Is it safe?” Thor worried, staring at Loki like he could see the germs spreading already.

“I don’t care. This is our last night before I go into isolation and can’t touch you for four months. You need it, I need it, now get over here,” Loki insisted. Thor smiled again.

“Alright. Let me get you a few things first,” he compromised. 

“I need you, in this bed. Nothing else,” Loki huffed. Thor found the bag from his mother and placed it on the bed, then went to get something from Loki’s room. When he returned, Loki recognized the Chinese patterned box in his hand. It was the baoding balls he used for meditation sometimes. Their weight and the noise was satisfying in the same way it was to sink his fingers through the Mad Mattr. Thor placed them gently in Loki’s lap before carefully climbing next to him on the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” Loki asked, letting Thor have a little space at the moment. The blond smirked over at him and pulled Loki closer.

“Not tonight,” he mumbled. Loki wrapped his arms tight around Thor.

“Alright,” he agreed,nuzzling against Thor’s shoulder. Thor smiled.

“I still want you to open the bag from your mother, then spend fifteen minutes with some meditation, because I know both will help you calm your mind,” he murmured, fully situated on the bed. Loki ran a hand up and down Thor’s chest, trying to soothe some of the tension he felt in the larger man’s body.

“Are you staying the night?” Loki deflected. Thor was right, as much as he wanted to pretend everything was good, he really should be going through some of his self-care steps instead of trying to divert his OCD. The room was finally clean, but that had only served to distract him from the bigger concern of tomorrow’s transplant. Thor placed a kiss on his temple and Loki turned to kiss his lips.

“If I can get someone to bring me a bag, sure. I have a few hours before the cafeteria closes, anyways. I can grab something quick or raid the staff refrigerator.” Loki wrapped his arms around Thor further, placing another kiss on his cheek, then on his jaw. The older man had taken the entire day off tomorrow, just to be with Loki as he went through the transplant. He couldn’t imagine what this process would have been like without him. 

How things had changed in just a few months. Before, he would never have thought to be so vulnerable around someone else. His parents, of course. But Thor knew more about him than even Darcy, and she was the closest friend he had. She was constantly telling Loki she was Team Thor, ever since Thanksgiving, when he’d actually opened up to her more than ever before. And things had gotten closer between them ever since. “Now, now,” Thor chided. “There’s some self-care steps here that need to be checked off first,” he insisted. Loki rolled his eyes. Sometimes he really hated how sensible this gorgeous man was.

He looked in the bag his mother had left. It was filled with things. She’d finished the giant scarf, and he put it on immediately, petting the soft wool. “It’s so cozy,” he marvelled. Thor wrapped an arm around his waist, leaning his head on Loki’s. The next was a pair of mittens, which he didn’t understand. They were bright green with a little thunderbolt pattern stitched into them. Really detailed work for his mother.

“We’ve all noticed,” Thor said. “You need to keep from scratching at yourself, and your mom suggested a pair of mittens.” Loki slipped them on, patting his hands together. He was going to be covered in soft fibers, soon enough, all made with love from his own mother.

“Cozy,” he said again, in awe of the care she’d put into making these things for him. He petted his face a few times, enjoying the feel of the mittens against his skin. It would be a great way to keep the scratching at bay. The next thing he found in the package were unscented lotions and lip balms, all from his mother’s salon. It was a small business. Maybe four women, each operating their own chairs. She was a founding member of the great little salon and took pride in the services and products they offered. They frequently tried different products to sell and use on their customers and these lotions and lip balms were very popular.

“Your skin gets really dried out with all these treatments,” Thor explained. He smiled, even though he’d heard it a thousand times already. Everyone was constantly reminding him to keep hydrated, keep your skin nourished. Try to avoid mouth sores. Do this, not that. It was sweet, if a bit unnecessary. The next items came wrapped with a ribbon around them. There was a quick sticky note that said “From Odin.” on it.

“Your dad sent me stuff?” Loki balked, removing the gloves. Thor rolled his eyes.

“Just wait,” he answered. Whatever was inside, Thor clearly didn’t appreciate. Loki removed the ribbon and stared at a book cover with a llama on it. Or maybe it was an alpaca. Who really knew the difference? It was wearing a winter hat. When he realized “The Winter Courtship Rituals of Fur-Bearing Critters” was actually a romance novel, his whole face turned red.

“What?” he sputtered. There were five other books. The next, “Thick as Thieves,” had a half naked man on it. The rest were a whole series of books, all pertaining to winter or Christmas: “Let it Snow,” “Sleigh Ride,” “Winter Wonderland,” and “Santa Baby.” Every cover featuring some rugged looking man and a wintry background. Thor sighed next to him.

“My dad thought there could be nothing better for recovery than some trashy romance novels filled with gossip and flowery prose. Then proceeded to contact my uncle Freyr for recommendations.” Loki burst out laughing. It was such a hilariously thoughtful gift, he almost couldn’t stand it.

“This is amazing,” he smiled, hugging the books to his chest, near squealing with delight. “I will love every one of these,” he decided, grinning up at Thor. “And then proceed to read them to you in all their gory detail.” Thor’s face was looking flushed, now, and Loki felt quite vindicated. “I can’t believe he went through all that trouble to find me gay porn,” Loki grinned. 

Thor laughed at that. “My dad can be surprisingly thoughtful sometimes,” he said as Loki read the back of “Thick as Thieves.”

“This one fucks himself on a unicorn horn,” he remarked, not sure what to do with that. Thor shook with laughter, the motion jostling Loki in turn as Thor was unable to control it.

“You can’t be serious,” Thor snickered. 

Loki’s mouth dropped open. “I’ll read it to you,” he challenged. “‘ After Vorgell the barbarian fucks himself with a unicorn horn, he ends up in a cell with Maddog, a pretty young thief.’” Thor fell forward next to him, holding his stomach as he laughed. “‘It’s lust at first sight for Vorgell—but honestly, he can’t help it. Unicorn horn is a potent aphrodisiac, and now he can’t stop thinking about sex.’”

“Stop,” Thor panted, trying to breathe around his laughing. “It’s too much.” Loki smiled, deciding that would be the first book he’d read. 

“Fine,” Loki smiled. The last few items were from Thor. Two sleeping caps to keep him warm. Instead of the traditional looking ones, Thor had opted for a more fashionable turban style. One was made out of a fruit pattern fabric, reminding him of the chiquita banana lady, and the other one had little snakes all over it, Thor’s favorite reptile. They were perfect. He put the fruit turban on his head and tucked in his hair. “How does it look?” he asked, nervous that it would look awful on him. Thor recovered from his laughing fit and turned his twinkling eyes on Loki, his smile way too big. Loki’s eyes darkened, watching him. He sometimes felt Thor’s body was too small for all the love it kept contained inside of it.

“It looks wonderful.” Thor placed a kiss to his forehead.

“Can I see?” Loki gestured. Thor smiled back and took out his phone.

“Say E. Donnall Thomas!” Thor grinned, taking a picture of Loki as he rolled his eyes, then another of him arching his brows at the camera. Thor was such a nerd sometimes. He’d apparently done his research, as E. Donnall Thomas was the man who proved how bone marrow transplants could help patients with blood cancer and other blood disorders. Loki had read all about it when Dr. Banner had told him it was a good treatment option, but that was mostly due to his obsessive need to know. Thor showed him the picture. It certainly wasn’t his best photo, but the turban didn’t look too bad. It was sweet of Thor to think of these things. Everything that was in the package made him feel good. It was sweet what they all put together for him. Thor took out one last item from the bag.

“A rain machine?” Loki asked, curious.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d like it or find it soothing or not, but I thought I’d give it a shot.” Thor kissed his cheek, winding his arms around Loki’s stomach. Loki looked at the packaging. It played a lot of white noise sounds, not just rain.

“I’ve never used one before,” Loki admitted, opening the package up. “Should we try it out?” Thor smiled as he took the machine out of the box and put the batteries in. He handed it back to Loki to fiddle around with as he looked through the directions.

“You should be able to put a number in for the sound you want, instead of endlessly scrolling,” he preened. If he liked it, that would be a rather nice feature. You wouldn’t have to constantly hit a button to get to what you wanted. Loki turned it on and set up some of the basic elements, then Thor handed over the list of sounds.

“What about the ocean sound?” Loki asked, getting a little excited about it. He wasn’t sure why he’d never considered a white noise machine before. It could interrupt the silence and give him something else to focus on. There was even a sound of a heartbeat, and another just of someone breathing in deeply and breathing out. Thor really must have done a lot of research.

“Sounds lovely,” Thor replied. Loki remembered he grew up near a coast. Maybe Thor missed these sounds. He blushed as he put in the number he wanted. They waited a minute, both checking if the noise sounded calming, before Loki placed the machine on the table and turned to Thor.

“Well, I don’t know who came up with the idea, but all these gifts were incredibly, amazingly sweet, and I’m going to need to thank all of you.” He kissed Thor’s cheek, then prodded his side. “Now turn on your side. You need a little loving,” Loki commanded. Thor wasn’t often the little spoon, but he was going to be right now, if he had anything to say about it. Thor stared at him.

“I believe you still have 15 minutes of meditation,” he argued. Loki shook his head. Always so stubborn.

“You know, I can spoon you and meditate at the same time,” he intimated, placing a kiss to Thor’s neck. The blond sighed. “I know you like the sound of these, too,” Loki justified. He held up the box of meditation balls, watching Thor let go of the fight and accept the support Loki offered.

“Alright,” Thor agreed, turning on his side. Loki smiled, picking the baoding balls out of their cushy box and slotting himself behind Thor. He wound an arm underneath the larger man’s body and kissed his shoulder once he was situated. Thor sighed happily as Loki covered his large body with his own. Placing the stress balls in one hand, he began moving them back and forth in his hand, letting the discordant noises lull him into a meditative state. When his fifteen minutes had elapsed, Thor was already asleep beneath his arms.

***

The first thing Loki noticed when he walked into the new room was all the silk flowers. There were garlands strung up on the walls, arrangements along the windowsill, some by his bed, and another over by the TV. The second thing he noticed was the almost stained glass look to parts of his windows. They were filled with bright, happy window clings. There were dragonflies and lily pads. Cute little frogs and smiling suns. Summer fruits, flip flops, mermaids and witches, and lots and lots of hearts and rainbows. There were four leaf clovers and snowflakes, as well. The entire room looked like a small enchanted haven. Loki’s things were exactly where he’d placed them, but all these extra items made him feel like he was cocooned in a forest. For the first time, he was actually happy to be in this room. He turned to look over at Thor.

“What?” he asked, his eyes welling up. “What did you do?” Loki took Thor’s hand in his and pulled him further inside. “What did you do?” he whispered, as Thor continued to beam at him.

“A bunch of us worked last night to set this all up. All the flowers are from my mom. She also sent a lot of the window clings. Darcy bought the rest.” Thor winked as a few tears slipped down Loki’s face. He then went over to the bed and pulled out a small magnetic board nearby. It had all these little tiles for magnetic poetry on it. “This is from Sif,” Thor smiled. Loki wiped at his eyes.

“This is too much…” he quivered, walking over to touch the tiles on the board. They had done all this for him…

“There’s a couple other packs of the poetry tiles when you’re tired of this one. Sif was in the hospital for a few days, once. She said the magnetic poetry helped keep her occupied for a time.” Thor put the board back where it came from, then pulled something else out of a drawer for him. “Darcy got you one of these really cool Buddha Boards. She bought the biggest one she could find, then bought a nice brush to use, instead of the one they give you in the package. She said you’d hate it.” Thor chuckled. “Basically, you dip the brush in water and draw on the board. And the design shows up. And when it dries, the design is gone.” Thor held the box out to him, but he just stood there staring at it.

He was speechless. What did you say when your loved ones took your breath away? Loki swallowed as his eyes filled with tears again. Thor put the box down on the bed and Loki wrapped his arms around his large chest. It was too much. His heart was full. Filled to the brim with everyone’s thoughtfulness. Thor wrapped his arms around him in return, creating a sense of deep calm in Loki. He listened to the steady thud-thud of Thor’s heart and took a deep breath. “I’m glad it’s just the two of us right now. My face is all blotchy,” he sniffled. “And my eyes are all puffy. Look what you’ve all done to me,” Loki bawled. Thor laughed, deep, from his belly, and it shook Loki all over as the older man hugged him tighter. He looked up into Thor’s face.

“This is all we could think to give you. The separation is going to be hard on all of us, love,” Thor rumbled. Loki loved it when Thor’s voice vibrated from deep down in his throat. It always set his heart beating erratically. He placed a kiss on Thor’s chest, just above his heart.

“I love you,” Loki mouthed. He still found it hard to say the words. The feelings inside him were too strong, sometimes, to be contained by so few syllables. And when he found a better way to say what he felt, he’d say it all the time. Thor’s fingers scratched up and down his back and he moaned. It always felt good to feel Thor’s hands on him, but back scratches were the best.

“Your dad and Fandral made something for you, too,” Thor said, placing a kiss on Loki’s head. “One you’ll like, the other I’m not so sure…”

Loki laughed.  “What do you mean? I’ll love them both,” he grinned. Thor moved to stand behind him, then, showing Loki a calendar on the wall.

“Your dad put this together. It’s got all these Skype dates on there. Times to meet with your parents, me, my parents; Darcy even interjected herself on there.” Loki stared at the calendar. Every day had something on it. There wasn’t a single day where he’d be left alone. “There’s also movie nights we scheduled. There’s this streaming website where you can join and there’s a chat screen to talk to whoever’s watching with you. And you watch it together. You can pause it or go back, or fast forward, and everyone will be in the same place. So we scheduled some of those, too. Family movie nights, friend movie night, per Darcy’s demand, date nights for us.” Loki wiped at his nose, feeling weepy again.

“You guys really went overboard on all this,” he replied. Thor wrapped his arms around him again.

“Never,” he joked, tickling Loki’s sides. The younger man laughed, pushing Thor away. “And don’t worry If you’re ever too tired, or you’ve fallen asleep and missed the time we put on there. We can always do it another time in the day or talk another day. This is all contingent on your own needs,” Thor stressed. Clearly, he didn’t want him to feel like he had to make every appointment on the calendar. That could have become a stressor all on its own. Loki smiled.

“Of course.” He turned around in Thor’s embrace and smiled up at him. “Now, what did the lovely Fandral make me? I am dying to see the man’s work.” Loki’s grin had a mischievous look about it. He’d been invited to a studio party Fandral hosted once, and he’d had a hard time keeping a straight face. Fandral’s work was so...well, you could never quite tell what he’d made, or it was a very warbled representation of the item, but it was created with such joy and passion. The man loved art so much he couldn’t not create something. Even if it was terrible. He needed to be part of it. So looking at his work was hilarious, but also incredibly sweet, because you couldn’t find someone who tried harder.

“Alright,” Thor smirked. “But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” The older man walked Loki over to the windowsill and pointed to a clay sculpture. He really wasn’t sure what to make of it. It had a round top with some other oval shaped bits stuck on it, then a larger oval body with these strange claw-like paws. The bit stuck on the back of the large oval looked like a sock hanging off of a half hard cock. He stared at it for a few more moments before he burst out laughing. He absolutely loved it. “So, this is Franklin,” Thor informed him. “Fandral went with the woodland theme here and made you a squirrel with sunglasses on.” If anything, Loki laughed harder at that. It was just so ugly and perfect.

“Oh. My. God,” he wheezed. Thor was practically holding him up at this point. “I love you, Franklin,” he snickered, trying to get his laughing under control.

“Fandral made one for me, as well, named Lupita. Because squirrels shouldn’t be alone.” Thor smiled. “She has a flower on top of her head.” Loki smiled bigger than he had in a long time. This was the secret to Fandral’s work, in Loki’s opinion. No matter how bad your day was, you could look at one of his awful pieces and feel just a little better because you knew, somewhere out there was a man who tried so hard just to share art with you. And he might fail spectacularly in his creations, but he did it with everything in him. 

“They’ll have to have cyber dates, too, so they don’t get lonely,” Loki grinned. Thor groaned.

“You cannot be serious,” Thor replied. Loki went and picked Franklin up, turning around to look at Thor with his most pathetic pout on.

“Squirrels shouldn’t be alone,” he told Thor. Thor started laughing as Loki hopped the ugly creature through the air towards Thor. “Franklin needs his Lupita.”

“Stop,” Thor snorted. “Fandral worked on these for a long time.” Loki grinned again and put the sculpture back on the windowsill.

“I know,” Loki asserted. Looking back at Thor. “It’s what makes his work so incredible.” Thor came over and tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear. “If Fandral actually sold his pieces, I probably would have bought one by now. They just…” He looked back over at Franklin. “They just make me happy,” he smiled. Many people didn’t know this about Fandral’s work, but he never sold it. He donated each and every piece to “their proper home.” This was likely the first time someone had made something specifically for him. It was touching. 

As he stared, that OCD compulsion was creeping back up in his brain; the need to touch and confirm the object was safe. Loki bit his lip. The sculpture was sitting securely on the windowsill. He’d placed it there just moments before. There was no need to reach out to it again, and again and again. His hand shook, down by his side, wanting to make sure. But he didn’t need to make sure… He felt Thor’s hands lace with his own and he took a deep breath. The feeling was slowly leaving his body the longer Thor held onto him.

“I’ll tell Fandral how much you liked it, then,” Thor murmured, placing a kiss on the back of his neck.

“Yes,” he exhaled, leaning back into the muscular blond. Thor rested their hands on Loki’s hips as he dragged his lips to the side of his neck. Loki gave a sharp inhale. “What’s...the schedule for the day?” he asked. Thor smiled against his neck before pulling away.

“We have about 15 minutes before your parents show up, then another ten before everything starts. There’ll probably be two blood bags full of the new bone marrow cells that get attached to your catheter, and it could be three hours for everything to finish up. Then we all need to head out and let you rest and recover. Tomorrow, we’ll be back, with our gowns and gloves and masks, giving you fist bumps and air hugs.”

“So, what you’re saying is, if I want a quick blow job, you better hurry?” Loki smirked.

***

And quick they’d been. In the end, Loki convinced Thor to 69 it on the bed, both of them sloppy and drooling by the end. It was one last hurrah for Hercules before they all said goodbye for months. Neither of them had lasted very long, but it had been satisfying and now he was working to put everything back in order before his parents showed up. Thor still carried the hand sanitizer around with him, and they’d both made liberal use of it. Then Loki tugged his pants back on as Thor zipped up. He wanted to be spooning right now, taking a nap, but he had to wait. Wait for his parents. Wait for the doctors. Wait until everything was set up and his new life began. He was still in awe that this was even happening today. “It’s not too soon, is it?” he fretted to Thor, tying the drawstring on his pants. The larger man smiled, kissing Loki’s temple.

“No. It’s a great day for your transplant,” Thor told him, sounding confident, like there was no other way to think. Both of their faces were still flushed when his parents knocked on the door. Loki wished he’d gone into the bathroom to splash some water on his face afterward, but if wishes were horses, and all that... 

Thor went to open the door, leaving Loki, expectantly, upon the bed. His mother was the first one through the door, taking in the rumpled appearance of the two of them and the covers on the bed. She just smirked and shook her head.

“Hello Thor.” Farbauti patted his shoulder and she walked over towards Loki on the bed. “Hello elskling.” She kissed his cheek and set down a thick cotton jacket on the bed. “I thought you might want this,” she said, seeming nervous for bringing it. He smiled. It was something he’d loved as a kid, and he’d worn them a lot in the hospital when he was young. His mother must have bought him an adult version.

“I love it,” he smiled, placing a hand on her neck and kissing her cheek. It was a Japanese Hanten—a short winter coat—and it was like wearing a comforter and still having the freedom of using your arms. Thor had been shaking Laufey’s hand as the two of them traveled over to Loki.

“That looks really comfortable,” Thor said, in awe. He came and felt the fabric, how thick and plush it was. Farbauti watched Thor awe over it.

“I’ll have to get you one, too,” she clapped her hands. “I’ll get them matching,” she smiled. “It’ll be so cute, won’t it?” she asked Laufey. He nodded absently as he went to stand next to Loki. Farbauti pulled Thor away to size him up, giving the two some privacy, as Loki wondered what his father wanted to say without the two of them around.

Laufey took both of his hands and brought them up to his mouth, kissing the knuckles. “Hele meg,” he quavered. Loki had to look away, suddenly. His father was almost never emotional, and if he started crying now, there’d be no stopping his own tears.

“Far,” he whispered, pulling Laufey’s own hands to his lips to return the gesture. “Thank you for the calendar.” He hid his face in Laufey’s larger hands, not knowing what else to say. His father took his hands back, then, to drag a chair over to Loki’s bed.

“You know, when you were young, your mother and I were so scared when you got sick,” he reminisced. “There were a lot of doctors who didn’t know what was wrong, and when they finally figured it out, the prognosis was even scarier. But you survived it all, and you beat every odd that was thrown at you. So,” Laufey patted his thigh, “do not fret, my son. You will beat this, as well.” He wasn’t sure who his father said the words for—whether Laufey needed to speak them, or Loki needed to hear them—but they meant a great deal to him. Loki covered Laufey’s hand with his own, staring down at their joined hands before looking up at his father.

“Of course,” he smiled. “Death doesn’t suit me,” Loki joked. Laufey chuckled in return, patting his leg one more time. His mother walked back over with Thor and Laufey rose from the chair.

“We want to say a prayer over you, Loki. Is that OK?” Farbauti asked. They’d probably done this when he was young, as well, but he couldn’t remember anymore. His parents rarely prayed, and if they did, he suspected it was to the old Norse gods from their homeland. Loki looked to Thor, who shrugged, then he nodded back at his parents. And with that, their hands rested on the top of his head, and Thor placed his own, a little awkwardly, on the back of his neck. They all mumbled a quick prayer to Eir and another to Frejya, then lifted their hands from him. It was cooler without the warmth of their palms covering him and he shivered. Perhaps he should put on one of the caps Thor had gifted him. Before he could ask for it, Farbauti picked up the jacket and held it out for Loki to put on. His mother seemed to miss nothing, where he was concerned. The jacket was like a giant hug. Warm, cozy, and bulky. Perfect to keep warm. Laufey sat back down next to him just as Dr. Banner strolled into the room.

“Hey everyone,” Bruce greeted, looking at ease. Well, he hoped so. If Banner was worried, there was no way he could go through with this. And, really, it was already too late not to. A nurse followed quickly after him. One he’d met a few times before, May Parker.

“Hey Loki,” she greeted, wheeling the cart of supplies into the room.

“Hello May,” he mumbled. Thor smiled at her, perhaps because they knew each other. Loki had never really asked.  
“Oh, Loki, May’s just the best,” Thor grinned. “You’re in good hands.” The woman laughed, wheeling the cart over to the bed and starting to set things up.

“So, just to go over things, May is going to set up the IV and the transplant cells, we’ll hook everything into your catheter, and in a few hours, it’s all done!” Banner had a zealous energy about him today, like he was feeling especially confident in the treatment. The man made some notes in Loki’s chart and then stuck it on the end of the bed for whoever on staff needed to read it. Loki nodded when Bruce looked back up again. He was starting to feel anxious and didn’t trust his voice right now. Laufey had needed to get up so May could set things up, and it was feeling very real all of a sudden.

“Are you sure it’s OK for everyone to be here when this is going on?” he asked. His heart rate was picking up and he was glad they hadn’t hooked him up to a heart rate monitor yet. What if everyone here had already jeopardized his immune system or the transplant? It might feel like Thor had a magical healing cock, but that certainly wasn’t a real thing, or Loki would be better by now. He’d probably jinxed the whole thing. Loki looked around at all the decorations in the room, trying to feel connected and calm. These people cared about him. Cared about his comfort. He looked up at Thor and the man just knew. He didn’t know how, but Thor always knew. The blond kneeled down next to the bed and took his hand, anchoring him, just being there while he rode out the tornado happening in his psyche.

“Everyone’s OK for now. Just before we finish up everything, we’ll have everyone head out and then everything jumps into gear,” Banner told him. “Your comfort is the most important, though, Loki. If you don’t think you’ll be comfortable with everyone here, we’ll clear the room.” Bruce waited for his answer as Loki squeezed his eyes shut. He thought about it. This was a really big deal. He’d waited for this transplant for ten months; everyone had waited for this transplant for ten months. He didn’t want to take that away from them. They all deserved to experience this together. Loki shook his head.

“No, I’m just getting anxious. I want them here if they want to be here.” And the room seemed to let out a collective sigh of relief. Apparently no one wanted to leave him here alone. He smiled, pulling Thor’s hand up to his forehead as he blushed. His father was right. He was strong. He could do this. There was no reason to think that anything was already working against his transplant.

“OK,” Banner replied. “We’ll keep everyone here for now, and Thor will know when it’s time for all of you to leave, if May doesn’t pop in before that.” The woman winked at them.

“I’ll be around to check up on you periodically and there should be an alert that goes off for me when I need to change the bags out.” She had the saline drop going already and Loki couldn’t stop staring at the bag of thick, viscous red that she worked at setting up. To think something so small could change his life. It seemed impossible. He had a sudden urge to cradle the bag like it was something precious, like a vampire who needed the blood to live. But it was precious, and he did need it to live. Loki swallowed. He could never repay the woman who donated for him.

He watched as May fed all the tubing into the right places and prepared the needle that would go into the port catheter for treatment. “I shall have to be Dracula for Halloween,” he told Thor, transfixed with what May was doing. The parallel wasn’t lost on Thor as he smirked and turned Loki’s head back to look at him.

“You’ll look great, I’m sure.” His parents were standing off to the side, clearly just as nervous as he felt, but not coming closer. Maybe they feared it would break the spell. That coming closer would wake them from this dream where Loki was actually getting a transplant that would likely cure the anemia. But as they stared into each other’s eyes, the spell broke anyways. Loki was still in the bed, he was still getting the transplant, and the two moved to stand beside his bed with Thor.

“Alright,” Banner spoke. “If you don’t have any questions, I’ll head out and let May finish up,” he smiled, patting Loki’s foot at the end of the bed.

“I think we’re good,” Loki replied. Everything would be fine. He took a breath in through his nose. Everything would be fine. He breathed out through his mouth. It’s fine… His hands gripped the blanket and Thor’s hand a little tighter.

“I’ll be back after everything’s over with to check in with you, OK Loki?” Dr. Banner asked. He nodded back at the man and let him leave. Bruce was really at the top of his field with rare genetic disorders and the man was constantly busy. Loki was glad he’d been able to devote as much time as he had to his case. Not two minutes later, May had everything set up and ready to go.

“Alright Loki. Are you ready?” May asked. She held the needle up towards him and he turned to look over at Thor. He still was getting to know her. Maybe May was the wrong choice for him.

“The best hands, Loki,” Thor said, full of the confidence Loki didn’t feel. He scowled at the older man. The best hands would have been Thor’s own, but apparently he couldn’t have that. Nor could he have Pam or Evelyn. He let out a shaky sigh and turned back to May. Really, what was there for him to do?

“Yes, I’m ready,” he decided. And she was really gentle. May moved the hanten out of the way a little, along with his shirt.

“You’ll feel just a little prick,” she warned, attaching the needle into the port. It was quick and he hardly felt it at all. Maybe Thor was a little bit right. May arranged all tubing so he could move around comfortably on the bed, then made sure the call button was well within his reach before putting the heart monitor on and straightening up the cart. “This should cycle through for about an hour, hour and a half, then I’ll come back and change out the bag,” she smiled. Loki nodded.

“Thank you, May,” Laufey spoke up. His parents had been oddly silent the whole time, and he was glad they were finally coming out of whatever trance they’d been under. It had been a little unnerving.

“Of course, Mr. Jokulssen,” she smiled, nodding to everyone before heading out of the room.

“Do you need anything?” his mother asked, almost immediately.

“I’m OK, Mor,” he tried to assure her, reaching his free hand out to her.

“Maybe some water. You should have some water,” she insisted, looking around the room. Loki chewed on his lip. Everyone was falling to pieces, it seemed. Everyone but Thor.

“I’ll go get some,” Thor insisted, a big smile on his face. He pulled a chair up to the bed. “You just sit here,” he motioned for Farbauti to sit on Loki’s right side. “And Mr. Jokulssen, the chair on the other side is good now,” he pointed out. Most surprising of all, his parents actually sat down. No pacing, no going to check on things, nothing. Thor sat them down, and took care of everything. None of them were quite sure what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, my beta actually drew the little barrette I mentioned in this chapter!! It was soo cute!! <3 Check it out [here](https://ktspree13.tumblr.com/post/180722976691/whiskey-alpha-romeo-ch-3)!. ;) <3
> 
> Romance novels mentioned in this chapter:  
> [The Winter Courtship Rituals of Fur-Bearing Critters](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13146793-the-winter-courtship-rituals-of-fur-bearing-critters) by Amy Lane  
> [Thick as Thieves](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18102744-thick-as-thieves?ac=1&from_search=true) by Tali Spencer  
> [The Minnesota Christmas series](https://www.goodreads.com/series/116719-minnesota-christmas) by Heidi Cullinan
> 
> Honestly, I chose these books not because I've read them but because the covers or summaries were so amazing I couldn't pass them up. The cover with the llama! I laughed so hard. The Thick as Thieves book, check out the link just to see the first two reviews on there. I laughed for a good five minutes or more. OMG. The Minnesota Christmas series, well, the description of the first book mentions the main character being rescued by three sexy lumberjacks. Need I say more? :P Sadly, the rest of the book isn't about a foursome with three lumberjacks and a twink. But I was hopeful for a few seconds there! Also, I just found it so funny that Odin would send these to Loki. It really was the funniest part for me to write. ;)
> 
> What do you guys think of Fandral's sculpting skills?? >:) Honestly, if someone drew Franklin (and/or Lupita), I would be so excited to see your interpretation. Also, I'm not kidding about the hanten. I tried one on once and it was like wearing a comforter. It was amazing. I wish I'd had the good sense to buy it. :(
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!! <3 <3 <3 And recovery is a bitch. My deepest sympathies to my poor baby. Hang in there, Loki! If you guys missed it, check out the [art](https://ktspree13.tumblr.com/post/180722976691/whiskey-alpha-romeo-ch-3) my amazing [beta](https://tjc2009-2018.tumblr.com/) did from yesterday! :D She's awesome.

“I feel like I should be doing something,” Laufey grumbled, reading a few emails on his phone. He’d taken the day off, but Loki knew his father never really shut it down.

“But Thor is doing it,” Farbauti replied, still perplexed about the whole thing. I should have brought my knitting. I just didn’t think…” she trailed off, looking around the room, seeming to see it for the first time. “This is really lovely, elskling,” she smiled. “Your own private forest.” He took her hand. The whole treatment was making him feel rather sleepy, but he’d been told that would be normal. He wanted Thor to come and lay on the bed with him, so he could sleep.

“You’re all the best,” he yawned. “I loved everything. The scarf, the mittens. Those were really intricate, Mom.” Farbauti patted his thigh, a happy smile on her face. “I used that lotion this morning and it’s so silky.” He had the scarf on now, insisting on wearing it, even though he wasn’t that cold. It was comforting, which was the important part. The heat it brought to his body made him feel all wrapped up, and with the weighted quilt his mother had made, he had the perfect recipe for a nap. “I want Thor,” he whined, watching his parents look up at him.

“What’s wrong, baby?” his mother asked, squeezing his hand gently. Laufey looked over to the door, seeming to think Thor might just appear if they talked about him.

“I sleep better when he’s here,” he yawned again, halfway asleep already. “He’s warm and heavy. I like how safe he makes me feel,” Loki confessed. His father cleared his throat, finding the conversation a little too honest for his taste. Farbauti stood up.

“I’ll go look for him, OK?” she replied. Loki nodded, watching her go through half-lidded eyes. Laufey cleared his throat one more time.

“So, Thor,” he said. Loki turned his head to look at him, almost drunkenly.

“Wonder Boy,” Loki smiled. “I love him,” he whispered, like he was telling some great secret. Laufey chuckled next to him.

“I gathered that, hele meg. I just didn’t know it was serious.” Loki placed a hand on Laufey’s cheek, surprising his father.

“He’s just so good, Far.” Loki turned on his side to face him, closing his eyes and he got sleepier. “I love how he always knows what I need and isn’t afraid to tell me to do the things I should be doing.” His father leaned forward to run a hand through Loki’s hair.

“I am happy he makes you so happy, son.” Laufey kissed his forehead as Thor and Farbauti walked through the door.

“He was out looking for some coffee for us,” Farbauti smirked, looking at Laufey. When she saw the tender moment that passed between them, she felt worried. “Did something happen? Is Loki OK?” she asked, moving closer to the bed.

“I’m fine, Mor. Sleepy. I want Thor,” he insisted, patting the space behind him. Thor laughed, used to Loki’s more demanding moods when he got tired.

“Alright, alright,” Thor agreed. “I’m coming.” The blond climbed onto the large hospital bed and laid beside him, letting Loki decide how close he wanted to get. Loki wiggled himself backward until he was flush up against Thor before throwing one of Thor’s arms around him and falling asleep to a deep rumbly chuckle.

***

Loki woke to a light kiss on the back of his neck and a hand raking through his hair. He was groggy and confused as he blinked his eyes open.

“We have to go, Loki,” he heard Thor whisper. “But keep sleeping. It’s good for your body to heal.” The warmth from Thor’s body suddenly disappeared and he whined, turning towards the empty space to lay on his back.

“Thor!” he called to him, opening his eyes to see everything in a haze. He felt so disoriented in this space between asleep and awake, unable to make Thor out among all the flowers. “Don’t leave me,” Loki panicked, already starting to feel alone. Maybe he’d dreamed Thor saying goodbye… Maybe they’d all left already and he’d slept through the whole thing. Maybe the transplant had never happened and he dreamt that all too… Wouldn’t that just be his luck?

His mother came into view, then, and kissed the top of his head. “We’ll be back tomorrow, elskling. Please don’t worry yourself,” she tried to comfort him.  _ ‘They have to go…’  _ he told himself.  _ ‘They can’t stay, now. I’ll get too sick…’ _

“Far?” he sniffed. Laufey joined Farbauti next to the bed.

“Rest up, hele meg. You need your strength to get better.” His father placed a hand on his shoulder. A safe gesture, touching a clothed area…

“Where’s Thor? Is Thor leaving?” he wiped at his eyes, finally focusing on the room and spotting the hulking blond. He looked wrecked, like his face couldn’t decide if it was going to be happy or break apart. He looked like he wanted to cry, but he didn’t want Loki to see. 

“I’m here, love. And I gotta go with your parents.” The smile he gave Loki was very watery as he gripped the counter behind him with all his strength, like he needed to hold on to keep himself from latching onto Loki and never letting go. And somewhere in his rational brain, Loki understood the words Thor was saying. He knew why everyone was leaving. But with sleep still clouding his mind, things felt hazy and uninhibited.

“Don’t go,” he cried, staring out at everyone with tears in his eyes. “Why do you have to leave me here?”

“Loki, please,” Thor whispered, wiping his own eyes. Farbauti had turned away, hiding against Laufey’s side.

“Son, you need sleep,” Laufey stressed, swallowing down the discomfort in the room and placing an arm around Farbauti.

“I can’t,” she whispered to Laufey. “I can’t leave him here if he asks me to stay. It’s too much.” 

“Then you will wait outside,” he replied, a harsh command that allowed no second guessing. They couldn’t remain. It was unfair what he’d asked of them, but this didn’t feel real. It felt like some faery land; like his brain was someplace else and only the thoughts that rose immediately to the surface could make it out of his mouth.

“I’ll get lost all by myself,” Loki muttered, as his father pushed Farbauti outside.

“Loki, please, don’t do this,” Thor pleaded. He looked crushed, like Loki was squeezing on his heart just a little too hard.

“Don’t do what?” he ambled on, unable to stop the words now. They were like a freight train, ready to crash into its next victim. “Don’t ask my loved ones to stay with me and help me from becoming unmoored as I ride out the turbulence of all this? Don’t ask you all to help me from going crazy from all the change?” He was crying in earnest, now, unsure what was really going on with him underneath it all.

“I promise, I’ll be back tomorrow. Nothing can keep me away.” He came over and ran a hand through Loki’s hair pleadingly, before he started pulling it back into a braid, as if he was desperate just for something to do. Laufey had come back as Thor was working.

“We will all be back tomorrow, Loki. There’s no need for distress,” his father directed. Loki turned on his side away from them, letting the tears fall down his cheeks. He didn’t understand why he was feeling so out of sorts and emotional, but it was like a brand new life was taking over. These cells had a good chance of turning his life around; like a second chance on living. It was overwhelming to think about it, really. Thor finished with the braid and used a spare hair tie that he always carried with him to tie off the braid. It was a nice gesture. He shivered when there were no longer any hands on him, and Thor pulled his covers over him, especially dragging up the weighted blanket to rest against him.

“Is the transplant done?” he asked, noticing the needle still attached to the catheter.

“May will be back in five minutes and will finish everything up,” Laufey assured him.

“Everything went really well, Loki. You just focus on sleeping for the rest of the day,” Thor murmured. So it was almost over with. His transformation. He’d slept through nearly the whole thing and now was expected to be ready to regenerate? It was hard. His body was ready to change and his mind was having a hard time keeping up. “I’ve cued up Arrested Development for you in the DVD player, if you need something to watch. I know how much you like to laugh at the show. The call button is right at the end of the bed here, OK?” Thor pointed it out for Loki, and placed the remote for the devices right next to the guardrail he was facing. “I love you,” he whispered in Loki’s ear, only for him to hear.

“We love you, son,” Laufey emphasized. “I will see you around lunch, and your mother will be here in the morning with Thor. And if you’re feeling lonely tonight, please call us. Your tablet is right on the table next to you. Skype us anytime tonight. We’ll be there.” Loki nodded, still refusing to turn to look at them. He was tired and stressed, and the weight of the blanket made him want to close his eyes even more.

“I love you all. I’m sorry I’m so out of sorts,” Loki mumbled. What else was there to say, really? He didn’t want them to go, because it would mean a whole new chapter would start. One he wasn’t ready for, but couldn’t wait for it to begin all at the same time. “I will see you all tomorrow,” he replied. The two men gave one last goodbye and when the door opened, he could hear the muffled cries of his mother outside. He’d have to call her later to apologize. But when he closed his eyes to wipe away the tears, his mind was blissfully, tiredly blank and he fell back to sleep soon after.

***

Loki woke with a start, the heart rate monitor screaming as he stared up at the ceiling. He almost didn’t believe his surroundings were real as he laid there, feeling like he couldn’t move. This wasn’t his room. It was too picturesque...too fantastical. He would never decorate things this way. Surely someone had drugged him and forced him into this bed. Surely that someone was staring at him even now, as the heart rate monitor went off and off and slowed and slowed. It was barely making a noise in his ears anymore. Maybe the kidnapper had poisoned him as well.

It was several more, long minutes before he felt he could move again; think more rationally. He wasn’t kidnapped...wasn’t poisoned. His heart rate was simply correcting itself from an earlier state of panic. He was in his own room in the transplant wing of the hospital. Thor’s mother had gifted him these things, along with Darcy and Sif and Fandral and his father. His mother had made him the scarf on his neck. The coat he wore was from her. The remote near his hand had been placed there by Thor. He wasn’t sure how long ago, now. Loki stared over at all the beauty of the flowers, noticed all the little things his family and friends had left for him. The transplant had happened, but his dream seemed more real to him after all the months of stressing over it. When he found a reflective surface, he was surprised to see nothing was dripping down his face. His hands weren’t covered in blood, and his eyes were a normal, green color. His dream had been full of red, the transplant not taking and just flowing out of his body in various horrible ways. 

What had woken him was a feeling of drowning in the blood in his throat. And when he’d breathed in without an issue his mind had instead turned to panic and terror. So when he stared at his reflection, he’d expected a nose bleed, at the very least. Nothing was amiss, though, which seemed odder than anything else. Something had to be wrong. It just felt like it in his bones. ‘ _ Wrong wrong wrong _ ’ his mind whispered to him as he placed a hand over the port catheter. The urge to damage it was strong and he reached for the tablet on the bedside table instead, sighing deeply.

***

His parents hadn’t been lying. When he called them over Skype, it was midnight, and he needed reassurance. Someone to say nothing was wrong; everything was good. His mother answered right away, looking tired and stressed, but most of all like she’d been crying.

“Loki,” she smiled. “Are you OK, elskling?” she asked. His father also came into view.

“If something’s gone wrong, you be sure to tell us. We can be there quickly,” Laufey said.

“No, no… It’s all good, I think…” Loki chewed his lower lip. It was a habit he’d picked up as a child and never really gotten over. “I don’t know…” It was good to see their faces. “This is all real, isn’t it?” he asked, suddenly. The feeling of fighting reality was strong and uncomfortable.

“What?” Farbauti glanced briefly up at Laufey before she looked back at him with concern. “Of course it’s all real, baby. We’re here at home. Boris Kitty is around here somewhere…” His mother looked around briefly as his father waved at the camera. Sometimes his parents were really just precious with technology. “He’s been hanging out in your room a lot, lately. Just curling up on your old bed.” She looked back at the camera and smiled. 

“It’s fairly late for your old parents here to be up,” Laufey chuckled. He was right. His father was usually at the hospital by 6 am everyday, and wouldn’t be getting much sleep at this point. “I decided to take the day off tomorrow,” his father explained, making Loki feel a little better about them still being up. “But we’ve just been sitting around talking. Your mother put on her reruns of America’s Got Talent.” Loki chuckled, watching his dad rolls his eyes and take a drag from a beer he hadn’t seen in his hand. His mother was besotted with the talent show. It was rather sweet, actually, how passionate she got.

“I had to watch that one couple...you know...the one with the blind man who did those crazy aerial stunts with his wife?” Loki did remember. They’d watched it together, clinging onto each other’s hands when the woman fell from the air and landed on the ground. He had to put the tablet down suddenly, as a sob broke free from his throat and a fresh round of tears sprung up to his eyes. “Baby?” his mother called to him.

“Loki? Are you alright?” his father, then. It was all so normal. His parents were carrying on like any other night. Watching TV and drinking beer. Talking. Maybe he really hadn’t had a transplant. Maybe it was all a dream.

“Loki?” His mother was sniffling, now, on the other end, and that seemed to flip something in his brain. He picked up the tablet and looked back at his parents’ concerned faces, his own teary face looking back. “What’s wrong?” Farbauti pleaded.

“I don’t know,” he sobbed. “It doesn’t feel real. Like I’m not here. The transplant never happened. The last few months…” His stomach lurched at the thought; that it was only April and he hadn’t even really met Thor. None of it was real. He could feel it, then, the sharp sting of bile in his throat.

“Loki,” his father again. “Just take a deep breath,” he told him.

“And why the fuck would you name me Loki?” he struck back, his mind starting to spiral. “Did you like the alliteration? Too weird to name me after yourself but you liked the L’s?” His heart rate picked up again as his stomach churned and churned.

“Loki…” Farbauti. Her crying always made him feel like an especially crap son, but his brain wouldn’t cooperate. He threw the tablet down, then, knowing he was going to vomit. “Loki!” she called out to him. He moved from the bed, as much as he was able.

“I’m going to call the hospital,” Laufey mumbled from the other end as his mother kept jabbering on at him. None of her words were really registering, though. He knew he needed to move towards the bathroom, but it was across the room, and everything was spinning when he stood up. There were all these wires and tubes and how the hell was he supposed to take care of himself like this?

“Loki!” The screech pulled him from his thoughts a little and he turned to look at the tablet. He leaned over the bed to stare into the camera as he dry heaved. “Elskling, just hit the nurse call button for me baby, ok? Please? Can you at least do that for me?” He looked over at the guardrail, remembering someone pointing it out to him before. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t right now. He… Loki turned away from the bed, throwing up all over the floor.

***

When he woke up, Loki knew it had been a dream. It was light out, after all, and he was in bed. Nothing smelled like bile, and his father was outside the room arguing vigorously with someone. The only change was the pounding in his head and the groggy feeling that he was missing time. When he turned over in the bed, some kind of alarm went off, making him jump, just as people came through the door wearing gowns and gloves and masks, utterly confusing him.

“Why are you all dressed so strange?” Loki asked. A nurse was over by the bed checking his vitals. Her eyes were all crinkly when she looked at him. Probably smiling at him, he thought. “I thought these things were only for when I had the transplant,” he grumbled.

“Loki,” his father growled, coming to stand next to him. “You have already gone through your transplant. This is real. This is not a dream.” His eyes were harsh and creased as they stared at him. Frustration...anger...sadness. The nurse next to him reached out for Laufey’s arm and gave him what he thought looked like a warning. It was strange. His father backed away, going over by his mother and putting his arms around her.

“Loki,” the nurse grabbed his attention. “Do you remember me from yesterday?” she asked. “My name’s May.”

“Of course I remember meeting you,” he insisted. He wasn’t crazy… It just didn’t seem real.

“Do you remember Marcus from last night at all?” she asked. He’d met Marcus before. He met him when they were talking about who would be on his transplant team while he was in this blasted isolation room. But Marcus had not been around last night.

“No,” he huffed. “Marcus was not here last night,” he insisted.

“Alright, honey,” May replied. She placed a cup of pills and some water on the over-the-bed table for him. “Well, you had a fall last night and got sick, so Marcus was in here helping and getting everything put back to normal,” she told him. “The doctor decided to put you out for a little while to try and recuperate, which is why you might feel a little groggy.” He looked over to his parents, feeling awful.

“Last night was real? I really called you both?” They both nodded. “You were really up at midnight?” His eyes stung and he blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears away. It was ridiculous to cry at every little thing.

“Yes, elskling,” his mother replied. Soft, calm, sure. Like she needed to be this pillar of strength for him to believe everything that was going on. “How are you feeling?” Loki blinked, feeling thrown for a loop.

“Weird,” he uttered. Everything felt just a little off. “You all look like powder puffs…”

“Can you take these, Loki?” May pointed to the cup of pills. “Then we’ll get you out of bed and off towards the bathroom, OK?” They were all acting like nothing was wrong. That’s what it was. Like it wasn’t weird for him to wake up feeling like everything was a dream world. To throw up all over the floor and pass out, and not remember someone coming in to help. It wasn’t normal. None of this was normal. His father should be shouting and drilling into him the importance of taking care of himself. To call for help instead of calling his parents, who were too far away to help him. He shouldn’t be this cowed figure crumpled over his mother. His father didn’t act this way around him. His stomach lurched again, the nausea returning. There were five pills in that cup, and he was worried about swallowing even one of them.

“Where’s Thor?” he mumbled, staring at the pills like a death sentence.

“We didn’t want to worry him,” Laufey responded, standing fully and turning around to face him. His eyes looked hard again, but stressed. He was probably taking twenty years off his parents’ lives with this illness…

“Thor gets off work in a few hours,” May replied, opening the bottle of water for him. 

Loki swallowed. “Alright.” He took a deep breath before taking one of the pills into his mouth and swallowing it with a little water. His stomach was still unhappy as he closed his eyes. “I’m feeling rather nauseous,” he told May, admitting to his symptoms. “And my head is pounding.”

“The pills should help with that,” May told him. “Take this one next, for the nausea.” She pointed to a specific pill in the cup when he’d opened his eyes again.

“Thank you,” he replied. When he’d gotten all the pills down, May helped him cross the room, then helped him to sit on the toilet in there. It had handrails for him to get up and down. She brought out his toiletries that he asked for, then gave him some privacy. When she helped him back into the bed, he was ready to pass out again. Maybe that was the point of one of those pills. At this point, he didn’t care. Sleep was better than this roiling confusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for today. :) Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!!! :D Loki's on the road to recovery. ;) 
> 
> Also, I just need to say... I don't like the thing Tumblr is doing right now with nsfw content, so I wrote a thing in protest. You can find it [here](https://ktspree13.tumblr.com/post/180784483871/banned). ;)

He woke up to see Thor, sitting in a chair, half his body lying on the end of Loki’s bed. Not touching him, but close, and clearly sleeping. It was a common occurrence the past week and a half. Thor would come see him often, when he wasn’t working, and he was running himself ragged. If he wasn’t asleep when Thor got there, they would talk. Loki would dump all over him about how sick he was, how often he got nosebleeds, or how often he would just cry, being so alone and isolated. How much he missed physical touch. He had a walker to help him across the room. May would set it up for him and hold onto the side of it for Loki. People could only visit him for a half hour at a time, too. It was difficult to deal with. Thor would listen to him, try to dispel all the fears brewing, and then they’d meditate and try to let it all go. Thor would tell him about his day and what he was up to. He’d ask Loki if he needed more to watch, or other books to read. Was there something he could bring him? Sometimes Loki made magnetic poems for Thor and got him to laugh. Sometimes the poems weren’t so funny and Thor would cry. When they played around with the Buddha Board, they drew each other silly hearts. Or butts and dicks. It really depended on the day and how ridiculous they wanted to be. He liked Darcy’s gift. It let him get out some of his stress and frustration. It certainly wasn’t his paints and canvases, but it was an OK substitute.

The chemo drugs were still raging through his system, making him nauseous and sick a lot. He had a bucket, now, that sat by the bed for whenever he felt like he was going to throw up. His insides felt liquefied. If it wasn’t one end, it was another, and it was too embarrassing to talk about with anyone. He thought for sure the transplant wasn’t taking and he was just letting the new cells eat him alive. So when Banner came in today with the good news, he had been surprised. So surprised he’d thrown up. They talked a little about next steps when Loki had recovered. He was concerned about the nosebleeds and the headaches, but his platelet count was good, and he hadn’t been feverish at all—good signs, he was told. His blood cell count was low, but that was to be expected, so close to the transplant. It was growing, though, which was a very good sign. The nausea and everything else was another concern they needed to tackle. Banner scheduled an appointment with a nutritionist, and said he’d run some tests to look into the causes with everything. It wasn’t uncommon, but it didn’t mean Loki had to suffer through it, apparently. In the meantime, he made sure the nurses kept ginger ale around for him, and Loki mentioned the candied ginger his mother brought him. Both good options. Banner wanted him hydrated more than he was already drinking and made a note for an IV drip with a nutrient pack. They’d try it for a few days to see if it helped his body absorb anything better. As long as he didn’t get any illnesses from here on out, things would be good for moving him after the 30 days. 

He’d sent Thor a text shortly afterward, which was probably why he was sleeping on his bed right now, reminding Loki why he hadn’t been texting as frequently with Thor, lately. He wanted the man to sleep, not try to keep himself up at all hours and keep him company. His own sleeping patterns were all out of whack, lately. But he made probably 75% of the Skype calls and movie dates they’d all scheduled with him, which was impressive. Sometimes he slept rather well, and other times he was up for a lot of the night. Thor texted him the third night after his transplant. He was wide awake and chuckling along to Arrested Development when he made the mistake of texting him back. Thor now knew he was sleeping at odd hours and would send him random texts during all hours to see if he was awake and wanted to talk. It wasn’t good for Thor. He’d actually texted Thor’s mother about it and gotten Sif’s cell phone number as a reply. It made him chuckle how fierce that woman was. Thor wouldn’t share his burdens with him right now, so he got updates from Sif; how his work schedule was going, how often he was stressing about things, whether he seemed to get any sleep. If he hadn’t know the Sif ship had long since sailed, he might have even been a little worried. The woman knew everything there was to know about Thor, practically. If she didn’t have an answer, she’d watch him for Loki until she could tell him her opinion on the matter. His very own Thor stalker. It was perfect. 

From the way Thor described her, he thought he’d never get along so well with Sif. She seemed too overbearing, too protective of the people she let into Thor’s life. But he’d come to realize Sif wasn’t quite what he had come to think. She wasn’t ‘the other woman,’ she was an ally. She wasn’t a gatekeeper, but a co-conspirator. When he’d had the balls to tell her that, she all but laughed in his face and told him the idea that she could keep anyone from being in Thor’s life was ridiculous. He wasn’t quite so sure about that, but it was nice to hear Sif didn’t abuse her power.  
  
***  
  
Two weeks later and this isolation period was adding a whole new tick to his OCD symptoms. A tick he didn’t want, nor appreciate. It was five days until he could go back to his own rooms, his own bed, his own space and his own things. Except now anytime someone came near him, his heart would race. He made sure at every opportunity to remind people not to touch him anymore, and the physical touch he once craved, he feared. It hadn’t taken long for his brain to see it as an enemy, either. With everyone bundled up anytime they were in the room, and Dr. Banner’s note about avoiding getting sick, he saw people as walking germ factories. That wasn’t Thor’s sweet hand reaching out to squeeze his leg through a bunch of blankets and a pair of latex gloves, it was a palm of death and disease seeping through the latex and infecting the blankets on his legs, worming its way through the layers of cotton and knit and fleece until it reached his skin. 

It wasn’t his mother’s thoughtful caress against the fabric of his t-shirt, it was pestilence lingering about. And then what? He’d be defenseless against whatever pathogens attached to him and he’d catch leprosy or cholera or something. Die of dysentery or bubonic plague on the trail to getting well. His father, at least, had the good sense to keep his hands to himself. But he’d caused rather a stir with the nursing staff, and a separate Skype call had been scheduled with Eir. 

“Did Dr. Banner tell you anyone touching you would cause you to get fatally ill?” Eir asked him, staring through the little webcam and into his eyes. Loki blushed.

“Well, not in so many words, but it’s definitely a thing,” he insisted, crossing his arms. He’d propped the tablet up on his stand and set it on the over-the-bed table before the call had even started.

“What did he say?” she asked, calmly.

“Well, everyone has to wear gloves and masks and gowns when they’re around me. They have to go through this special pressure barrier before they even come into the wing, and we’re all supposed to keep touch to a minimum. No skin contact, most of all,” he explained. Eir nodded, making notes as she always seemed to do. It drove him crazy sometimes. “Aaaaannndddd,” he continued. “Dr. Banner said I’d be good to move back to my own rooms if I didn’t get any illnesses before the 30 days was up. So, I’m not going to jeopardize that,” Loki huffed.

“OK,” Eir nodded, putting her pen down to look at him again. “Did Dr. Banner say touching was bad and to avoid it, or just to keep it to a minimum?” He thought about it before he replied. 

“I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t want to jeopardize getting sick!” he insisted. His hands held on tightly to his arms as he twitched and scratched at his skin. Eir didn’t understand. She didn’t understand what he was dealing with. If she did, she wouldn’t find his behavior strange.

“Can you answer the question, Loki?” she asked, still in that same calm tone. He rolled his eyes.

“He didn’t say touching was bad or to avoid it.” When he pulled his hands away, his arms were hurting where he’d been gripping the muscles. He should find the gloves his mother had made for him…

“OK. So, if Dr. Banner didn’t say it was bad or to avoid it, do you think it’s reasonable to do that?” She watched as Loki’s hands moved on to a new target and scratched at his scalp. It was making him nervous, her watching him. “Loki, maybe we should take a few minutes to check in.” He swallowed as he actively willed his hands to calm down and rest in his lap. Just rest there, not do anything else. If they twitched or tried to pick at each other, he’d try again, forcing them to just stay calm. “How are you right now?” Eir asked.

“I feel like I should put the gloves on that my mother gave me. I’m feeling twitchy and I’m trying to scratch myself, and I don’t want to,” he mumbled.

“OK. Can you get them or do you need help?” He tried to remember where he’d put them and took a minute to get himself sitting up properly to look around. They were on the bedside table, he remembered. Thor had placed them there this morning.

“I can get them,” he replied, stretching over carefully, slowly, as he went to grab them. It took another minute or so longer, but he got the gloves on his hands and felt a little more comfortable. He wished he had his weighted blanket wrapped over his shoulders and head right now, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to take it off his legs.

“How are you—” Eir started before Loki shuffled again. She watched him wriggle and fidget until he’d gotten the blanket up and over him.

“I needed a little extra weight on me,” he replied, sinking back onto the mattress. He took a deep breath as he pulled the blanket closer around him. It felt good when he did this; like he was wrapped up in Thor’s arms and his head was resting on top of Loki’s. It was safe. Eir waited until he opened his eyes again before she continued.

“How are you now?” she smirked. During one of his sessions he’d actually told her just how this blanket made him feel sometimes, and it was this smirk that had him thinking Eir knew exactly how he was right now. She was just being a smartass and making him say it. He shivered under the blanket.

“Better. Safe.”

“Were you not safe before?” She picked up her pen again, waiting to hear from him.

“I don’t know. It was a little confronting, what we were talking about. It was making me anxious. I know what you’re saying, and I also know it feels wrong. Rational and wrong. I don’t know. I don’t know how to turn it rational and right,” he finished, closing his eyes again. It had taken a lot of energy to get the gloves and the blanket just how he needed them.

“Can we try some exercises the next few days to work on it?” Eir asked.

“I will try,” he drawled, stifling a yawn.

“Let’s try something safe and I’ll talk with Bruce and come up with some more options, OK?” Loki nodded, knowing he was going to need a nap soon. “Alright, I want you to try just letting whoever comes to visit you just rest their hand or hands on your legs. They’re covered by fabric, and there shouldn’t be a danger of anything transferring through. If anywhere else seems OK, try that as well. Otherwise, this is a good place to start. Maybe ask for a foot rub or a leg massage through the blankets. Nothing strenuous or risky. Just start small.” Loki opened his eyes to look over at the screen again. It sounded reasonable. A massage did sound nice.

“Does it have to be the whole time?” he asked, worried he wouldn’t be able to handle that for an entire visit.

“Just until it stops feeling uncomfortable, or starts feeling worse.” Loki coughed, settling further into the bed as she talked. What Eir suggested wasn’t too hard. He’d still feel anxious about it, but it wasn’t something he felt he should say no to. “If it feels worse, give yourself some time to calm down. If that doesn’t help, try another day. I’d also suggest letting the nurses do their thing. That’s necessary care they’re providing and they certainly won’t do anything to jeopardize your health.” Eir was scribbling some things down as he nodded at her. “Does this sound doable?” she asked.

Loki sighed, puffing his cheeks out under the blanket. “It is acceptable,” he agreed, regretting his decision a little. Why did therapy always have to be so hard?

“OK,” Eir smiled, seeing his sleepy smile. “We’ll revisit in three days and see if anything is better; if you feel less confronted when we try to rationalize what’s going on. Yes?”

“Yes,” he sulked, feeling less confident than he wanted.  
  
***  
  
The nosebleeds had tapered off, thankfully, and his transplant team had helped him put together a schedule to follow to try and get his sleeping habits back on track. But he was still so exhausted most of the time. His low blood count combined with the anemia he already had made it difficult to combat the episodes of chronic fatigue. Nevertheless, he kept up with his exercises. As much as he could handle. Mostly from laying down, but when he was feeling up to it, he did some from sitting up. It felt like good progress. When Thor came to visit him today, he decided to implement his homework; stretch himself a little.

“Can you give me a leg massage?” he asked quietly, like it was no big deal, like it wasn’t unusual to ask to be touched. It was only a few seconds of silence before the larger man’s eyes crinkled, presumably smiling, though only Thor would know.

“Of course,” Thor replied, placing a hand softly on Loki’s leg over the covers. 

“Just over the blankets,” he told him, panicking a little, because when did he not, anymore? Thor nodded.

“Sure.” It was still strange to hear his voice so muffled by the mask he had to wear. Loki doubted he’d ever get used to it. “How about we wrap the weighted blanket around your shoulders and just have the hospital blankets. That way you’ll actually feel what I’m doing,” Thor winked. Loki’s heart rate sped up for a minute as he thought it over. It felt risky, like Thor’s hands would be too close to his skin right now. But, of course, that was silly. There were still lots of layers in between, and Thor was wearing gloves, besides. And with the weighted blanket over his shoulders, he’d have that to help keep him calm. The weight on him really was comforting. It felt amazing when he stuck it over his head and shoulders.

He worked to calm himself down and remember the good feelings he got with Thor. He enjoyed his touch. It wasn’t something bad. “OK,” he agreed. Thor rubbed a hand up and down his thigh, probably in support, but it just reminded him of all the things he couldn’t do right now. No walking around with Thor, no yoga. No tai chi, no aikido. Most of all, no painting, and no sex. Most of the time he was too tired to even care that he wasn’t doing any of these things. But right now, when he was trying to open up with Thor, he was reminded more than any of the other times. He missed it all and this recovery period couldn’t be over with soon enough. “How are you?” he asked for what felt like the hundredth time. For someone who asked this question time and again day in and day out, Thor sure liked to avoid answering it himself. Thor stood and moved the blanket for Loki so he wouldn’t have to exert himself. His legs felt a little cooler, but he would be fine.

“I’m doing alright, all things considered,” Thor told him, tucking the blanket securely around him. Loki groaned. Thor’s face was such a part of knowing how he was feeling and the mask was hiding everything from him. OK, so the eyes and the forehead were visible. And, OK, it was still a lot to work with, but he wanted it all. The blond sat back down next to him and placed a warm hand on his shin. Thor was probably trying to let him adjust to having his hands on him again.

“Do you think about me?” he squeaked, as Thor kneaded a muscle. It actually felt good. He was a little surprised.

“Of course!” Thor chuckled. “You’re probably 90% of my thoughts, love,” he winked. Loki chewed the bottom of his lip, burrowing into the blankets a little.

“Do you…” He could feel his face heat up and he felt a little ridiculous about it. Thor has seen him naked and screaming out in pleasure and he was nervous to ask him a simple question about it? He steeled his gaze before trying again. “Do you think of me when you pleasure yourself?” he asked, like it was something naughty. Like millions of people everywhere weren’t masturbating right at that very moment. Thor laughed again, using both hands to massage his legs, now. Loki closed his eyes and let out a satisfied sigh. Thor was really good at this.

“Loki, are you worried I don’t find you sexy anymore because you’re in here recovering and I’m out there carrying on?” Thor asked. And what was he supposed to say to that? Yes? Don’t you find me repulsive now that I’m sick and weak and can hardly get out of this bed on a daily basis? Don’t you hate how crazy I am, not wanting you to touch me? He swallowed and watched as Thor leaned over and rested his head in his lap. 

His heart rate picked up again. This wasn’t one of Eir’s suggested exercises. She didn’t mention anyone putting their head in his lap, or… Oh god...Thor’s nose was running against the length of his cock… He just… Loki made a sharp, distressed sound. He wanted to push Thor away, but he shouldn’t touch him… He wanted more and he wanted none. It was confusing. “Thor, stop…” he whispered, looking down at the blond with tears pricking his eyes. Thor straightened immediately.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, his eyes drooping and his forehead furrowing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out,” he swallowed, taking his hands off Loki completely. Loki sighed, pulling in a few deep breaths and getting himself together.

“No, it’s fine.” And it was fine. He laughed, for what felt like the first time in a little while. He patted his leg, signaling that he wanted Thor to put his hands back. “It’s good. It felt good. I just can’t right now.” Thor seemed to perk up again, returning his hands with fervor and massaging out the knots in his legs.

“To answer your question, yes. Yes, you’re still so sexy.” Thor’s eyes crinkled as his head tilted to the side, putting Loki even further at ease. There was no pretense between them right now, and it felt amazing. “Yes, I get myself off thinking about you...a lot. Yes, I miss you and everything…” Thor moved his hands down to Loki’s feet and started massaging there. He couldn’t believe he’d never asked Thor to do this before. His hands were incredible. He knew just the right amount of pressure to use, and exactly where to massage for the greatest effect. Loki moaned, letting himself lay back and enjoy just how talented Thor’s hands were. “Mostly I miss how happy you were,” Thor mumbled, making it even harder to understand him outside the mask. 

But Loki caught what he said and swallowed, putting a hand up against his mouth and closing his eyes. It was hard. It was hard being here all alone, in this same room day in and day out, not having the energy to walk around or do anything he was used to doing. He had a new schedule, now. A new day full of different tasks to try and accomplish. One of them being to simply exist. And it was hard. He spent half the day crying because he was so happy to have these new cells growing in him and half the day crying because he was so upset about everything involved in the process. It was strange being at war with himself like this. Strange and unfair, but not wrong. He’d had so many doctors tell him this response was normal. He still didn’t like it. It put a poisonous feeling in his heart; one he didn’t want. 

Thor turned his attentions to Loki’s other leg when he started crying. It was just a part of his visits, anymore. He never saw anyone, so when Thor or his parents were here and telling his something that was really real, it was like all the emotions that had nowhere to go before simply poured out.

“You alright, love?” Thor asked, rubbing long comforting circles on his legs. It felt nice, like everything else Thor was doing. He choked back a sob and nodded.

“I’m happy with you,” he hiccuped, feeling the pressure building up behind his eyes again. “I feel all out of sorts all the time, but you make me happy.”

“We’ll get through this,” Thor promised, patting his knee and continuing his massage. There were a few minutes of silence where neither of them spoke. Loki listened to Thor’s steady inhales and exhales and worked to match them himself. The tears eventually stopped and Thor looked up at him. “Does this feel OK?” he asked. Oh, Thor. Always worrying. Loki smiled.

“It feels amazing. You’re hired,” he smirked.  
  
***  
  
Loki stared down at the plate of food they’d set in front of him. Lately, he’d been able to stomach bananas, so there was one sitting off to the side. Honestly, it came from a desire to tease Thor with it by making a show of deep-throating the banana. When he’d satisfied that curiosity, he found he enjoyed eating them right now. Food had become a touchy thing for him again. When he first came to the hospital, the food they’d given him had been nutritious, but not his particular cup of tea. Jane had done a great job of helping change that around, though, and he had been extremely grateful. Now it was a whole other issue. The foods he enjoyed before tasted funny after the chemo. He preferred things, now, that were a little more bland. Salty things were the first to irritate him.

Tonight they’d given him some salmon. Fish was definitely a preferred food for his diet, and it only had lemon and pepper on it. It smelled great, for once. They also had a cup of red lentil soup for him, and some broccoli. Nothing had salt on it, the most seasoning was the lemon pepper on the fish. And still, his stomach turned a little thinking about eating all of it. The nurse had been sweet when she brought it in, encouraging him to get down just a little of everything. He didn’t have to eat it all; just try to get some of it down. He swallowed, his throat feeling dry, and looked around for his water cup. They’d added some oral rehydration fluids to his drinks, to replenish the nutrients he seemed to be losing with how sick he was. He was just glad he couldn’t taste them. 

When he found the water cup, he also remembered he had a Skype call with Darcy. So he grabbed them both, taking a large sip from the straw in the cup and setting the tablet up on its stand. He could call and listen to Darcy yammer on as he attempted to eat. 

“Hey, babe!” came Darcy’s melodic voice over his tablet speakers. “Turn me a little. I wanna see your whole beautiful face.” Loki rolled his eyes but complied.

“Hello Darcy,” he replied, his voice low and tired. He was ready to go to bed already and it was only dinnertime. He’d done good today, though, and kept the naps to an absolute minimum. He scooted the over-the-bed table a little closer as he picked the fork up.

“Oh! What’s for dinner tonight? Are you saving some for me??” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Fish. And broccoli, and soup. And another banana so I can really perfect that technique we used to practice together.” He held the banana up and winked at her. Darcy gasped.

“Loki!” she squealed, laughing as he smirked. “Well don’t do it now. Eat your dinner.” He winked

“What if this is my dinner? I might need to practice cause Wonder Boy’s coming by with the main course.” He stuck his tongue out at her as she threw something at the camera.

“You’re terrible. And if Wonder Boy is doing that, I’d seriously rethink his future as a nurse.” She waggled her eyebrows at him as Loki laughed.

“He’d never.” He shook his head, driving the fork into a piece of broccoli and taking a small bite. It was a weird texture and it tickled on the way down his throat. He coughed, trying to swallow it all down.

“Babe, get some water,” Darcy fussed over him. “No one likes broccoli straight,” she joked. Loki put the fork down and took some sips from the water cup. It felt good going down his throat. But some tea would go so much better. He sighed and pressed the nurse call button. It felt so defeating any time he couldn’t get something for himself.

“I’m going to ask for some tea,” he told her, deciding to try the soup instead. It did smell rather good. “What have you been up to?” he asked, taking a bite. It went down much easier and actually tasted good to him.

“Well, wrangling artists is a hard job,” she lamented. “Wanda has been teasing me with the prospect of new stuff for a little while, but she has yet to deliver. I’ve actually sold two more of your pieces. They’re so hot right now, Loki, you have no idea. Fandral came by with this hot chick on his arm. He wanted to see your new stuff, then proceeded to salivate over them.” She smirked.

“The hot chick is Sif,” he gurgled, talking around the soup in his mouth. He’d eaten a few more bites of it and was already starting to feel a little full.

“Your foolproof spy?” she grinned. “Honestly, you keep more tabs on that boy than the government,” Darcy winked. Loki put the spoon down, placing a hand on his stomach. Assessing how much more he could fit. This whole experience was messing with everything in his life. All his routines were up in smoke, and he didn’t like making new ones. “You OK, babe?” Darcy asked. He looked up at her.

“Just don’t know how much more I want to eat.” He stared at the salmon. It did look good, and he had been excited about it when they first brought it in. 

“Why don’t you try for a few bites of the fish, eh?” she smiled. Loki sighed again, like it was a huge imposition, but picked up the fork.

“Fine,” he agreed, spearing the tines into the fish. As he was about to pull a piece away, May walked into the room.

“Hey, Loki,” she greeted him, her eyes wrinkling as she smiled. “What’s up?”

“Hello May,” he replied in his smooth velvet voice. He knew it got him just about anything he wanted when he really applied himself. Darcy snorted in the background. “I’m hoping for some hibiscus tea with a little lemon,” he told her. May nodded.

“Alright. Well, I’m not sure about the hibiscus, but I can certainly rustle up some tea and lemon,” she replied. Loki pouted a little. This woman seemed a little impervious to his charms, but it was no matter.

“I actually have some in a little tea caddy,” he motioned towards the closet. “All I need is the hot water and lemon, actually.” May followed the motion of his hand for a little bit.

“Would you like some help getting to the tea?” she asked him. Loki pouted again. What he really wanted was to tell her exactly where it was and have her bring the little caddy over to him so he could pluck the bag out himself and have her put it back where it belonged. Instead, it seemed she wanted him to get up out of the covers and make his way over to the tea himself. It would take him ten minutes just to get to everything. He was only three weeks out from his transplant, and when he actually asked for help, it was strange to get pushback.

“No,” Loki grumbled. “The walker will be fine,” he told her, starting to scowl a little. He turned back to his dinner and shoved a piece of fish in his mouth. Appetite be damned. Darcy “aww’d” next to him.

“Alright, I’ll be back in five minutes with everything, OK?” May replied. He nodded back, curtly, frustrated that he had to struggle with this himself. When May had left, Darcy chimed in again.

“She’s onto you,” Darcy grinned.

“I need to get out of here,” he scowled, eating another bite of the fish before attempting to pull himself from the bed.

“All seriousness, are you sure you should be getting up?” Darcy asked, suddenly seeming worried about the whole thing. It was no longer funny that Loki’s charms had failed him when faced with the very real scenario that he might tire himself out or fall over or something.

“I’ll be fine,” he huffed, slowly sitting up more and working his legs outside the blankets. “If May wants to leave me to fend for myself, then that’s what I have to do.” When he’d gotten up to standing, he had to lean heavily on the walker.

“I’m texting Thor,” Darcy stressed. “This is negligence if you’re walking too soon by yourself.” Loki rolled his eyes, looking back at her with a hard glare.

“Do not,” he hissed. “Thor has enough he worries about. I’m sure it’s fine. Moving around is good for me,” he replied, eating his words almost right after as he stumbled forward. He caught himself with the walker, but it wasn’t fun.

“I’m texting him,” she decided. Loki let out a frustrated huff. Why was this his life right now?

“Darcy,” he growled, making it over to the closet.

“Texted him,” she chanted, trying to watch Loki from the screen. “I can hardly see you. Are you OK?” Loki groaned.

“Yes, dear,” he called out. His legs felt shaky as he bent down to open the tea caddy, and he fell down on his butt.

“What was that?” Darcy asked. It was at this moment May walked back in.

“What are you doing?” she fretted, rushing to put down the tray she’d been carrying.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m getting the tea,” Loki squirmed. He hated that she was here watching him flail all over the floor right now.

“I thought it was in one of the bedside table drawers,” she balked, going to help him up from the floor. He flinched away from her as she squatted down next to him. People weren’t supposed to touch him, his mind reeled.

“What’s the big deal?” Loki panted, trying to push himself up on his own. “Shouldn’t I be trying to walk around on my own anyways?” he argued. Surely he should be doing something to try and build his strength up. More than the exercises he was doing on the bed.

“Yes,” May replied, calming herself from the earlier outburst she had and kneeling next to him, holding her hands out. “Yes, of course, but supervised.”

“I knew it!” Darcy exclaimed. They sat there for a few moments longer, until Loki had calmed his mind enough to accept May’s help. This was her job. She was the professional. She would not offer to help him up if it were dangerous to him, right? He let her help him stand back up, then she held his waist securely, trying to get him to walk back towards the bed. “I said it wasn’t—”

“Darcy, please hang up. I will call you back in a few minutes,” he seethed. Everything was getting on his nerves. The misunderstanding, not being able to move around as he wished, the constant need for help. He couldn’t even get himself a simple bag of tea without failing miserably. His tablet chimed, telling him the call had ended, and he sighed in relief.

“I’m sure she was just worried about you,” May soothed, but it was the wrong thing to say. He bristled.

“Well, if this whole misunderstanding had never occurred, I’d have nothing to yell at her about. Now, if you will kindly help me get the bag of tea before we make the arduous journey back to the bed, I’d appreciate it,” Loki railed into her. He should probably feel guilty for the way he was treating her, but right now he was too upset and embarrassed to care.

“Of course,” May replied, soft and quiet. “I know you’re very specific about your things, Loki. Would you like me to grab the tea caddy or help you get it yourself?” He exhaled loudly.

“If you would grab the caddy, I’ll simply pull out what I need and you can put it back.” He held onto the walker and moved out of the way of the closet. “It is the black box on the third shelf from the bottom,” he told her. Impatient and angry. If Thor had been here, this wouldn’t have happened.  
  
***  
  
When the whole debacle was over with, his fish was cold, and he was no longer hungry. He ate maybe two more bites of it before eating one last piece of broccoli and shoving the whole table away from him. May had left with a dejected little look on her face, and he felt horrible about the whole thing. He was becoming this monster, and he hated it. She’d brought him a whole teapot full of hot water with a bunch of lemon slices. It was incredibly sweet, and he had just pissed all over her kindness. Loki turned on his side and cried for a little while, his hands curling protectively around the mug of tea he held. Darcy called him back 20 minutes later, upset and strung out. When she saw he wasn’t doing much better, they both apologized about the whole thing. He told her how awful he’d been to May and how he wished, more than anything, for a hug right now. Or just someone to cuddle with. Darcy had laughed, trying to lighten the mood, and telling him he just wanted Thor to cuddle with. After, Darcy suggested some fluffy chick flick with Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, The Proposal. May came back in with some pudding about halfway through and he’d cried again and apologized, thanking her for everything and for the pudding. She said she didn’t take it personally and not to worry about it. He felt a little better after that. And as he watched Sandra shaking it to ‘Get Low,’ life didn’t seem as dreary as it did before.  
  
***  
  
The next morning he was running a high fever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've never played with those buddha boards, let me tell you, they're sooo fun!! Omg. Naturally, I had to give one to Loki. ;) Here's three magnetic poems Loki probably wrote:
> 
> here lies | must you perfect be | be not my heart  
> Hercules, | oh specimen I love? | I'll not survive.  
> limp and warm. | you carry the sun; | be instead my love  
> fucking god! | the very elements bow. | that I can provide.
> 
> Also, there is an Oregon Trail reference in this chapter for those of you who caught it, lol. :) That game was so iconic. I was very happy when they came out with a board game version, haha!! Also, the face masks they have to wear to visit Loki got old very quickly. It's annoying not to be able to describe someone's full facial expressions, or be able to just say they were smiling, etc. Lol.
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this story!! :D I hope you're enjoying so far. Leave me a comment with your thoughts if you have time. Or, come find me on [Tumblr](https://ktspree13.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13)!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!! :D <3 I hope everyone out there is enjoying. :) I need to get back to writing and editing the rest of pt. 2, but I'm just so busy with work right now... :( But I'll get there. You may have to wait a little while, though. I'm not sure at this point. <3 Hopefully not, though!! Your comments are fuel for the fire, though. So, thank you to everyone who's reading and enjoying. It makes me feel so good to know other people are enjoying this fic as much as I enjoyed creating it. :) There's one Norwegian phrase I use in this chapter. I've translated it in the end notes again. :) ;)

_SWOOSH_ . That was the sound things were making around him. People. _SWOOSH_ . Carts. _SWOOSH._ Blankets. _SWOOSH_. At one point, it seemed like a funny sound. He’d laughed. Then the sound of voices, talking at him through water.

“Loki,” someone said to him. It was too bright to tell who it was.

“Loki, this is Dr…” He tuned them out, looking over at the forest in his room. Franklin was hopping around, smelling the pretty silk flowers that lined his walls.

“You miss Lupita, don’t you?” he whispered, reaching out to the squirrel. He was really rather handsome, and Loki was envious of his sunglasses. Something cool hissed against his skin and he moaned. Whatever they were doing to him, it felt good, at least. There was more talking and more swooshing, and Franklin hopped over to the window to stare outside. He definitely missed Lupita. Loki could relate.

“Loki…” It sounded like cotton in his ears. When he looked back, there was a tube sticking out of him and something red flowing through it.

“Are you taking my transplant away?” he asked, wanting to rip the tubes out. “I need that.” He tried to grab for the vials they’d filled, but the swooshing was too quick. He just grabbed at the air.

“You do need blood.” Banner, he decided, trying hard to focus in a little more. “We’re doing a blood and platelet transfusion, Loki. Do you understand?” His head lolled to the side, back to Franklin, and he wished he was the squirrel right now.  
  
***  
  
The next time he was aware of his surroundings, there were words like “sepsis” being thrown around and people screaming and crying. It sounded from a very far distance, to him. There was an ache in his abdomen. He felt like he was on fire. Everything hurt.

“We’ve identified the bacteria and have started an aggressive dose of antibiotics. Yes, sepsis is very serious, and we need to treat it quickly and efficiently, but we’ve taken all the right steps in this.” Well, at least someone knew what was going on. He cried out as a cramp hit him, hard, and suddenly all the activity from before was back. Swooshing and scuffling and people. So many eyes staring at him in the bed.

“Loki!” It was a sad kind of sound; wobbly arms reaching out for him, but not touching. Never touching. He was hot lava, after all. You weren’t allowed to touch him or they’d all lose the game. Wasn’t that how it worked?

“Mor,” he smiled.  
  
***  
  
It was two days before he woke up feeling somewhat normal again. He still felt sucky, but not like he had before. And there were two notes on the table in front of him. The first was to press the nurse call button when he was up. The second was to call his parents, followed by Thor. They’d written on the note that Loki was quarantined for a little while, and no visitors could come until his sepsis was cleared up. It could be another week. He wanted to throw something, but he was just too tired. Loki turned onto his side and did as he was told, pressing the nurse call button and waiting for the circus to show up.  
  
***  
  
“We were so worried, elskling.”

“We’re glad everything turned out alright.”

“I love you, Loki.”

“Babe! Don’t you dare scare me like that. I couldn’t visit...I hardly got any news…”

“The sepsis seems to be responding to treatment, as we want it to. I’d say we’re in the clear, Loki. But it’s possible this could happen again, as your body works to assimilate the new stem cells.”

Many more messages of “Welcome back!” and “We love you,” littered his phone. People were acting like he’d died, and it was too much. The illness set him back at least another week before Dr. Banner would allow him back to his own rooms. Back to Evelyn and Pam and Hogun, and everyone else who made his stay tolerable. He pulled out his sleep mask and ear plugs. Schedule be damned, he was going to be dead to the world for a little while longer.  
  
***  
  
He was laying in bed with his eyes squeezed tight, a heating pad against his back, and an even heavier weighted blanket covering him from neck to feet. Thor was whispering in his ear and he was just trying to imagine it was Thor behind him and not the electric heat coming from the warm square he’d plastered to himself.

“You’re doing so well,” Thor whispered. Loki wrapped his arms around himself. The phone was laying against his ear, held by gravity and a little luck.

“Sing me something,” Loki croaked. His throat had been sore the past few days, but he wanted to hear Thor’s voice in his ear. Not many people knew he could sing, but Sif had let that slip out of the bag a few weeks ago and Loki couldn’t believe Thor had never sung him anything.

“What?” Thor asked, sounding a little thrown. Loki coughed out a laugh.

“Sorry, Sif outed you and your angelic voice,” he smiled. He could almost imagine it was actually Thor spooning him right now. “Now sing me something. I’m sick and lonely.” Thor had a throaty laugh for him on the other end, as he cleared his throat.

“Alright,” Thor agreed, deep and husky. The sound went straight to his cock. Loki whimpered, just listening to his voice, and Thor laughed again. “Alright. I don’t have a super good voice, just so you know. But I’ll sing for you.” Loki snuggled in a little deeper, waiting to hear what Thor would sing for him. He was getting excited, which was another feeling that was fleeting for him, nowadays. “‘I’ll steal you, Johanna, I’ll steal you…” Loki held his breath. Sif hadn’t been lying about his voice. It was deep and rich, full of tone and emotion, and just for him. He didn’t even care that Thor was singing to some Johanna. They were both aware he was singing about Loki. He wasn’t even nervous or self-conscious about singing to him. It made Loki jealous. Everything Thor did, he seemed to do with freedom and confidence. “‘Do they think that walls could hide you? Even now I’m at your window. I am in the dark beside you, buried sweetly in your [raven] hair.’” Loki smiled. The phone was just loud enough that Thor really could be singing right behind him. The deep baritone of his voice filtered through his ears again as Thor promised to take him away. “‘I feel you, Johanna, and one day I’ll steal you. Till I’m with you then, I’m with you there, sweetly buried in your [raven] hair.’” Loki blushed, burying his head under the blanket. Thor kept humming to him in his ear, and it was almost too much.

He sung back, softly, mindful of his sore throat, “‘If I loved you, words wouldn’t come in an easy way. Round in circles I’d go!’” He coughed weekly.

“Loki,” Thor whispered. The two of them sat on the phone, each trying to imagine being with the other right then. “I miss you.” Thor sounded choked up on the other end, and he imagined the tears falling onto his neck, hot and wet as they slid across his skin. He imagined holding Thor’s hand so tightly to reassure him everything was good.

“I know,” he whispered back, like a secret; like if he spoke any louder the little bubble around their illusion would burst and they’d both be alone again. “What are you doing this weekend?” Maybe a normal question would make things feel right between them. Normal boyfriends asked these questions. He could be normal for a little while.

“This weekend? I think Fandral’s dragging me out to something.” He sounded unsure, or maybe it was annoyed. Maybe Thor was ditching his friends lately to wallow in his apartment. He made a mental note to ask Sif.

“No, I’m taking you out this weekend, remember?” Loki smirked. Normal. What would he do if he weren’t in the hospital?

“Are you?” Loki could almost hear the smirk in Thor’s voice.

“Yes,” he croaked. “Darcy just sold another of my paintings and I want to celebrate, so I’m taking you away this weekend.” Thor hummed his approval, clearly getting into the fantasy Loki was about to string together. “We’d take my ‘57 Jaguar XKSS Roadster up to Milwaukee—”

Thor whistled. “You’re really spoiling me this weekend,” he replied.

“We’d stay at the beautiful Schuster Mansion. Buy a giant pretzel with spicy mustard and hot cheese.” His stomach was already wishing this was happening. “We’d debate over whether to play around at Discovery World or enjoy the art at the Grohmann Museum. I’d tell you how much you’d like to see the art of all the engineering sciences. You’d tell me how much I’d like the aquarium. In the end, you’d agree that you wanted to see the art, while I’d agree I wanted to enjoy the aquarium. Naturally, we’d kiss and go to the public market instead.”

“Would we?” Thor chuckled.

“Mmm hmmm,” he replied. His stomach was starting to hurt again and he wished he had a second heating pad. “My illusion of you being curled up behind me is about to end,” Loki sniffed.

“What’s wrong?” Thor worried. He could hear shuffling on the other end and he assumed Thor had gotten up from wherever he’d been.

“My stomach is starting to hurt again, that’s all. It’ll be OK.” Reluctantly, Loki moved the heating pad from his back to rest against his stomach, enjoying the heat almost immediately. “It was a good call to move the heating pad, though.” Maybe he should ask his mother to bring him another one…

“I can bring you another one, if you’d like,” Thor told him. Loki laughed.

“I was just thinking of asking my mother,” he smirked.

“Alright,” Thor replied, sounding a little disappointed. He was probably going crazy not being able to help him or do anything. Thor needed tasks when things weren’t going well. He’d noticed that eventually. Problems were something to tackle.

“Do you like fish?” Loki asked, moving to distract the blond once more with his weekend fantasy.

“What?” Thor sounded confused.

“Fish. Do you like fish?” Loki teased. It took a few moments before he got a response.

“Yeah. I like seafood a lot.” The rustling sounds were back and Loki hoped Thor was relaxing once again.

“Well, I’d take you to the St. Paul Fish Company for lunch. It’s amazing. You’d love it. Most of all, we’d get two sandwiches and spend a ridiculous amount of time feeding them to each other. Getting all gross and messy and making everyone around us uncomfortable. I’d love it.”

“I’d love it,” Thor chimed in. “I’d probably miss your mouth a lot on purpose, just so I could kiss your face clean again.” Loki blushed, a delighted little humm escaping his throat.

“Then I’d say let’s go to Discovery World, because I wanted something interactive. But I’d really just want to watch your face as you act like a big kid.” Thor laughed.

“I’d agree for the exact same reason,” Thor rumbled with a sigh. “I want this weekend so fucking much.”

“It’ll happen,” Loki decided. “When I’m better, it’ll be our first trip together,” he promised. He could hear Thor’s little cry laugh on the other end and it broke his heart. He hadn’t even known him a year and yet he cared so much for his giant teddy bear. He swallowed, wondering where Thor had gone. It was silent on his end. “Thor?” he asked. There was some shuffling again and a lot of nose blowing before Thor came back on the line.

“I’m here,” he sniffled. Loki wiped at his own eyes, then. Whenever Thor got emotional, it set him off about half the time.

“OK,” Loki warbled. He poked his head out from under the blanket, feeling too hot underneath it. “That reminds me. My parents should take my car out this week… It needs some exercise,” he coughed, grabbing a tissue to wipe at his nose. 

“OK,” Thor seemed to have recovered. “What’s the story behind that car? How do you have it? Because that is one gorgeous car,” he asked. Loki laughed.

“It’s actually a funny story.” He clutched the heating pad a little tighter to his body, feeling another wave of pain wash over him. Loki bit his lip to keep from groaning. “I went to this police auction, actually. You can get some really cheap cars that way.” He pulled the over-the-bed table closer to him and grabbed the cup of water, taking a long drink. “And there it was. This beautiful car, like out of some dream. I had no idea how it ended up there. Repossession...suspended license...I really don’t know. But it was rich and green with a black interior. A few gold accents here and there. I fell head over heels.” He took another drink of water.

“As I’m sure everyone else did who could afford a Jaguar,” Thor mentioned. Loki could sense the hesitation. After all, he probably assumed he had the cash to drop on something like a classic Jaguar. Well, Thor would be wrong on that count.

“Well, I proceeded to spend the entire day talking about how awful the car was. How it was a fake, look at the modifications someone did to it. Total body kit. What a shame.” Thor was laughing on the other end, probably imagining the whole scene. “I mean, I don’t know much about cars, but whatever I could think of, I told people was wrong with it. And how terrible the police were selling it like a real Jaguar.”

“Surely someone caught onto you,” Thor protested. The grin on Loki’s face was positively feral.

“Not a one. I’d done my research to make sure I looked the part of a real car guy. I mean...I hadn’t planned to drop a bunch of cash on a car like this. I was actually there for something a little more practical. But the idea was the same. Find the best car, talk it down, and throw everyone off,” he explained.

“Naturally,” Thor laughed.

“Eventually even the auctioneer and the police came over to listen to my story. I went through the whole song and dance for them until they brought the price way down and put it up on auction as a Jaguar with major body modifications. Not many wanted it after that.” He was actually quite proud of this whole day. Darcy had been an excellent wingwoman.

“It still had to be expensive, though. I’m sure these cars are sold for millions,” Thor pointed out, still not believing his story.

“Of course they do. But I made sure people knew how terrible it was to modify a classic car. How it ruins it, and so on. I made it sound so terrible hardly anyone was interested anymore. Then Darcy swooped in and bought it for next to nothing. It was the perfect trick.” When he put the water down, he took one of the pieces of candied ginger to eat. Erika had made more for him, like the angel she was, and the batch had turned out perfectly. “I’d done such a good job talking this car down, Darcy only needed to bump it up to $15,000 to win it. One of the best days of my life. We put the title in my name and I let her take the car out every so often for all her help.”

“I can’t believe it,” Thor said. “I just…” Loki smiled to himself, rubbing circles along his belly. “It’s a classic Jaguar! How could…”

“I’ll have to go with you next time. See if we can find you anything,” he whispered, all soft and sultry. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” Thor chuckled. “Though, I doubt we’ll find another treasure like that.”

“You’re probably right,” Loki groaned, unable to stifle the pain.

“Are you OK?” Thor spooked on the other end.

“Hmmm…” he replied, taking a few deep breaths and reaching for another piece of the ginger. “Yeah.” Thor let out a long sigh along with him.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked Loki. It made him smile.

“Just sing to me a little bit more; all soft and everything,” he requested. “I want to take a nap, so sing me to sleep, Rockstar.”  
  
***  
  
He almost thought the man was pranking him back on April Fool’s Day, but instead, he’d gotten a bone marrow biopsy. An extremely painful process he did not want to repeat with any sort of regularity. Two weeks later, Banner was in paying him a very important visit. The bandage on his hip was itchy and he had to be careful not to roll on his side, now.

“I’ve been looking at your numbers, and the biopsy results,” Bruce was saying. Thor and his parents were next to him in their protective wear. They’d all been playing cards when Dr. Banner came in. When Bruce looked up, he had four sets of eyes staring into him. “I’m happy to report the new bone marrow cells are growing,” he smiled. It was silent in the room for a moment, like Bruce had successfully frozen time, somehow. Loki’s heart beat hard as he thought through what Bruce had just told him. He’d just told him he was part of that 62% success rate like it was no big deal. Like they all hadn’t been waiting on pins and needles to hear exactly this for weeks. Even with the sepsis, things were still successful! He couldn’t help it. His hands reached out and grabbed onto the forearms of whoever was closest to him. Thor on his left, his father on his right. His mother’s hand was rubbing his leg as they all started looking at each other.

“You’re sure?” Thor asked.

“Positive,” Bruce nodded. “The new cells are growing, your blood cell count is increasing at a great rate, and your platelet levels are looking really good.” Bruce put a piece of paper down on the little over-the-bed table for all of them to look at. Loki’s grip was getting so tight, the flimsy paper gowns were ripping just a little, and he withdrew his hands quickly, grabbing onto the paper. Most of what he was looking at meant nothing to him, but the little positive signs on the paper brought tears to his eyes.

“I’m getting better,” he sniffed, wiping at his eyes.

“Yes,” his mother replied, resting her head on his legs. Her eyes were bright and wet as she cried. “Our prayers were answered, elskling,” she smiled, hugging the blankets and his legs tightly against her. His father was patting his shoulder, too.

“Ros være,” Laufey whispered, his way of thanking the old gods. When he looked over at Thor, he just about lost it altogether. He didn’t know how a man he’d seen on many different occasions could suddenly look so different. It was like he’d taken this beautiful piece of silver and polished it all up until it was blindingly bright. Like he’d been treading water the entire time he knew Thor and suddenly he’d been given a ride back to shore.

“Where are my gloves?” Loki sobbed, looking around for them.

“What do you need them for?” his father asked, bewildered as he grabbed them from the nightstand and handed them over. 

“I just need them,” He grumbled, putting them on. He pulled Thor to him, grasping his face like a lifeline. He couldn’t kiss him, or touch him, or anything, really, but he would show Thor as best he could with these gloves on. _‘You are my world,’_ his hands said, as they slid over his hair, eyes, ears, down the back of his neck. _‘You make me so happy,’_ they kept speaking, as Loki dragged his hands over shoulders and arms and hands. And when he could finally look at Thor’s face again, the message shared between them was clear. _‘We have a whole life ahead of us.’_ Thor clasped his mittens and pulled his hands back up to rest on his cheeks. The mask was covering Thor’s smile, but Loki could tell just how big it was. Dr. Banner cleared his throat and Loki turned back around to look at the rest of them. He smiled at his parents, the tears still falling steadily.

“Did you have any questions about the results?” he asked them. Loki wiped at his eyes and stared at the doctor’s blurry form.

“I’m afraid I don’t understand much of what’s on this sheet, but it sounds good from what you’re saying, so…” He laughed, feeling lighter already. “So what are the next steps?” He rested his gloved hands over his mother’s next, squeezing her back tightly.

“I’m going to green light moving you back to your own room,” Bruce replied. “There will be another 65 days of isolation. So, keep up with the protective wear, and we’ll still want to keep physical touch to a minimum.” He paused, looking around the room. “And I know that has been something you’ve discussed with Eir. So, keeping touch to a minimum doesn’t mean you have to avoid at all costs, but just make sure to keep a healthy distance most of the time.” Loki let go of his mother’s hands as she sat back up. They’d been a little lax with the news, but hopefully careful enough. It didn’t stop him from feeling like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, though. “By the end of the isolation period, you’re free to go home for the remainder of your recovery. You’ll need to keep your home clean and free of spores and germs and come back to the hospital for regular checkups. But you don’t have to stay if you’d rather be at home.” There was a look that passed over Laufey’s face, like the information Dr. Banner had passed along wasn’t something he wanted him to tell Loki. He assumed it was because his father would try to convince him to stay here at Hope verses living in his own space. He didn’t know what he wanted to do, at this point. It was enough just to make it to this stage.

“How long for a full recovery?” Laufey asked, giving Bruce a hard stare. The doctor took it in stride. He likely dealt with all manner of people in his profession.

“Recovery after the isolation period could take another four to nine months, depending on how quick Loki heals,” he replied.

“And what about the sepsis?” his mother asked. They were all worried about a return. If it happened once with a transplant from a donor, there was a high chance it would happen again. 

“If we have more issues with the sepsis, which I don’t anticipate, knowing the cells are growing, then I’d recommend another stay in the hospital, just to monitor everything.” They all nodded, thinking through all the information. For his part, Loki still felt like he was on cloud nine. He finally, after all the sickness and anxiety, all the tiredness and issues with eating and sleeping...after all that, he could tell himself with certainty that the procedure had worked. He pulled his legs up towards his chest, collapsing against them, and sobbed. With his forehead resting on his knees, he let go. All that stress and mental anguish. He finally understood when people said it was like being born anew, because his body was being born all over again, as the new stem cells merged within his body. Thor rested a hand against his lower back, warm and large. Comforting.

“We’re going to walk Dr. Banner out,” his parents said, getting up to give them some privacy. He wondered if it was weird for them to come second, now. To give space to some man in his life, instead of the other way around. Maybe it wasn’t strange at all.

“Hey,” Thor nudged, getting Loki to look over at him. He was still this ethereal, glowing sun. And he was so beautiful. Loki put a hand on his cheek again and gave up a watery smile. “Welcome home, soldier,” Thor warbled, crying alongside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ros være = praise be
> 
> I'm sorry, I don't know if anyone else has enjoyed, but I found Fandral's horrible sculpting skills to be too fun... And his terrible squirrel sculpture featured in this chapter. Hehehe. 
> 
> So, the song Thor sings is Johanna from the musical Sweeney Todd. The versions on Spotify were too high pitched for my liking, so I found this video of more of a baritone singer. >:) So, Thor wouldn't [sound this good](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44AYsTp3wp8), but he'd sound this low, in my mind. If the link no longer works, look up Nathan Gunn singing Johanna. :) And can I just say? I loved this bit between them. It was so cute! <3 ;) Oh, also, I changed the color of the hair that's sung in the song. So, it's traditionally sung about yellow hair and not raven hair, but Thor's allowed to improvise! :P
> 
> The brief lyrics Loki sings is from the musical Carousel. The song "If I Loved You." There's a version with [Josh Groban](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9q3x1t9JdBM) singing it with Audra McDonald that's really pretty. Just FYI. :) 
> 
> This is the [fancy car](https://goo.gl/images/fZ9Agw) Loki has. ;) This story was fun to think up. I went through a bunch of different options with my beta before ending up with this one. I had a whole other story of him winning it off of some jerk who showed up to his first art exhibit, but it just didn't sound right. This was a much better option. :D <3
> 
> The whole little trip Loki describes to Milwaukee, WI, USA, I can recommend each place Loki talks about. :) Along with many others. Also, is anyone else enjoying the nicknames Loki comes up for Thor, haha!!! <3 It just kinda became a thing and it's so hilarious to me.
> 
> And, yay!!! The day we've all been anticipating!!! :D Are you all a little happier now??? <3 <3 <3 I loved the sweet Thorki-ness in this chapter. <3 It' just so sweet!!! <3 And I couldn't resist with April Fool's Day, sorry, haha! I am that corny. ;)
> 
> If you have a moment, let me know what you thought!! Come find me on [Tumblr ](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13)!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I just can't quit with the angst in this fic. <3 But I hope y'all enjoy. ;)

Moving him back to his own rooms sounded like a huge fiasco. The day after Bruce gave him the a-OK, Loki was itching to move back. But the room had to be cleaned and cleared by Bruce, then the special filtration system had to be running for a day or two. When they were finally ready to move him, Loki was overly ready to go. They planned to transport him on a gurney, then give him an oxygen mask and tank. Dr. Banner didn’t want to take any chances in moving him, so he was going to breathe through the oxygen mask while a giant plastic bubble, essentially, surrounded the gurney. No outside air should disturb him, and when they got to the room, he’d get out of the bubble in the air lock, so there was no contamination. Despite the hassle, it was still worth it to him. The room had been nice enough, but he never felt fully comfortable or at home there. His sleep schedule had plummeted, too, trying to get acclimated to the new surroundings.

The night before, his parents and Thor had carefully packed up his things for him, and it had been incredibly hard to let them touch everything. But he had to bite his tongue. He was in no shape to pack himself, and he needed all his things when he moved. And the hospital would need a cleared room for the next patient. The one thing he did object to was Franklin. Loki planned to carry the sculpted squirrel with him during transport. He didn’t want anything to happen to it accidentally. He didn’t know where he wanted to put all the silk flowers, but the window clings would look very nice on the windows across from the hospital bed. They decided it was best to move him early, so they didn’t need to leave out his toiletries or a change of clothes.

When he got up that morning, all his things had been moved already. Thor, he assumed, before he had to go to work. That man was constantly putting in extra hours to help him. He needed to text Sif and ask her how much downtime the man was giving himself, because Loki was getting worried for him. His illness was a huge burden to take on. 

The room looked empty and sad, now. Nothing like the faery forest it had been before. He found Franklin waiting right by the bed, along with his hanten, so when May wheeled the gurney into the room, he was ready to go. She and Marcus helped him onto the gurney, and as much as he’d resisted being here, he knew he was going to miss the two of them.

“Thank you, for everything,” he told them, smiling faintly as he blushed.

“Oh, stop,” May replied, helping him with the oxygen mask and starting the tank. When they’d gotten him all zipped up into the plastic shield, the two nurses removed their masks and smiled at him.

“It really was our pleasure,” Marcus told him. “And it’s not like we won’t ever see you again,” he smirked. Oh how Loki had missed talking to people in person without those stupid masks on.

“Yeah, we still work here. We’ll come visit,” May cheered. “And we’ll definitely want to see you before you leave us.” Loki smiled at them and leaned back on the gurney.

“Are you ready?” Marcus asked. Loki nodded, and off they went.  
  
***  
  
“I understand, Far,” Loki growled into the phone. Darcy was on Skype while Thor sat next to him reading a nursing journal. Peer reviewed articles, technical jargon...it sounded awful. Well...maybe not so awful, if he learned the jargon. He might actually find it interesting. Darcy appeared to be painting her toenails a fire engine red as he argued with his father. “No, I—” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose. “No…” As he got more agitated, Thor looked over at him. “No.” A hand resting on his knee, now. “I understand. I understand. I understand…” A pause between each one, as his father argued his case, hard, on the other end. “Yes, but—” Loki scowled as he was interrupted again. “I’m not talking about this right now,” he stated, making it clear the discussion was closed for now. “No.” Thor’s hand rubbed up on his thigh. “No. Thor is here, Darcy is on Skype, and I’m pretty sure I’m about to get lucky, so I’ll talk about this later, when I’ve had more time to think on it.” Darcy was snickering on the other end.

“Hey, Wonder Boy.” Thor put his journal down to look over at Darcy. “If you do stick a hand down his pants, at least have the decency to angle the camera correctly. We could make a lot of money… And just think of the publicity, Babe,” Darcy teased him. Thor smirked as he inched his hand a little closer to Loki’s crotch.

“Yup, definitely getting lucky. I’ll talk to you later, Far. I love you both.” Loki hung up the call, not waiting to hear a goodbye from the other end as he turned expectantly to Thor. The blond chuckled at him.

“While I enjoy being your excuse, I’m not sure it’s wise to…” Thor stared pointedly at his dick, then back up into Loki’s eyes.

“No, of course not,” Loki sighed, accepting the fact that sex just wasn’t a part of his life right now; not part of this stage of his recovery. As frustrating as it was, it also wasn’t something on his mind very often. His focus was on his daily schedule—no surprise there. “But I did enjoy teasing him,” Loki smirked.

“Is this about staying at the hospital after your isolation period?” Darcy asked, examining her toes with a critical eye.

“Yes,” he huffed. “And I don’t want to argue about it until I’ve actually given it enough thought.” Thor nodded next to him, continuing to draw slow circles on his thigh as he picked the journal back up. Every time his fingers got close to his hips, Loki’s belly did a little flip. But Thor was content just to sit with him, as this was technically Darcy’s time he was intruding on. Loki looked over at the screen, watching Darcy turn her fingernails into cute little balloons.

“Well,” Darcy replied, pausing in her motions, “I’m not going to give you my opinion, because I don’t want to influence you in any way and have it be the wrong choice…”

“I’m not sure there’s a wrong choice here,” Thor chimed in, distractedly.

“Regardless,” Darcy said, arching a brow at them through the screen.

“Those are really cute, Darce,” Loki pouted, enjoying the nail art blossoming on the screen.

“Thanks, babe.” Darcy actually blushed.

“I had no idea you were such a talented nail artist.” He watched her work for a little longer before pouting again. “I want some.” Darcy laughed, looking up to give him her best shark smile.

“I am multi-talented. You knew that.” She winked at Loki, putting the polish down to show off her progress. “I’ll do you when I can visit again.” Loki laughed. “How are you faring in prison?” she asked. 

He snorted, before crossing his arms. “It’s not prison. It’s recovery,” Loki reminded her.

“It equals the same thing: me not able to visit.” She added a cute little flourish to her nail.

“Technically you could visit him in prison,” Thor chimed in again. Darcy’s glare was lethal, but Thor hadn’t even looked up, once again.

“Well, no one asked you, Wonder Boy,” Darcy sneered. Loki spared a quick glance over to Thor, worried. Darcy could get ugly sometimes, when challenged. 85% of the time she was a cute little otter. Fun, playful, industrious. You didn’t want that other 15% turned on you because you never knew if you’d get the aloof disinterest of a cat or the deadly strike of a snake. Thor said nothing, which was probably a good thing.

“Weeellllll…” Loki said, trying to win back the other 85%. “When this isolation ends, it’ll be pride month, so I want rainbow nails,” he requested.

“Ooohh, that would be cute,” she replied, putting a tail on the next balloon. “I’ll have to find some cute designs and practice.

“And I’m sure Thor would love something understated, if you wanted to practice on him,” he offered, elbowing Thor next to him. Loki much preferred Otter Darcy, so when Thor looked up at him, he gave him a glare and just nodded his head.

“Yes, absolutely,” Thor replied, looking between the two. “I’d love it.” Darcy smiled back and Loki relaxed again.

“Ahh..matching would be so cute, you guys!” She’d finished one hand and was letting it dry, now. “OK, I’ll find something cute, for sure.” Loki smiled, clapping his hands.

“I want something really cute and bold,” Loki replied, imagining splashes of Rainbow Brite against his nails.  
  
***  
  
Loki stared at the schedule in front of him. It planned out the whole day and was immensely satisfying to look at. Every morning his alarm would wake him at 9 am for breakfast. Always the same thing in the morning. Granola with bits of coconut and cocoa nibs, whole milk, and vanilla yogurt. Tea. Sometimes he added a hard boiled egg, but it wasn’t often. A nurse would be in by 10:30 to monitor as he got ready. He was still under observation for moving around, but he felt a little stronger each day and had graduated to doing most of his exercises sitting up, now. 11 o’clock and he was usually washed and dressed. The next two hours he’d read. Lunch at 1. Banana, bowl of soup, sometimes crackers. Then he had five hours to fill in before dinner arrived. When he was finished with lunch, he’d spend the rest of the hour going over finances, emails from Darcy, emails from fans. Darcy made posts on social media, so he didn’t have to worry about promoting his art on his own. She really was a dream, and deserved some flowers sent her way… Hours two and three, he was creating paper shapes. Stars, animals, boxes, complicated origami shapes. He watched videos to create new things for the kids in the hospital. Many times, he did it just to see the look on Thor’s face when he had a new shape he’d worked out. 

Hours four and five, his parents would visit. Since the 30 day isolation period had ended, they were allowed to stay longer. They would talk for a little while, then watch something on TV or read. They’d started watching The Crown together. Laufey was a huge fan, as was Odin. He found it funny the two men enjoyed the drama so much. Frequently he’d draw while his parents were there, or draw while watching TV. That was a good way to be productive and restive. It was smart to multitask. His mother always had some crafts with her, and his father had bought himself a whole book of crosswords and sudoku puzzles. Before his illness, they hadn’t spent so much time together. Dinner two or three times a month. He’d call often, but they were all busy people. Now, they just enjoyed being together, even if they were all silent and doing their own activity. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he left the hospital. He’d need a whole new schedule. Though, he’d need a new schedule anyways.

Dinner at 6 was always whatever bone marrow transplant meal they’d bring him. It was the one meal he strived to give up control over. Thor would come after dinner, and he’d try to make it to 9 before he was too tired to stay awake. If he hadn’t napped at all during the day, he was out of it by 9. Sometimes earlier. If he’d taken a nap, 9 was fine. If he’d taken multiple naps, he was up till 10 and usually up again at 2 or 3 for a little while. But he’d been sleeping better since moving back to his own rooms, and was he glad to be back. Pam, Evelyn, Natasha, and Hogun had all put up a sign that said “welcome back” for him. It made him smile the moment he stepped through the door. They’d thought enough to put up a sign for him, in their spare time. It was incredibly sweet. More often than not, though, he’d be asleep before Thor left for the night. And that was the way he liked it. He could pretend Thor was staying the whole night.

His whole day was scheduled to perfection. He loved this. Why didn’t he do this more often in his life? It was just smart and efficient. Everything had a place and an appropriate time. He looked up as Thor came in, right on time, and smiled.  
  
***  
  
Natasha came in today with his lunch. Not Evelyn, as he was used to. Natasha came in, gowned up, mask, gloves, carrying a tray, and when she set it down, it wasn’t what he had asked for. “What happened to the asparagus soup? And the banana?” he asked, confused at what he was looking at. Maybe she’d grabbed the wrong tray. That would be OK. He just needed what he ordered.

“Hey, Loki,” she smirked. “The delivery truck didn’t show today, so we’ve been scrambling and a little short on food. So, there’s no bananas right now, and the only soup we had was chicken noodle. Is this OK? I made sure you weren’t allergic to anything I grabbed for you,” Natasha told him.

“What…” He stared down at the tray a little dumbfounded. “No, this isn’t what they said they’d bring me,” he said, looking up at Natasha. “I always have a banana and a bowl of soup, and today’s soup was going to be asparagus, not chicken noodle.”

“I’m so sorry, Loki. The food truck didn’t make it in today. But there should be asparagus soup tomorrow, if you still want it,” Natasha offered.

He straightened the silverware that was on the tray until it was perfectly lined up. “Chicken noodle was yesterday. I don’t want yesterday’s soup. I want today’s soup,” he insisted, rotating the glass of water on the tray until it was perfectly placed. “Can I get it from a store? My parents will be by today. They could bring it,” he went on.

“I’m sorry, but you can’t take any chances with outside food. Is this OK? I can see if there’s anything else,” she said. Loki stared down at the food. He wanted to tell her no, it wasn’t OK. He wanted his banana and the _right_ soup. Rationally, he understood. A whole truck of food didn’t make it. There was nothing to be done about it. But it felt wrong. He felt anxious agreeing to eat this food. Natasha had been nice enough to bring him some soup and some crackers. There were little orange slices, too. He didn’t much like oranges, but it’s not like he wouldn’t eat the food...  
“I don’t know,” he told her, placing a hand over the port catheter lodged under his skin. It felt wrong. His day was off, now. Breakfast had been fine, so why was lunch such a problem? “I don’t know,” he whispered, scratching at his skin. “I don’t know…” Natasha moved his hand away from his chest and onto the over-the-bed table.

“How about you try a couple bites and if it’s just not working out, we’ll figure something else out, OK?” she suggested. Loki took a deep breath in, staring down at the tray.

“OK,” he agreed. It would be fine. It was just a different soup...a different fruit. He would be fine.

“OK, I’ll let you have some privacy, but you just press that call button if it’s no good and we’ll figure something out,” she said. When he nodded back, Natasha turned to leave. He picked up an orange slice. Why would she leave now? Evelyn would stay to know he was OK. She wouldn’t leave him to it and then tell him to call her back if there was an issue. Where was Evelyn?

He bit into the orange, the acidic juices bursting on his tongue. This wasn’t what he wanted. But it was lunch time. But this wasn’t what was supposed to be brought in. Loki looked over at the little sound machine Thor had bought him. He’d tried it out a few times and liked it, but he usually forgot about it when he got too anxious. This time, he leaned over and grabbed it off the nightstand. When he placed it on the over-the-bed table next to the food tray, he turned it on to ocean waves. The sound always seemed to calm him. “Why are you chicken noodle?” he lamented to the soup. It wasn’t fair. He finished the slice of orange, panicky and unsatisfied.  _ ‘Wrong wrong wrong,’ _ he felt.

When the sounds of the ocean seemed to do nothing for him, he chose the deep breathing option. He’d never actually tried this one out before. But he laid back on the bed and listened to the recorded breaths. They weren’t as rumbly as Thor’s, but they were clear and easy to follow. Eventually, he got his own breathing to match the machine and decided he could try the soup. It’s not like it’s going to come out and harm him. A few bites won’t hurt. Loki picked up the spoon and took a bite of the soup. It tasted like yesterday and he hated it. Two more bites and he couldn’t take it anymore. This wasn’t what he was supposed to get. He angrily shoved another slice of orange into his mouth, but that was it. He couldn’t eat this. 

_ ‘Ooohhhh...but it’s lunch time,’ _ his mind helpfully supplied. Loki’s hands shook angrily as he stared down at the tray of food. It taunted him. His brain said it was time to eat, but not that.  _ ‘What the fuck do you want me to do?’ _ he berated himself, kicking out at the over-the-bed table a little. The table wheeled further down the bed and Loki hastily pulled the sound machine off of it. His stomach churned as he stared back at the tray of food. Why did his day have to be so ruined? It wasn’t even two o’clock. 

When he couldn’t stand the sight of the food any longer, he threw the blanket over his head, making himself a fort underneath it. The sound machine was still going off with its deep breathing sounds, and he clutched the little square to himself and curled up in his fort. There was nothing outside him. Deep breath in. Hold. The world was only as big as the blanket that surrounded him. Breathe out. “Clean hands, clear soul,” he whispered. Deep breath in. Hold. Breathe out. “Clean room, clear mind.” The room was rather scattered, compared to before. Perhaps that was why he was so out of sorts. He should organize the room. Thor had put the silk flowers wherever over the room, and the window clings weren’t in a pleasing pattern quite yet. “Everything’s ready because everything’s in its place,” he murmured. If he didn’t leave blanket world, everything would be fine. Deep breath in. Hold. Breathe out. 

His brain had decided on one thing it wanted, so Loki quickly peeked out from his fort and snatched the crackers off the food tray. It wouldn’t be very filling, but at least his mind would stop saying it was time to eat. He munched on the cracker slowly, still listening to the sound machine as he curled up a little tighter. Hadn’t Natasha said to call her if he couldn’t eat the food? No, she’d said there wasn’t much else to bring him. Wasn’t that what she’d said? He shivered, contemplating reaching a hand out to the call button. He could just press it and ask Natasha. It would be simple. But the call button was outside of blanket-world, and anything outside the fort wasn’t alright. Nothing was ready or clean or organized. He finished the last cracker, then changed the noise on the sound machine to something more intimate. It had a heartbeat sound that he found quite calming, like nothing else. He held the box against his chest, letting the sound flood through him and the beats vibrate against his skin. ‘ _ 1...2...3...4...5...6…’ _ Steady, constant, reliable.  _ ‘Thor…’ _ He shook, anxious and still hungry and alone.  __ ‘14...15...16...17...18...19...20…..’  
  
***  
  
Loki stared at the little timer on his sound machine. He’d been counting for a few hours, now, and his parents were late. Why were they late? They always had this same schedule. Was everyone trying to test him today? Maybe something had happened. Maybe his mother had been hurt on her way to the hospital. Maybe his father got caught up in some horrific meeting about a lawsuit that would bankrupt the hospital. Maybe someone had said something about him dating Thor and there was a meeting going on to prepare for any kind of backlash. Everything was terrible. Clearly there was something evil afoot today and there would be no leaving blanket-world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, [this](https://goo.gl/images/qTXh8V) is what Darcy is painting her nails like. Darcy will probably do [this](https://goo.gl/images/dxUz6b) to Loki's nails. ;D And [this](https://goo.gl/images/okRv5i) for Thor!
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed! <3 I feel like maybe it's a shorter chapter? I don't actually know, lol. Sorry this is late. I was getting sleepy editing ch. 11 and lost track of time!! ;) Happy St. Nick day to you all, and a very happy birthday to my super cute puppy!! <3 <3 <3 She's five today!! :O Omg!! They grow up so fast!! :'( <3
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13), and [Pillowfort](http://pillowfort.io/ktspree13)! Come hang out!! :D If you get a moment, please leave a comment. I love to hear from my readers. <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's been with me through this whole process. I appreciate all of you and hope you continue to enjoy my Three Little Words series! If you get a moment, let me know what you thought!! :D

“Well, how long has he been like this?” Loki roused under the blanket, still listening to the heartbeat streaming through his sound machine. He must have fallen asleep.

“I’m sorry Mr. Jouklssen. I brought him lunch and let him know to page us if it wasn’t OK. I didn’t hear anything, so I assumed everything was fine.” Natasha’s voice, now. He felt all sluggish and detached, like he hadn’t been sleeping at all. Loki listened to the sound of paper being crumpled outside of his blanket haven. His father must be quite angry if he needed to find something to destroy.

“He was hysterical. They had to drug him!” A hand hit his over-the-bed table.

“Laufey…” His mother, now. Always the peacekeeper.

“Why were you not checking on him? Why not stay to see if everything was fine?” There was some kind of scuffle as a chair was knocked over, and Loki sighed. He knew he got his destructive tendencies from somewhere.

“I’m sorry, sir. He wasn’t exhibiting signs of severe distress. I thought it was an episode he could work through.” Natasha sounded strange. It was weird to hear her voice so open and vulnerable.

“His OCD thrives off of schedules and creating patterns in his everyday life, which we’ve clearly all been feeding to him with aplomb…” His father sounded truly upset. More upset than he’d heard him in a long time. More upset than when he’d been stupid enough to exhaust himself into passing out.

“Sir, I’ll just get Jane, OK? We can all discuss a good way to move forward together.” Loki liked this plan. Jane was focused and efficient, like Eir, but with Darcy’s energy. He liked her because she always seemed to have answers and she liked to offer more options until you were completely happy with the situation. 

“No, I want to hear from you why you didn’t do your job,” Laufey hissed. Loki swallowed, trying to dispel the cotton mouth feeling.

“Far…” Loki chanced the outside, peeking his eyes out from the blanket and turning off his sound machine. Three sets of eyes immediately settled on him. “Let Natasha go,” he pleaded. “It’s not her fault.”

“Loki,” his mother replied, placing a hand on Laufey’s shoulder. Everyone in the room was quiet until Natasha spoke up again.

“Let me grab Jane,” she replied, the cool mask back up. Loki had always admired her ability to change tactics quickly, put on a different face, be something different when the situation called for it. “Are you OK, Mr. Laufeyson?” she asked him. He nodded at her, pulling the blanket down a little more. He was surprised Thor wasn’t in the room. Slowly, very slowly, he uncurled himself from the position he’d been in. He didn’t remember anyone coming in before now, but maybe they had. Things felt fuzzy, still. As he moved to lay on his back , he noticed his mother had come to sit next to him, and her hand was on his leg, moving in slow circles. The movement gave him something to focus on, and brought his mind around a little more.

“You were late,” he rasped, looking around for his cup of water. His mother left and came back with a bottle of sparkling water. 

“Here, elskling,” she said, handing over the bottle. They were all suited up, but he was happy they were there. When his father finally came to sit by him, his hands were shaking.

“Are you mad, Far?” he asked. Farbauti’s eyes watered as she looked over at him, and Laufey’s expression was hard for him to read.

“Yes,” was the eventual reply. “I am mad at the staff, and that no one informed me of the missing truck of food today. That affected more than just you, and it should have been brought to my attention. There are plenty of vendors we could have reached out to. But I’m mostly angry the nursing staff didn’t do their jobs in checking on you today,” he bit out, clenching a hand on Loki’s leg. It was almost painful.

“We were mostly just scared,” Farbauti told him. “I’m not sure you’ve had quite a break like this before,” she soothed him, stroking down his leg and resting her hand atop his father’s on his ankle. Laufey sighed, looking up at Loki, finally, with such vulnerable eyes.

“What do you mean?” he asked. It was alarming to hear his parents speak about him this way.

“You weren’t yourself earlier,” his mother replied, her eyes following his hands as Loki took a drink from the bottle of water.

“What do you—” Loki’s brows furrowed, getting annoyed at the lack of explanation, but the looks in his parents’ eyes stopped him from asking again. They looked raw, like it was too soon to be discussing this. He sighed, deciding to give it up for now. If he’d been drugged earlier, maybe he’d remember something later. He took a deep breath and looked back at his parents. “Are you OK? You were late before, so I thought something might have happened,” he replied, calm and collected.

“I had a meeting at the salon that ran late, and your father was helping me close up, if you can believe it,” Faubauti chuckled. Loki smiled at them, glad nothing serious had been going on.

“Are you OK now?” he asked them. He knew his time in the hospital was just as hard on them, and he really didn’t check in with them enough about it. His father’s hand patted his leg, a little twinkle making it back into his expression.

“We will be, hele meg,” Laufey sighed. “And how are you?” he asked. The curiosity was plain on both their faces as Laufey wrapped his arms around Farbauti.

Loki brought the blanket back down his body to cover just his legs and took a deep breath. “I still feel a little fuzzy, but I don’t feel anxious like I did before,” he admitted. He noticed the food tray from before was gone. “Did I miss dinner?” he asked. He was getting pretty hungry at this point.

“I had them set something aside for you,” his father replied. “I don’t know what it is, but if it’s making you anxious, we’ll figure something out, alright?” Loki pressed his lips together, tight, as he nodded.

“How was work today?” he asked, his throat feeling constricted and uncomfortable.

“I took the day off,” Laufey mentioned, collapsing back against the chair. “But clearly I shouldn’t have,” he grumbled. “I will be informing Miss Potts that the next time a truck of food doesn’t show up at our door to call me, even if I’m not working.” 

“I think Pepper had the day off today, dear,” Farbauti told him. His father growled.

“Then whatever incompetent underling that’s beneath her shall be fired,” he spat, getting himself worked up again.

“Alright, sweetheart,” she appeased him, patting his arm. “We’re not here to tell Loki about your diabolical plans and general upsets.” Farbauti turned to look at him. “My day was lovely. I got to do up a whole wedding party this morning. The bride looked so beautiful.” Loki smiled. His mother loved doing weddings most of all, and the salon got a fair number of them. Loki always thought it was due to the package his mother offered. Hair, nails, massage for the bride for a set price. It was a very appealing package, and cleverly marketed.

“How many bridesmaids?” he asked her.

“Oh, six beautiful women and the cutest little flower girl! I swear, I’ve not seen a cuter little girl,” she sighed. Loki and his father laughed.

“You say that every time,” he teased. Farbauti laughed with them.

“I suppose I do. But they’re all just the most adorable little babies.” She leaned back against Laufey, smiling and happy, finally. His mother loved babies, and he always knew she’d wanted lots of grandkids. Some days it made him sad he was gay because he knew he’d never have a child of his own with someone. He wasn’t interested in the process. Maybe he’d consider adoption some day, but that was way down the road, and only if his health was stable. And only if Thor wanted kids.

Loki’s mouth dropped open at what he’d just thought. ‘ _ Only if Thor wanted kids?’ _ When did this happen? He stuck the bottle of water up to his lips to hide the giant look of shock on his face and to plug his stupid pie hole. What the hell was he thinking,  _ only if Thor wanted kids……. _ This was preposterous. 

“Hey…” his mother patted his leg, drawing him back to them. “What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asked, squeezing his ankle in support. He felt like he’d made great strides in being more comfortable with touch, lately.

“Crazy stuff,” he smirked, taking another long drag of water. “Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Loki chewed on his bottom lip, thinking about all the scenarios he’d just put in his head. Honestly, was he even ready to think about futures with Thor? Was it really time to discuss the hard questions? He wasn’t sure. He’d never had such a successful relationship before. Some days it felt like Thor had been tailor made to fit in with his life. Like there could be no one else because the edges weren’t right for the puzzle piece.

“Well, I will always want to know,” Farbauti told him, Laufey nodding behind her. “But if you don’t want to share, I understand. Your thoughts are your own.” Loki relaxed, glad for once he didn’t have to say a thing. Sometimes he was surprised by just how amazing his parents were.   
  
***  
  
Loki woke with a start, feeling a hand on his ankle. When his eyes finally focused, the hand was gone, and Thor was sitting next to him, looking exhausted and guilty.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” Loki watched as Thor played with the hem of his shirt.

“What time is it?” Loki whispered back to him, Sitting up a little more in the bed.

“It’s ten. I was about to head out.” Thor rubbed the heels of his palms against his eyes as Loki yawned. “I just…” Loki nodded.

“I know,” he sniffed. “I’m sorry.” Loki looked into Thor’s eyes feeling awful about the whole day. He could see the blond had been put through the wringer worrying about him, and he felt horrible about it. “Are you sure you’re still interested?” he asked, putting himself down in the process. His OCD was a lot to take in sometimes, and it wasn’t something they could ever expect to go away. If it got to be too much…

“Of course I’m still interested.” Thor bumped one of his fists against Loki’s thigh, his eyes sparkling, finally. “I was on edge all day, though. I wanted to come see you as soon as I heard, but I couldn’t. And I spent most of the day running around,” he sighed. “I didn’t get off until 9, and Christine asked me to restock the emergency department’s supplies, so it was more running around than usual...” Thor leaned forward and hugged Loki’s legs, inhaling his scent from the blanket. “And I just—” Loki cut him off for the second time, taking a risk and placing a hand on Thor’s shoulder. He remembered a little more from the day and still felt pretty raw about it.

“I’m still a little foggy on everything that happened,” he admitted. “But it wasn’t an especially good day,” he swallowed. “My father made the argument that I...that everything got too regimented and scheduled. And he’s right in the sense that it plays right into my OCD, so when something upsets the schedule, sometimes I can reign it in and other times, I just can’t deal.” Loki played with his hands a little, trying not to think too hard about it. “I’m sorry you were worried.” He stopped himself from picking at his skin and moved his hands to rub his fingertips lightly over Thor’s back. He made sure to touch very lightly, and nowhere the little paper gown didn’t cover, trying to be cognizant of the no-touch policy. Thor nodded into the blanket before suddenly getting up from the bed and rushing over to where the nurse’s station sink was. “What are you doing?” Loki asked, worried. Thor grabbed some of the paper hand towels from the dispenser and held them against his eyes.

“Sorry,” he blubbered. “I didn’t want to contaminate anything,” he sniffed. “I should probably leave and get myself under control…” Loki swallowed, not enjoying that prospect one bit.

“No…” he whined, pouting at Thor.

“Loki…” he grumbled, removing the towels to look at him. “I’m not about to get you sick because I couldn’t hold myself together.” Loki stuck his lower lip out then, trying his best to look sad and pathetic.

“Please, Thor,” he whispered, pulling the weighted quilt over his shoulders and huddling under it. “Stay,” he replied. “Stay here for the night. The other rooms are completely closed off from mine. You can leave the room to use the bathroom, but...stay with me tonight, please?” Thor’s eyes were hard and bloodshot as he looked over at Loki.

“That has to be the worst decision you’ve made this whole recovery process,” he chided. “Now I’m going to go outside and cry a little bit more, probably, then blow my nose a bunch and come back in. Will you be OK?” Thor raised his eyebrows at him. Loki realized he hadn’t said no to staying the night. He hadn’t said yes, but he hadn’t said no. And since he hadn’t said no, Loki nodded his head.

“Can you give me the paper star supplies before you go?” he asked, quiet and meek, unlike himself. Today really felt off. Thor sobbed a laugh and nodded, holding the towels around his eyes and going to grab the box for Loki from the floor. He placed it on the bed, then quickly headed out the room, not bothering to hear Loki’s quiet “thank you” as he left.  
  
***  
  
It had been a half hour since Thor had left, and in that time, Loki had texted Sif furiously about the whole thing. ‘What’s Thor feeling?’ ‘How is he?’ ‘What’s been going on today?’ ‘What did I miss?’ ‘What can I do for him?’ ‘Call him!!’ ‘Make sure he’s OK!’ ‘Because I can’t!!’ Well, technically, he probably could call or text Thor. But he didn’t want to make things worse, or else his big blond bear would never come back inside. Sif sent him exactly two texts.

After Loki’s third message, he got this back from her: ‘Calm down.’ He rolled his eyes. If he knew how to do that successfully when he got anxious, he’d be a freaking miracle worker. Her second text came just around the half hour mark, probably after Sif talked to Thor. ‘He’s really worried about you,’ she started. Great, now he felt even worse. ‘But he’s also in a prime state right now, Rookie.’ Sif had dubbed him a rookie when it came to knowing Thor. He thought it was cute, except when it wasn’t. He wasn’t sure exactly what that had meant, so luckily she explained. ‘You’ve been having trouble getting him to open up? Now’s the time to crack that nut wide open. Don’t let up on him until he spills the beans. And by beans, I mean, keep at it until he tells you himself how he feels and what he needs right now. Because I’m getting a smidge tired of being a go-between, and he needs to get over holding all this back from you.’ Well… 

Sif couldn’t have given him a harder task right now. OK, that was a lie, but still... ‘Seriously?!’ he squawked back at her. Two minutes went by and she hadn’t responded, so he assumed she wasn’t going to. Loki sighed, throwing the phone down. “This sucks,” he griped to himself. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to break people open and spill all their dirty dirty secrets. He was quite good at it. He just hated to work that hard, and he didn’t want to pressure Thor. 

When Thor finally came back into the room, Loki had maybe 10 paper stars on his lap, which was pretty pathetic for a 45 minute time span. Thor looked as exhausted as Loki felt, and that was saying something. “Hey,” Thor murmured. Loki tried to calm his nerves a little. He didn’t know why this was such a big deal, making Thor open up to him. They’d done it easily enough before. It should be easy, now. He chewed his lip before he simply decided to blurt it out.

“Thor, I love you, and I swear on my right eye, if you don’t tell me what’s going on with you, and what we can do about it together, I will make you regret it for the rest of your life,” he threatened him. It was mostly out of fear...fear that Thor would never find a way to talk to him again about the issues going on in his life and opening up to Loki about what would make it better. Luckily, Thor saw right through him. He laughed at Loki’s statement, then placed a hot, heavy hand on his thigh.

“Well, I wouldn’t want such a great artist such as yourself to lose a body part,” he winked. The effect wasn’t as nice as it usually was, with Thor’s bloodshot eyes, and he crossed his arms in annoyance.

“No, that would be a tragedy,” he deadpanned, giving Thor a hard stare. Thor gave up a few awkward laughs, looking down at his hand on Loki.

“It’s nothing new,” Thor mumbled. “It’s the same worries I always have. Nightmares, actually, that this will be too much for you and you won’t ever get out. That I won’t be enough, or too much, or no one will be able to get through to you and they’ll lock you away from everything. Or sometimes I dream they’ve found I make things worse for you and I can’t see you anymore. Other times, I dream you’ve relapsed. Or the transplant didn’t work after all. Or you’re crippled for life and you can’t paint any longer and it drives you mad…” Thor sighed. It was a lot to unload, and Loki was surprised to find it didn’t make him anxious to hear Thor’s fears. It made him feel lighter, happier, to know his worries were also Thor’s worries. He uncrossed his arms and bumped his fist against Thor’s quickly.

“You know, even if I could never paint, I’d find someone to build me a robot to do it for me,” he smirked. “Or design a program that painted digitally from my thoughts or the way I moved my eyes at the screen. There’s nothing that would keep me from my art,” he decided, determined. “I’d just need some tech genius in my pocket, and I’d be set.” Loki stuck his tongue out at Thor, enjoying the melodic laugh Thor had. “So, get on that, will you, Pumpkin?” he winked. Thor laughed even harder at that.

“Alright, I’ll put out an ad first thing tomorrow,” he sighed, sitting back against the chair.

“And for the rest, there’s no telling what will happen,” he shrugged, pulling his arms around himself. “But I have some of the same fears. Though, I doubt anyone would ever determine that you’re not good for me…” Loki smiled.

“You never know,” Thor protested. “Things happen. You never know…” Loki’s brows furrowed, listening to Thor talk so negatively about how he could change. It really did seem impossible. The man lived to care for others. There wasn’t a mean bone in his body.

“What are you—” he started.

“Just don’t put me up on that pedestal, Loki,” Thor interrupted him, giving him a dark look. “It’s awful lonely up there,” the blond swallowed. “And I’m just as fallible as the next man.”

Loki raised his eyebrows. “I am aware, Mister I-ogle-patients-without-their-consent,” Loki joked. Sometimes he just liked to see Thor squirm, and the man was clearly looking for a little punishment. Thor’s face flushed, his hands twitching with their inactivity. He could see the urge Thor had to scrub his hands over his face or run them through his hair, but doing so would mean another round of gloves and it clearly wasn’t worth it.

“Thank you for that,” he grumbled. Loki enjoyed the way his lips pouted out. He bumped his fist against Thor’s again.

“Hey…” he said, trying to pull Thor out of this funk. “You know I’ve got an amazing therapist, who already set up an appointment with me for tomorrow, and I’m doing everything I can to stay healthy and sane. You know that, right?” he asked. Thor looked over at him.

“Are you? Are you doing everything you can?” the blond challenged him. Loki scowled.

“Well, I’m trying. And it’s more than you’ve been doing, trying to cope,” he admonished. Thor crossed his large, muscular arms, and Loki salivated, wanting to sink his teeth into them. The sudden arousal was a bit disorienting, as he hadn’t been feeling at all interested for weeks.

“Loki…” Thor softened. “I’m sorry I’ve been keeping my worries from you, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to share what’s going on with me anymore, I promise.” He made to uncross his arms, but Loki just shushed him, staring intently at the bulging muscles. Thor chuckled, flexing a little before giving Loki a little gun show. He whimpered, wishing more than anything he could wrap himself around Thor right now, but he reined it in. Whatever had been in that knockout drug, he wanted some more of it, because his brain finally felt a little more normal. He licked his lips, letting himself have one last look before he turned his gaze to Thor’s eyes. They didn’t look as puffy and angry anymore, but there was a hunger in them that hadn’t been there before.

“Just don’t hide from me,” Loki insisted. “I want to take care of you as much as you want to take care of me, so just don’t forget that.” Thor nodded, placing a hand high up on his thigh.

“I just want you to be more careful about your OCD. If there’s something that needs to get done to stop an episode, say something. Don’t try to stick it out,” Thor requested, kneading into his muscle. It felt incredible.

“Yes,” he moaned. Thor’s eyes sparkled

“Yes you’ll do it, or yes more?” he chuckled. Loki bit his lip as he stared at him

“Yes.”

***

“It seems like things with your anxiety and OCD are escalating,” Eir was saying, matter of factly, staring at her notes. “And based on the opinions I’ve been given, and your own reactions, it seems to me that maybe you’ve just decided to accept that this is how things are going to be.” Loki crossed his arms and glared at her. What was he supposed to do? He was trapped in this room, unable to do much, still sick and still tired a good deal of his day. A schedule had been a good idea to get him on a better sleeping schedule...until it wasn’t a good idea… “Loki,” Eir was looking up at him from her notepad, waiting for his response, but he didn’t feel like talking about it right now. He looked away, arms still crossed, face still upset. Eir sat back, then, as well. “Can you tell me how you feel about all of this?” she asked, calm and composed. He was staring at her through his tablet screen, another video session, and he was ready to hang up. Eir had been his psychiatrist for years and years and it had never been harder than it was now. Except maybe when he first started having issues with OCD. His eye twitched as he thought back to those first days. It had been hard learning to let go. “What are you thinking about right now?” Eir was trying a different tactic, and it was an easier one to follow.

“That I want to hang up,” he said, honestly. Eir cracked a small smile.

“And what’s keeping you on the line?” she asked, making a note.

“I’m remembering how hard it was just before I came to see you, and I don’t want to be back in that place again,” he sighed, letting go of some of the tension in his posture. Instead of crossing his arms, he wrapped them more around himself a bit protectively. He still didn’t want to look at Eir. This was hard, and he felt weak and vulnerable all over again.

“Do you think…” Eir paused before she continued with her sentence. Sometimes she liked to figure out a different way to phrase something, he’d learned. “Was yesterday worse, the same, or better than you felt before you came to see me?” It was a good question. Before going to see Eir, he’d never had to be drugged to control one of his episodes, but he also wasn’t recovering from surgery, where he needed to be careful about what he did with himself, and he also wasn’t living in a hospital with a hundred different people able to give an opinion on what he needed. She watched him as he thought through his answer, giving him plenty of time to think about it. Another reason he liked Eir. She pushed him, but gave him time to think.

“Better,” he finally decided, the tension draining from him even more. He rested his hands on his lap, now, as Eir smiled and made another note.

“I like this line of thinking. You are acknowledging all the hard work you’ve done before now,” she told him. “What makes it better for you?”

Loki stuck his tongue out at her before he replied with a smirk. “I’ve put in a lot of work to make things better.” Eir raised her eyebrows at him, silently challenging him to go on, and he gave her a genuine smile. “I have a lot of tools at my disposal to help with the symptoms. I didn’t have that before. Before, I wouldn’t have hesitated to scratch at my skin or pick and prod at things on my body. Now I’ve found ways to keep from doing it,” he shrugged. He wasn’t always successful, but he did have exercises and other items to help him with aspects of his OCD that he hadn’t had before. “When I first came to see you, I could barely make it into the room. I constantly had to check my surroundings, and even sitting down was a challenge sometimes.”

“All this is absolutely correct. So, with that in mind, walk me through yesterday a little,” she encouraged him. And they were encroaching into dangerous territory again.

“I don’t think yesterday was worse. I think I was starting to regress a little, and due to my illness and recent transplant, it was safest to knock me out for a little while,” he told her, fighting the urge to pick at the threads on his quilt.

“That’s a very fair assessment,” Eir told him. “Do you think the events that led you to the breakdown could have been avoided?”

“Maybe,” he mumbled. The urge to hide again was strong.

“Tell me a little more about that,” Eir replied. Loki groaned and pulled his blanket around his shoulders.

“There was nothing to be done about the food truck not making it to the hospital. That was out of my control.” Eir nodded, waiting for him to continue. “But I should have been more careful about creating so many habits and routines. I should have told someone how I was feeling when the food was making me anxious. At the very least, called you.” He swallowed, turning to grab his water cup and taking a long sip.

“Why do you say at the very least?” she asked, looking for clarification. Loki hummed.

“Well, most everyone else was actually around and in the room. They could have taken physical actions with me. Our conversation would have just been over the phone,” he told her. Eir made another note.

“Is it easier when there’s physical action to take?” 

Loki scrunched up his face. “I wouldn’t say easier. More immediate, but our conversations are effective in different ways than having someone in the room. For one, I know you better than most anyone else in this hospital.” Eir smiled at that. They’d had a long, hard journey together and he honestly couldn’t imagine someone better for the job. “You know what works for me better than the standard practices taught to the nursing staff,” he tried to explain. “It’s just different.” Eir nodded.

“So, walk me through the thought process a little. Are you still having issues remembering the day?” she asked. Loki took another sip of water before answering.

He shook his head “no.” For a little while, most of what he could remember was getting anxious and not being able to be around the food—curling up under the blankets. This morning, he recalled just how bad things had gotten. “My days have been heavily scheduled, and I started to obsess over it. I would stare at the schedule I’d come up with and let myself feel satisfied about everything having a specific time and place. I even knew what foods, generally, I would eat,” he told her.

“Which is why the food truck missing had been so traumatic,” Eir assessed. He nodded.

“They brought me what they could, but I ended up getting too anxious about it because it wasn’t what I was supposed to get. And due to my illness, I couldn’t have any outside food, either.” He ran a hand through his hair. Just thinking about it again was making him a little nauseous.

“I’m not sure we’ve really touched on this one. Do you often make a schedule for meals, or eat the same thing on certain days?” Eir asked him, scanning her notes quickly. Loki took a little time to think about it. They hadn’t discussed it because he’d never felt it was an issue.

“I don’t think so. But the hospital only has so many options available, and you’re expected to give them your order the day before.”

“Which is different than meal planning on your own?” she made a note.

“Yes. Often, I’ll make something out of what I have in the fridge. In the off chance I remember to plan out some meals—mainly to grocery shop—it’s nothing I obsess over. Or, hasn’t been,” he grumped. It was a little worrisome that things were getting worse. Things that weren’t issues before had suddenly become problematic.

“Could you simply take this decision off your plate? Let the staff choose what they bring you, so long as you’re not allergic, or highly dislike the food?” Eir suggested. “I want to get into the reasons why this might now be an issue, when it wasn’t before, but maybe save this for our next session. I’d like you to have time to process before we dig deep.” She made a note about it, he was sure, but he didn’t have any issue with that. He was glad he didn’t have to think too hard on it right now.

“I could give that a try,” he agreed, fidgeting with his hands a little. This would be a transition, but he didn’t want to shy away from it.

“Alright, talk to me about what happened next,” she coached him, bringing the focus back to the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed!! I just want to say thank you to all the comments you all have been leaving me. It's amazing to hear from you all how my story has touched your lives. <3 Really, you all are amazing people for sharing something so personal with me. Hang in there. You all are amazing!!
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13), or [Pillowfort](https://pillowfort.io/ktspree13)!!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy, you beautiful people you!!

He woke to the sound of his phone going off. A chime going of in his ear, alerting him to a new text message. If he hadn’t needed to be up anyways, it likely would have spelled death to whoever woke him up.

‘Good morning, Loki.’ A lovely surprise from Frigga. Thor’s parents would text him on and off, since they were introduced, and it was nice to get messages from them. He really liked Thor’s parents. They were funny and laid back. Interesting.

‘Hello Mrs. Borson,’ he typed back.

‘It’s Frigga, please please please,’ she typed to him. Almost every conversation began this way, now. Eventually he’d stop, but he found it fun.

‘Hello Frigga, you lovely goddess.’ He liked having a mother to flatter. His own mom was impervious to his charms anymore, and he’d utterly given up. Except when he absolutely couldn’t resist.

‘You’re too sweet. Now, how are you?’ she asked. It was a fair question. How was he? Had she heard about his little break last week? Things were certainly better, but he was nervous about encountering a relapse.

‘Things are better this week than they were last week. Let’s leave it at that,’ he revealed. If she had heard, he didn’t really want to get into it. If she hadn’t heard, well, she didn’t need to know.

‘Well I’m glad to hear it,’ came her reply. ‘Odin has been begging me to ask you how you liked the books he sent.’ There was an eye rolling emoji she sent with that, obviously exasperated with her husband’s antics. It seemed both Thor and Frigga found him incorrigible. Loki thought it was endearing and a bit hilarious. And to his surprise, he’d loved the books.

‘They were perfect,’ he told her. ‘I thoroughly enjoyed myself and then viciously subjected Thor to my favorite parts. I might get a few others from one of the authors.’ He chuckled, sending the overly familiar text to her. Thor’s parents were just a couple of hippies, though. They’d understand.

‘Oh, that sounds like fun, actually… I should do this with Odin.’ She sent a laughing emoji. ‘Ah! I knew you’d like them! Well, there’s plenty more where those came from. Say the word and five more could be sent to you.’ Loki laughed. ‘Sorry, that was Odin. He grabbed my phone.’

‘Well, if you have more suggestions, I’d love a few more books.’ Oh, this was a behavior he could easily indulge. Thor was just going to have to enjoy his new found love for erotica. Well, maybe not new found. Newly rekindled, perhaps. ‘Maybe I’ll write my own book. If I keep reading, I’ll be an expert,’ he joked.

‘Well, you can be Mr. Romance himself. We will be first in line if you do.’ Frigga replied, more laughing emojis next to her text. ‘Sorry, he wants me to clarify, they’re gossip books.’ At that, Loki burst out laughing. Leave it to Odin to decide that porn wasn’t really porn.

‘Right,’ he sent back with a winking smiley.

‘So, is recovery going alright?’ He hemmed and hawed a little, trying to craft a good response. He didn’t want to lie about it, but he wasn’t sure they needed the unvarnished truth, either.

‘It’s going as well as can be expected.’

‘And by that you mean it’s hell!’ Likely Odin again. Thor’s dad was quite colorful. It was fascinating, in contrast to his own father. ‘You can tell it like it is, son. We don’t mind.’ Loki sighed. He didn’t want Thor’s parents to think badly of him. He wasn’t even sure how much Thor had told them about his...mental issues. Probably not much, at least, not without asking him first.

‘It’s been hard, not being able to touch people. Feeling like people shouldn’t come near me, because I might get sick. Being tired all the time.’ He sighed, typing out another text. ‘At least the effects of the chemo finally seem to be wearing off.’

‘That is good news. Thor told us your tests are looking better every time they run them. So the treatment’s working?’ It was a cautious text. Like they weren’t sure how to ask if the transplant was still successful. But surely Thor had shared that good news with them…

‘Yes, yes,’ he replied. ‘Last Dr. Banner told me, everything looked good.’

‘Oh my goodness!’ There were lots of congratulations and celebration emojis. A few fireworks. ‘Well, we’ve been crossing our fingers over here just wishing and hoping that everything was going well.’ A bunch of hearts came next as Loki yawned. It was time to get up, but he wanted to nap still. ‘AND WE’RE SO GLAD IT IS!!!’ That was Odin. The man didn’t always get texting and some of his messages ended up in all caps. He chuckled, enjoying the enthusiasm and well wishes. 

‘Thank you both,’ he responded. ‘It’s been a hard journey. I can’t even tell you. But it means a lot that you’ve been so concerned. And I’m glad Thor has both of you to lean on, because I know it hasn’t been easy for him, worrying over me. I cannot wait until June. I’ll still be recovering, but I won’t feel so...untouchable.’

‘WE’RE ACTUALLY COMING TO VISIT IN JUNE.’ Odin sent back. He smiled, remembering Thor’s Christmas gift for them. He was glad they’d be back when the weather was nicer. Well, hopefully nicer. Even in June it could get cold, and rainy. ‘Sorry for the all caps. Yes, we wanted to know if you would mind a visit from us, when we came back.’ Loki bit his lip thinking about it. He wanted to see them, but sometimes it made him nervous to let others see him so vulnerable. But they’d met him when he wasn’t doing well at Christmas. This shouldn’t be so worrying. As long as he was still doing good, it shouldn’t be a problem. ‘And it’s no pressure, dear. If it’s not a good time when we’re there, you won’t hurt our feelings one bit,’ Frigga wrote.

‘I’d love to see you both,’ he told them honestly. ‘But we may need to play it by ear, depending on how things are going. But I hope I get to see you both. Do you know when you’re coming?’ he asked.

‘We’re coming in on the 22nd, I think. Late at night, though,’ they replied. Late June should be good. The weather should be nicer, and he should be a lot further along in his recovery.

‘I will put it in my calendar and hope for the best, then. I’d love to see both of you!’ He sent a few smiley faces back to show his enthusiasm. When he pulled his calendar open to make the note, he also wrote in the notes: consider a painting for the Borsons. He didn't know if he'd be back painting by then, but he wanted to make something for them eventually.

‘Ah! We’re so looking forward to it.’

‘How’s Vanaheim, by the way?’ Loki asked, curious about Frigga’s beautiful nursery. 

‘Oh!’ she wrote. ‘I have to many stories I could tell you!!’ And thus he spent the rest of the morning, listening to the updates Frigga had on the nursery and eating his breakfast. He couldn’t think of a better start to the day.  
  
***  
  
Loki woke to beautiful light streaming in through his loft apartment, and Thor’s puffy lips wrapped around his cock. “Thor!” he panted, grasping his hair tighter, now that he was awake. Apparently he’d grabbed a hold of his gorgeous flaxen locks while he was sleeping. “Oh norns……..” Loki groaned, feeling his head slip easily into Thor’s throat. This was the best Saturday wake up call he’d had in a long, long time. His throat felt so hot and wet around his length. He didn’t know what made Thor decide to wake him up this way, but he was grateful for it. Thor swallowed twice around him, massaging his cock with his throat, and Loki was lost. His cum shot straight down Thor’s—  
  
***  
  
He woke with a dissatisfied moan, staring down at his sticky fingers. “You’re terrible,” he growled, shivering at the feeling of cum on his hand. Loki gritted his teeth.  _ ‘It’s going to be one of those days,’ _ he thought, looking around for some wipes. Unfortunately, there weren’t any nearby. He hadn’t needed them, and the last time he’d used them was in his own bedroom. What the fuck was he doing jacking himself off while he slept? “Nnn…” Loki whined, getting more and more uncomfortable. Where was Thor when he wanted him? No. He couldn’t want him. Thor wouldn’t blow him even if he begged for it right now. Which was really for the best...really. No, it was the fucking worst! This stupid, stupid…

Loki got up from the bed, slowly, and careful not to touch anything with his afflicted hand. He was getting stronger the longer things went on, and was able to make it into the bathroom by himself anymore. Which was a good thing, because he wouldn’t want to call anyone in right now to help him with this situation. After a quick glance to his clock, he shuffled to the bathroom. Someone would be in soon with breakfast, and he didn’t want to be seen this way. It was fun to tease Thor, but he really wasn’t an exhibitionist. He turned the hot water tap on and pumped some soap onto his hands, scrubbing furiously as the water scalded his skin.  _ ‘Clean hands, clear mind,’  _ he chanted, scrubbing up to his elbows. When he heard the door to his room open, he cursed, turning off the water and staring down at his pajama bottoms.

“Loki?” Pam’s voice floated over the space. He swallowed, grabbing a towel to dry himself off with.

“I’m in the bathroom,” he called back to her, trying to sound as unaffected as possible.  _ ‘Damnit, damnit, damnit…’  _ he cursed. Why was his luck so poor right now? She couldn’t have waited until he had fresh bottoms on?

“Do you need any help?” she asked. He heard her set the tray down. 

“No, I’m OK. I just need to change my clothes, that’s all.” He blushed, pulling off his pajama bottoms and underwear in one go. If he was in here, might as well not waste it. He could shower before breakfast… Practice his flexibility with his schedule...

“Did you have an accident?” Pam replied, concern lacing her voice.  _ ADJ*S&#!!KLSVN*$$VKL@$%AJF!! _ Loki threw his hands up in the air, wishing he could tear his ears off right now.

“I’m good,” he told her. “I’m just going to take a shower first, since I’m in here and all. Then I’ll eat.” He buried his face in his hands, hoping Pam didn’t insist that he open the door. Because he had no recourse for that option. He didn’t want to put his ruined underthings back on, and he didn’t want her to see him half naked. There was a long pause before he heard her reply.

“Alright,” she finally agreed. “But you call me when you’re dressed. I want to make sure you’re OK, sweetie. And that breakfast is good for you.” Loki let out a breath he’d been holding, entirely too grateful she’d let him be.

“Thanks, I will,” he promised, pulling his shirt off and turning on the shower to prove he was doing it.

“OK. If I don’t hear from you in 20 minutes, I’m coming back to check on you, OK?” she threatened him. Loki was touched by her concern and smiled, finally, telling himself everything was fine.

“OK. But I promise, I just decided it would be better to shower right now, and eat when I’m all clean. I’m good.” He pulled up the toilet lid, waiting until he heard her leaving.

“Alright,” Pam replied, heading for the door a few moments later. Loki sighed, letting himself relax again and pee in peace. This was a terrible morning. When he grabbed his phone out of his pajama pocket, his first text was to Thor.

‘I wanna move to Vanaheim,’ it said. Followed by ‘I hate you and your stupid puffy mouth and your disgustingly filthy tongue wrapped around my cock. I hate it.’ And when Thor still hadn’t replied, he sent one last one. A picture of his ruined pants. ‘You did this,’ he accused. ‘I demand compensation.’ Loki pouted, putting the phone down and checking on the water temperature. It was hot enough, but Thor still hadn’t replied… He looked over where his phone sat, silent and inactive. When five minutes had passed, he decided Thor was working already and stepped under the warm spray of water.  
  
***  
  
Loki laid in bed feeling like he was floating. It was a familiar feeling from when his anemia was at its worst. Distantly, he heard the heart rate monitor going off and off, and really, his heart was pounding... Loki moved his hand slowly to tilt the bed up more. He remembered he was approaching the end of his isolation period, but he still had another week, he thought. But it wasn’t just the feeling of his head being ten feet away from his body, it was the shortness of breath that worried him, the nausea rolling through his stomach. All things he’d felt like he was getting past had returned tenfold. Why was this happening? His hands felt all clammy as he moved the blankets off himself. Maybe they’d given him something while he was sleeping that hadn’t agreed with him. Maybe he was dying. It certainly felt like his insides wanted to be his outsides. He closed his eyes as the bed slowly tilted upwards. If he was sitting, maybe things would stop spinning. That blasted heart monitor was still going off as he finally got the bed upright. He briefly thought about calming himself down when he saw Natasha walking into the room from the air lock. She looked panicked, but she wasn’t wearing any of the protective gear. There was no gown...no gloves, no mask, nothing. She was just waltzing into the room like they weren’t necessary. He stared at her for a few moments, trying to process the image before he screamed at her to get out.

“Loki, what’s—”

“NO!!” he screeched, wide eyed and frightened. What if she carried other germs with her? They’d have to move him back to the transplant floor while they cleared the room. He could barely make her out through the dizziness, but she was putting him at a great— The first bit of vomit ended up flowing from his mouth, down his chest to land on his crotch. At least he’d moved the blanket earlier…. The next bit, he was smart enough to lean over the edge as he emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor.  
  
***  
  
“Thor O. and Dr. Banner to room 126.” Loki dry heaved over the side of the bed, having nothing left in him stomach to throw up at this point. Why were they calling Thor? He wasn’t allowed to treat Loki. He shouldn’t have to see him like this. Loki’s face burned in shame as Pam came over to help him up. She, at least, was wearing the proper protective gear, his brain supplied. “You gave Natasha a right scare,” Pam told him, “but let’s get you cleaned up, yes?” He wanted to nod, but his head did this strange little bobble and fall instead. His head weighed too much right now. How was he supposed to hold it up?

“Nnn…” He groaned. Talking was too difficult. All he could do was pant and wheeze as he tried to follow Pam’s guiding hands.

“Come on, sweetie, you can do it,” Pam encouraged him. She was sounding desperate… But Pam never sounded desperate.

“Pam?” he croaked as his head lolled to the side. Was she really there with him? He noticed the funniest sight he’d seen in a long time and laughed as he watched Thor putting on hospital gear like his life depended on it. The large glob of hand sanitizer, the gloves, the mask… He ripped the first gown trying to put it on and had to slow down for the second one. “Pammy,” he chuckled, the acrid smell of bile reaching his nose again as Thor came barreling into the room.

“What is it, dear?” Pam asked him, rubbing circles along his back. He was still half-way to getting out of the bed.

“It’s Thor,” he smiled, looking at the beautiful man next to him. His vision might be swimming a little, but Thor still looked gorgeous as ever, even with all the gowns and gloves and masks covering him up.

“Loki.” Those were the first words out of Thor’s mouth. Oh, the poor man. He was well and truly lost if Loki was his first thought. His transplant had probably failed, finally, and there wouldn’t be a Loki for much longer. “What’s going on?” he asked Pam. If Pam was there. He was pretty sure she was there.

“Something seems to have compromised his immune system this morning. The heart monitors picked up on a too fast heart rate and Natasha came in to check on him. It didn’t go too well. From what I can gather, he’s got a fever, may be hallucinating, maybe having trouble breathing, and nauseous.” It was all very straightforward. Like he was a list of symptoms and situations.

“Don’t forget...dizziness,” he spat, working against the tight feeling in his throat. He was getting tired of people talking around him.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Laufeyson,” Pam replied. “Absolutely. Can you tell me what else is going on?” Loki huffed.

“The transplant is failing, that’s what’s going on,” he stated, matter of factly.

“Loki,” Thor growled. It was a warning. A warning not to invite that kind of bad karma into the situation. He shrugged.

“It’s true,” Loki croaked, wanting to lean over and throw up again. “I might throw up,” he told them, shaking with the urge to hurl.

“Can we move him?” Thor asked, looking over at Pam now. Why did everyone always ignore him?

“Yeah, Pam, can we move me?” he taunted, leaning forward and drawing in a labored breath. If he could just curl up into a ball, maybe his stomach would feel better. Oh, but that smell was right there, all over him… He glanced at Thor to see the blond give him a hard glare, one that quieted him down. Thor was almost never stern with him, and being in the presence of it had always affected him. Like Thor knew how to cut through his bullshit with just a glance. Pam looked back at Thor.

“I think it would be best to let him get cleaned up,” she mentioned. “I don’t see any reason why we can’t move him, but if you want to wait for Bruce, I don’t mind.” Thor shook his head.

“No, it’s better if we get him cleaned up. Can we get someone in for the mess on the floor?” Thor asked. “I can carry him to the bathroom and go get a mop, if that works. Otherwise, we’d need someone from maintenance who wouldn’t mind going through the whole process of coming into the room.” 

Well, at that, at least he remembered one thing. “There’s a mop in the studio,” Loki told them, massaging his chest, trying to loosen things up. “I think the cleaning supplies are under the sink in there. In case I spilled things when I painted,” he groaned. Everything hurt. His muscles ached, he was hot, he was cold...his stomach was in distress... “I need to use the bathroom,” he pleaded, feeling so embarrassed about the whole situation. “Thor, please,” he whispered, gripping onto his massive bicep.

“OK, I’ll bring you over, alright? Let Pam clean you up?” His eyes crinkled like he was smiling, but Loki wasn’t feeling comforted by the motion right now. Thor probably felt just as scared as he was, and he wanted someone to commiserate with, not the grounded man that stood in front of him.

“Can it be you? Please??” he asked, his eyes wide and glassy. “Please, I just want you.” Thor glanced up at Pam to get her opinion on the matter.

“I don’t mind getting the mop and everything, Thor,” she replied.

“Alright,” Thor agreed, pulling Loki up in his arms.

“I can walk!” Loki protested, already feeling things swirling around him again.

“This is not up for debate,” Thor chastised. “I’ll get everything cleaned, Pam. If you can fill the bucket and everything, I can get the rest when I’m done in here,” Thor called back, already stepping through the bathroom door with Loki.

“Just…” Loki covered his face with his hands. “Just put me on the toilet, please…” he whispered. “I need some new underwear...and pajamas…” He wanted to cry, convinced he was dying all over again.   
  
***  
  
“Loki, there’s nothing wrong with the transplant,” Dr. Banner told him for the fifth time that day.

“But you don’t know,” he insisted. “You don’t know for sure it’s not graft-vs-host-disease! I have the symptoms,” he spat. Thor and his father were right next to him, hands on the blankets that covered his legs, as it was still safest.

“Loki,” Laufey responded and a sigh. “Can you not just trust the doctor to know what he’s doing?” Loki glared up at him, his cheeks flaring red in embarrassment.

“I’ve trusted Bruce with my life. I don’t think it’s too much to ask that we be sure about the possibilities before saying everything’s fine.” It was easier to breathe with oxygen flowing through his nose from the tubing there. That had been the first concern after Loki had gotten cleaned up. Next was the fever and mental fog he’d been fighting. And the in midst of all that, they’d been taking blood samples and rushing off to do tests on everything.

“The preliminary results point to something bacterial,” Bruce told him, calmly, also for probably the fifth time. “You aren’t showing enough symptoms for it to be graft-vs-host-disease.” 

Loki shook his head. “But there’s still more tests to run! There’s still others you need to do to make sure,” he insisted, clinging to the notion that things were at their worst, in the now slim chance that they were. If he believed the worst, he wouldn’t be disappointed when Bruce came to give him the news, after all.

“Loki, please,” Thor was trying this time. “Give your body some credit. You’ve been doing spectacularly.” He squeezed his knee over the blankets, a sad look in his eyes.

“I will not,” he said, stubbornly, scratching at his chest, where the catheter was located.

“Is it…” Bruce watched him as he scratched at the port.

“What?” he snapped. Bruce, at least, was never one to ignore that he was in the room.

“Is it normal for you to do that?” he replied, indicating the scratching Loki was doing.

“Yes,” he sighed, looking away from Dr. Banner. “It’s more of a nervous response. But the catheter has always felt wrong, so it’s more of a focus for my anxiety.” Bruce wrote something down in his notepad.

“Hmm…” was the response. It wasn’t very forthcoming.

“What?” Loki pushed for more information, wishing he understood more of what was going on. They’d started an aggressive antibiotic treatment already, as soon as they figured out it was a bacterial infection, but that was all he’d really understood. And he thanked whatever gods there were that anti-nausea medications existed. He was back on the nutrient packs as well, but they weren’t any big deal. He dumped the packet into some fizzy water and away he went.

“I want to check and see if the infection might be coming from the port itself,” Bruce finally admitted. “I don’t want to cause you any increased anxiety, but I want to check it just in case.” Loki nodded, taking a drink of his water.

“That’s fine. But I still want 100% certainty against GVHD,” Loki insisted. Bruce nodded, then asked Peggy to collect another blood sample and run it down to the lab. He left shortly after to check on more of the results.  
  
***  
  
Loki slept fitfully with Thor stretched out on a chair next to him. The entire rest of the day he’d felt in and out of it. That morning, he’d hallucinated Natasha coming into his room without the protective gear and screamed at her when she was perfectly prepared to help him. He’d felt bad when he realized his mistake that afternoon. Now he was swirling in drugs and being kept awake by his troubled thoughts. Today was the most disgusting Thor had ever seen him, and he’d tried to pawn it off on Pam. Maybe they’d hit a plateau in their relationship. Maybe Thor had had enough of taking care of him. Maybe this was too much, now, and when he was better, Thor would let him down gently and say he just couldn’t do whatever they were doing anymore. He clutched at his stomach—which was effectively tying itself in knots—letting out a soft sob thinking about it. 

Thor spurred up from the chair, instantly awake from the sound, like a hairpin trigger. “What’s wrong?” he worried, hovering over Loki, trying to diagnose the problem. Loki would’ve laughed if he weren’t feeling so awful.

“I’m sorry,” he sniffled. “I’m sorry this is all too much for you,” Loki whispered.

“What are you talking about?” Thor asked, his hands twitching at his sides. His voice sounded like it came from behind him, instead of above, and Loki turned his head, expecting to find another Thor, suddenly. “Loki?” Thor asked, briefly touching his chin to move his face back to look at him.

“Is there another of you in here?” he asked, still looking around for the disembodied voice.

“No,” Thor replied, his voice coming from the right this time. Loki looked over in that direction. 

“Thor, I know I’m a lot right now. So, if you’ve had enough, just tell me. I don’t want you to wait to try and let me down gently,” he sniffed, feeling distracted and floaty.

“Where is this coming from?” Thor turned around, moving towards the cup of water he had on the other side of the bed.

“No! Don’t leave me!” he cried, reaching his hands out, trying to grab onto Thor.

“Loki!” Thor walked back over and sat next to him on the bed with a sigh. He was looking at him with an intensity, trying to see all of his secrets. “Your fever seems to be spiking again. Have you slept at all, lately?” he asked. Loki looked away, focusing on the cup of water to his right instead. “Can you reach the water cup? I’d like you to drink a little,” Thor encouraged him.

“No…” Loki rubbed at his eyes, tiredly. “I couldn’t sleep after what happened this morning…” He squirmed further away from Thor. He wanted to throw his arms around the larger man, but touching was off limits still, so he…

“Why do you think I’m going to leave you?” Thor nudged, his eyes softening. “I’m your fox.” When Loki still didn’t respond, he reached over Loki quickly and grabbed the water, handing it to him. “You need to drink a little. These drugs are really powerful.” Loki let his head loll to the side, unwilling to do as Thor wanted right now.

“Where is this even going?” Loki mumbled, closing his eyes. 

“I don’t think this is the best time to be having this conversation, Loki,” Thor replied, reminding Loki all over again that Thor was probably ready to be done with him.

“Well, when IS a good time, Thor? When would his majesty like to speak about where his seven month relationship is going?” he hissed, turning his eyes to glare at the larger man. How dare he. Loki’s eyes might be feeling just as fevered as the rest of his body, but he felt ready to talk about this.

“Perhaps,” Thor hissed right back. He cut himself off and took a breath shaking his head as he worked on calming himself down. Loki envied that of him. He’d clearly learned ways to control himself in an argument. But he didn’t want calm, polished Thor. He wanted his raw emotions, his truth! “Perhaps,” the older man started again, “when you are not feverish and delusional,” Thor challenged him. “Why don’t we start with that?” 

That was enough. He was tired of being told he should wait until he was better. He needed to know now. Did Thor see this relationship as long term? Did he just do it for the good feelings he got? He said he loved him, but...does he really know him? Him outside the illness and the crazy trials it was putting him through to be here in the hospital. What if they weren’t compatible outside of this? What if Thor didn’t like him when he no longer needed to be taken care of so much? What if they didn’t want the same things? What if...

“Do you even want kids?!” Loki sobbed back, throwing the water cup at the floor and listening to the plastic hit with a  _ thunk _ . It was silent for a few moments before Thor’s laughter filled his room. It wasn’t improving his mood.

“Loki, I promise, this conversation will be better when you’re not so sick. Can you at least trust me on that?” Thor asked. He placed a warm hand on Loki’s blankets, over his leg. Loki said nothing, but decided to at least address the one thing that had started all this.

“Why did you try to pass me off to Pam this morning?” he asked, quiet, reserved, afraid of Thor’s answer.

“Oh, love,” Thor smiled, though Loki could only see his eyes. He squeezed Loki’s leg briefly. “Is that what this is about?” Again, Loki said nothing. He didn’t want to seem petty. “You know I shouldn’t be taking charge of you, as we’re in a relationship right now. I deferred to Pam because it was her job, not mine. And I didn’t want her to have to mop the floor. Pam’s getting close to retirement, so I like to take care of her, if I can.” 

Loki rubbed at his eyes. “I’m sorry…” He wanted to curl up and hide, like a turtle in its shell. Everything Thor had said made sense. But the tight curl of anxiety that swirled around his brain and squeezed his heart made things more difficult. He’d probably just made a giant fool of himself.

“Don’t be,” Thor hushed him. “I’m glad you said something.” Thor bent down to pick up the water cup he’d thrown on the floor. “Loki, this isn’t too much for me. You couldn’t chase me away like this. And if you could, then I don’t deserve to be with you, nor this job. I’m HERE here because I love you and I’m here at this job because I love helping people. Please, never doubt that,” Thor patted his leg again, getting up to grab some paper towels to clean up the water. Loki wasn’t sure if it made him feel better.

“I love you,” Loki whispered, watching Thor walk over to the counter with his feverish eyes. Thor picked up the phone that was in his room and made a call before grabbing a few of the paper hand towels and walking over to the bed again. He wasn’t sure what to make of it. As Thor was cleaning up the water, Hogun walked in with his cart and his gear on. He had a new cup of water for him, and Loki wasn’t sure, but he was fairly confident he’d added something to his line to get him to sleep. Five minutes later, he was talking to his grandmother before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, this is the last bit of angsty recovery you will have to suffer through. At least for a good long while. <3 I can't guarantee I won't write any more, but I haven't written anything else in this vein so far. :P Also, how many of you did I psych out for a few seconds with that lovely wet dream Loki was having??? >:)
> 
> You can find me on tumblr, twitter, pillowfort, pretty much anywhere as ktspree13.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired, but I wanted to put up a new chapter for y'all. I almost waited until tomorrow afternoon, when I was free again. But I wanted everyone to be happy. Updated notes: I hope you all enjoy this chapter! It's a good one! ;)

Loki laid in the bed shivering. He’d thrown off all the blankets and his clothes earlier, when he’d been dying from heat, and now he was too cold. But he felt too stiff and dizzy to move. Like making one wrong movement would set things all wrong. He moved his hands underneath the pillow, trying to keep them warm, as he curled up on his side, sweaty and chilled. Then slowly, very very slowly, he hit the nurse call button with his toe. When Hogun came into his room that night, he almost cried in happiness.

“Loki, what—”

“I can’t move,” he shivered. “But I’m no longer hot. I’m cold…”

“Loki, this is really important. Physically can’t move? Or it feels like you shouldn’t move?” Hogun asked him. He always appreciated the way Hogun worded things to him. Straightforward, non-judgemental. Cutting directly to the issue and cutting away the negative connotations some people can have when dealing with him. He easily could have asked if he couldn’t move or wouldn’t move, which wouldn’t have sounded nearly as nice to him.

He wiggled his toes for Hogun, slowly. “It just feels like if I move from this position, everything will go bad again,” he whispered. 

“Alright,” the other man replied, carefully draping the blankets back over Loki. "Would a distraction be helpful until you’re feeling alright to move again?” Slowly, he thought about it before nodding his head. The oxygen tube was still helping him get the proper amount of air into his lungs, and he was waiting to hear back from Dr. Banner still, but all in all, he felt better from the morning. Hogun went to get him some water, then was kind enough to pull up a chair and talk to him about the mock naval battles that used to happen inside the Roman Colosseum for the next 20 minutes. When the feeling had finally passed, he went to use the bathroom. Hogun handed him some fresh pajamas, then he proceeded to throw up into the toilet.  
  
***  
  
“Pseudomonas Aeruginosa,” Banner reported.

“What?” Loki asked, furrowing his brow.

“Pseu—”

“I heard that the first time. What is it?” Loki quirked a brow at the doctor, urging him to go on.

“A bacterial infection. Sometimes it’s harmless, but with your immune system compromised, and being in a hospital environment, you encountered a more powerful strain. I’m not sure the exact cause, but the bacteria collected around your catheter,” Bruce explained. Loki glared. He’d hated the catheter from day 1, and now he had a legitimate reason to. It was trying to kill him. “Luckily, we’ve identified the strain of bacteria and we’ll be starting another aggressive round of antibiotics to get rid of the problem.” Loki placed a hand over the bump of the catheter. The impetus to scratch it out was strong right now.

“And if the antibiotics don’t work?” Loki questioned him, anxious about it all over again.

“We’ll replace it and clean out the area. It’s not something to worry about, Loki. It’s perfectly treatable now that we’ve identified what we’re working against.”  
  
***  
  
It was still three days before he felt back to normal.  
  
***  
  
“What’s going on?” Thor asked, watching Loki and Laufey having a staring contest. Loki had finally recovered from the bacterial infection, and had stopped worrying about graft vs. host disease for now, and just accepted Bruce’s opinion that things were still going well. It was just past his isolation period, but Dr. Banner had suggested extending by another week, just to be safe. Loki was not happy about it.

“They’re debating,” Farbauti told him, patting the chair next to her. “It’s been going on for a little while, now.” Thor sat next to her as Loki chose his next word carefully.

“Debating what?” Thor whispered, sensing the tension and concentration.

“Staying at Hope to recover or going home,” she whispered back.

“I am, of course, in favor of returning home. Especially after the illness,” Loki chirped, finally deciding on his word. “Hygiene,” he replied. 

His father crossed his arms in thought and said “One off,” a hard set to his eyes. “Controlled environment,” Laufey replied.

Loki shook his head. “Dysphoria.”

“What kind of debate is this?” Thor asked, looking over at Farbauti. She was knitting tonight.

“The kind that only makes sense to them. I stay out of it,” she winked. Thor chuckled.

“Independent,” Loki countered.

“Alone,” Laufey said, his eyes softening.

“Thor.” Loki crossed his own arms, now, defiant.

“I don’t understand—” Thor tried.

“Thor!” Laufey threw his hands up, interrupting the blond. Loki huffed. Unfortunately, his father was right. He couldn’t rely on Thor for all of this. It wasn’t fair to him, even if Thor would be more than happy to do it. When a few moments had passed, Laufey put in his own argument. “Germs, mold.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Irrelevant.” Because germs and mold are everywhere. It might be more controlled here, but you’d find that everywhere. And since etiquette dictated it, Laufey got a second turn as Loki took his out of turn last time. With a generous hand motion, he let his father know to continue.

“Caregivers,” Laufey suggested, resting a hand on Loki’s thigh.

“Family.” His mother and Thor had struck up their own conversation while he debated back and forth with his father. Apparently, his mother’s new knitting project was a sweater for Thor. He was very excited about it. No one had ever made him a sweater before. “My own space.”  
“Manic!” Laufey growled, definitely disagreeing with his sentiment that it was better to be in his own space doing his own thing. A few moments later, his father gestured around the room and argued, “Safe.” Laufey sighed, dropping his hands back to his lap. When Loki noticed Thor giving him the side eye, he became aware that he’d caught on. The room had gone silent when Thor spoke up.

“Useful,” he murmured. “Convenient.”

“That’s not how this works, Thor,” Loki snapped, crossing his arms again and looking away from all of them. Couldn’t they just understand that he felt like a wilting flower the longer he stayed here? He needed his own environment to thrive. He didn’t want to be some hothouse orchid, needing to be cooped up and kept watch over carefully. And because he couldn’t leave the debate alone, he replied with what was worrying him. “Trapped,” he sighed, burrowing his head into the pillow a little.

“Loved.” Thor massaging his ankle. “Cared for. Looked out for…” Loki gritted his teeth and turned his head sharply to glare at Thor, his eyes feeling unnecessarily wet.

“How can you ask me to stay when you know how it makes me feel?” The tension in the room had finally come to a head, and both his parents also put a steadying hand on Loki’s legs. “How can you ask this of me?” Suddenly it was time for closing arguments, and he wasn’t as all confident that he’d won this debate.

“We ask because we know how strong you are, hele meg,” his father said. “You have an entire team of people here to help you. There would be no driving back and forth involved. No need to proof your home even further, make you paranoid to live in your own space. Your mother and I wouldn’t worry about you by yourself in that loft. We wouldn’t feel like we were taking advantage of Thor…” Thor looked like he wanted to protest, but Loki shook his head minutely, letting him know it wasn’t the time. “It will continue to be hard, but there’s everything here at your disposal, and you made it work before. I know we can again,” Laufey looked a little overcome, himself.

At least his mother had understood. She had stayed out of the whole thing, and if he’d been triple-teamed on this, he likely would have said no just out of spite. As it stood, it did make sense to stay at the hospital. It was a controlled environment. It would be easier to engage in activities and avoid crowds in the hospital vs. outside. It would be more work to keep everything clean and contained in his own apartment. And while Thor would never feel taken advantage of, he knew he wouldn’t feel right about leaning on him so heavily this early on in their relationship, especially outside the hospital. 

“Alright,” Loki agreed, looking towards the outdoor garden. “With the knowledge that I am allowed to check myself out whenever I feel ready.” He swallowed. This was a necessary concession, for him. He needed to know his parents still respected his ability to judge his own health for himself. Still able bodied enough to take care of himself. “And if it is earlier than Dr. Banner agrees, that we will come up with a plan to manage my care from home, like any other person who would be out of here by the end of their isolation period,” he determined. Laufey hardly took any time to speak.

“This is acceptable,” he agreed, placing a hand briefly on Loki’s shoulder. Thor and Farbauti nodded along with him.

“We’re not trying to control your recovery, elskling,” Farbauti said. “And your health is always your own to make decisions about. But I won’t lie it makes me feel more at ease that you will stay here, where there is an entire care team on call for you.”

“And I just wanted to make it clear, it’s not taking advantage of me when there’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Thor insisted. “Seriously, please don’t think that way.” 

Loki smirked. “Yes, Thor would find it a great insult,” he informed them.  
  
***  
  
The first official end of his isolation period saw Thor wrapped around him like a barnacle as they laid in bed together. And not that damnable hospital bed, either, but his own bed, in his own room. Thor had almost ruined the moment, too, by insisting he wear one of those stupid paper masks while they cuddled and slept. When he’d finally gotten him off the idea, Thor had all but tackled him into the mattress and had yet to let go. It felt wonderful to have his warm, heavy weight trapping him once again. He had thought maybe something was wrong when he felt tears soaking into his shirt.

“Is everything—”

“I’m so happy right now...” They both spoke at the same time. Thor laughed while Loki wrapped his arms tighter around Thor’s neck, possessive and unyielding. A satisfied smirk settled on his lips as he threaded a hand into Thor’s hair.

“OK,” Loki whispered, massaging the base of Thor’s skull with his skilled fingers. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, kissing Thor’s cheek, “so you go ahead and open up all you want. Thor laughed, the tears seeming to fall more steadily, now.

“OK,” Thor agreed, “but be careful what you ask for, because I can really get all disgusting and blubbery when I cry,” he warned Loki. The raven-haired man pulled harder against him.

“Well, I think you’ve seen me lose it enough times,” he joked. “It’s only fair, now.” Loki placed a kiss on Thor’s temple, then on his brow, taking care to kiss each eye before he finally touched his lips to Thor’s own.

“I missed this,” Thor swallowed, taking in a shaky breath before pulling Loki in for another kiss. This one was more heated, Thor forcefully licking into his mouth and taking what he needed. Loki opened for him, tangling his tongue around Thor’s own, happy to give back, for once. Things really were going to change, the better he got, and he felt giddy with all the anticipation. He had to stifle a giggle when they broke apart. Loki bit his lip and wiped the tears from Thor’s eyes with his thumbs.

“I did too,” he told him. “But hopefully it’s the last time we have to be forced apart.” It was the thing he wished most of all; that this transplant would take care of his afflictions once and for all. It was only fair. He’d put in a lot of time to getting well. Habits that had been forced on him from being ill as a kid was what triggered his OCD, originally, and that was something he’d have to live with for the rest of his life. In the grand scheme of things, he’d more than put in his time, and he just wanted his life back.

His words spurred Thor into action as he claimed Loki’s mouth once again. It was pretty clear they were both hoping the same thing as Thor stole the breath from his lungs. “I love you,” Thor panted, breaking for air before returning to lock his lips against Loki’s. Those words always made Loki squirm, and as he shifted beneath Thor, he could feel the length of his cock already filling for him. He smirked against Thor’s lips, breaking their kiss to take a deep breath.

“I don’t know if I’m up for anything much,” he panted. “But I want you.” Loki ran his hands down Thor’s back to take a firm grip of his ass as he stared up into the deep blue of Thor’s eyes.

“Oh...ooohhhhh…” Thor replied, grinning as he caught on to Loki’s implication. “Alright,” he smirked, excited and cocky. Loki was still soft beneath him, but he was immensely interested in reconnecting with the massive blond above him. And at this very moment, he was incredibly happy that scrubs were so thin. Loki ran his thumb along the seam of Thor’s behind, taking his time as he moved his mouth down to suck a bruise into Thor’s neck. “Loki,” he whined.

“Would you like a little tumble, Cowboy?” he purred, moving his thumb to press gently against Thor’s tight hole. The larger man shivered with the thought of what Loki was promising, shaking his head vigorously in the affirmative before hiding his face in Loki’s shoulder. “I love you,” Loki said, kissing the side of Thor’s head. “And I’m going to completely wreck you tonight,” he chuckled. Thor let out another little whine as Loki moved his fingers between them, massaging against Thor’s now hardened length.

“Should I get the lube?” Thor asked, his breath coming in shorter bursts as Loki moved his fingers with more intention.

“Only if you want it to feel good,” Loki joked, stimulating Thor further as his other hand continued to massage through Thor’s hair.

“I think you’re going to have to let me go, if I’m to retrieve it,” the larger man chuckled, pulling his face back to look at Loki. He looked so lovely like this. Strong, flushed, desperate for him and him alone.

“I suppose,” he agreed, releasing Thor completely and enjoying the way he let out a pained groan. Like the separation between them, though little, was still too much. It was actually the furthest apart they’d been in the last few hours. “Now hurry up Honeybuns.” He gave Thor a light slap on the ass, watching him launch across the bed to open up the drawer on the nightstand.

“Yeah, yeah,” he replied, randomly grabbing from the drawer and hurrying back over.  _ ‘Someone’s eager,’ _ Loki chuckled, full out laughing when he realized Thor dragged over a prostate massager instead of a bottle of lube.

“Try again, Sparkles,” he smiled, his eyes hooded, as he held up the toy. “While this is very fun, it still shouldn’t be used without lube, and preferably, we’d get you your own.” Loki stuck his tongue out as Thor’s cheeks pinked. It really was adorable.

“OK,” Thor sighed, moving back to the drawer with the toy. “Your sex life is definitely more adventurous than mine.” He gave it a proper look this time, putting the massager back and grabbing what he was actually sent for.

“Oh, don’t sulk. I’ll teach you,” Loki smiled. Honestly, it wasn’t that adventurous. Just relatively solitary. And when you didn’t have frequent partners, you learned different ways to enjoy yourself all on your own. It amazed him sometimes how unimaginative people could be. How uninterested they were in trying new things in this area of their lives. “Now,” Loki began, a sparkle in his eyes as he stared at the gorgeous man above him, “take your bottoms off and come up here.” Thor grinned, doing as he was bid and handing over the bottle he’d gotten. Loki pulled him forward until Thor was sitting squarely against his chest, straddling Loki; legs wide, muscular thighs trembling with anticipation, and looking so open and vulnerable in that moment. He pulled Thor down for a kiss before coating his fingers and gliding them purposefully over Thor’s cock. The faces Thor made when he was like this… Loki wanted to paint and draw each and every one of them.

“Loki,” Thor whispered, biting down on his lip as he arched his back, hips rocking forward into the younger man’s grasp. 

“You know,” Lok said, starting to feel the first hints of arousal in his own body, finally, “they say if you put pressure on a man’s prostate for ten seconds, that it’s like pressing the reset button,” he winked. “Should we test that theory?” Loki let go of Thor’s cock to slide his hand down, massaging his balls before continuing towards his destination, the sweet little furl hidden between the two perfect globes of Thor’s rock hard ass.

“Yessssss,” Thor listed, as Loki slid one slippery finger inside. “Loki…” he panted, reaching behind him to palm at Loki’s own cock. It only took a few moments for him to turn his surprised face to Loki, his erection flagging a little. “Is everything—” Loki put his free hand up against Thor’s lips, silencing him.

“It’s all the medication and everything,” he mentioned, not feeling the least bit bad that he wasn’t as aroused as Thor. He was still having a damn good time and nothing was going to change that, save Thor ruining the mood.

“Why didn’t you t—” Thor tried mumbling around Loki’s hand, but left off at the scowl he got in return.

“Just let me take care of you for once, Thor. I just want to have some fun, and I want to reconnect, and I just want to see you as you come undone by my hand alone,” he confessed. The room was tense for a few moments, as Thor weighed Loki’s words, but the mood lifted once again, when Thor leaned over and kissed him.

“If this is what you want,” he replied. Loki nodded.

“Just don’t be offended, alright? It’s definitely not you.” Thor nodded back, holding Loki’s face between his hands, breath hot and heady as his tongue fucked right in. It was moments like these that Loki found so sexy. Thor was pure confidence in the ownership he had over Loki’s body, sometimes. When Loki started moving within Thor once more, Thor’s lips faltered on his own. And this was precisely why he wanted this. Thor’s breaths came sharp and shallow as Loki opened him up, continuously stroking until the tell-tale sign he’d found what he was looking for. Thor groaned, his head tilting back, showing off the gorgeous arch of his neck. “There it is,” Loki whispered to himself, as Thor’s eyes fluttered closed.

“Loki,” Thor chanted, rocking back against Loki’s hand as he teased his prostate. He pushed another finger against Thor’s little furl and patiently waited for his body to open up to the new intrusion. “Yes,” Thor exhaled, rocking back onto both fingers, with a low moan. He reared up with all his glorious muscles and golden hair as Loki kept putting pressure along his prostate. More and more, now circular motions, teasing along the edge while his other finger kept up with the pressure. “Ahh-haaaa…” Thor let out, bracing his hands back on Loki’s hips as the wonderful onslaught continued. Loki always found a fascination with how open Thor was like this. He was an amazing top, but he was never so vocal with his pleasure as when he was bottoming. It drove Loki wild.

“You’re so beautiful like this,” he said, looking up at him with wide, dark eyes. Thor’s cock was continuously dribbling out pre-cum, with the attention Loki was paying to that spot inside him.

“Uuuhhhhnnnn,” Thor moaned, his eyes opening a little to look down at Loki. He slid messily, back and forth, along Loki’s chest as the little puddle of cum slicked his way. It was a hedonistic squelching sound that echoed around the room. Loki didn’t love how messy things were getting, but he loved it for Thor. When he added a third finger to Thor’s fun, he enjoyed the way his eyes widened just a little more. The way his mouth hung open just a little wider. His whole body was flooding with pleasant endorphins, just watching Thor. “Yeeesssssss…” Thor said, the word punched out of him. “Loki…” Thor rose up to his knees, then, tightening around Loki’s fingers as he moved his hands from behind him to resting on Loki’s chest, massaging the ample muscles there. He leaned over to suck a mark just over Loki’s heart.

“Thor…” Loki whined, feeling his cock rising again in response. He bit his lip as Thor slammed back on his fingers.

“Ssssss……” Thor wheezed as Loki continued to scissor him open. “Ssssss…” he tried again, arching back up as he held on. Loki ran his other hand lightly through the growing pile of cum before finally putting a hand on Thor’s cock again. “Ahhh!!” Thor cried out, his head hanging and hiding his face in the curtain of his hair. “Loki,” he panted, rising up one more time.

“That’s it, Champ,” Loki shivered, with a satisfied grin, stroking Thor with a graceful twist of his wrist, his own hips bucking up in synchronicity as Thor’s orgasm washed over him.

“Loki!” Thor shouted, locking eyes with the younger man as he rode out his pleasure. Loki smiled at him, flushing happily at being able to care for Thor in this way again. “Loki…” Thor trembled, bending over again and drawing him into a heated kiss. He gave one last caress to his warm insides before removing his fingers, feeling Thor shiver in oversensitivity.

“Hmm…” he broke off the kiss, feeling sticky. “OK, now go get a towel,” Loki pouted, evening out his breaths. Thor chuckled, hopefully still finding him endearing. “What?” he asked, blushing at Thor’s response.

“I love you,” he replied, simply, moving off the bed and wiggling his ass as he sashayed over to his pants. “Thank you, by the way,” he winked. “That was amazing.” Loki smiled, throwing his arms over his eyes. Sometimes Thor’s admiration was too much to face full on. The next time he peeked out, Thor was doing a whole little ridiculous dance, dick flapping around as he moved closer and closer to the bed with a nice, warm towel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just had to say, I totally wrote my bottom Thor stuff on Bottom Thor day! <3 But obviously I couldn't post it then. So, here it is now!!! ;D I hope you enjoyed!!
> 
> I thought Hogun would be one to have obscure knowledge on cool historical stuff, so I wrote in a mention about the naval battles in the Colosseum. ;) I went to a lecture on that once, in college, for extra credit. It was a lot more technical than I was expecting, lol! But still cool.
> 
> The debate, I thought it fit that Loki and his father would have a unique way of arguing about things. A sort of secret language, almost. :)
> 
> Ugh! Re-reading this, I'm still self-conscious of how I wrote it....... I'm worried about all the "he said this" "he did this" sentences... *sigh* #writersfear So, thank you to everyone who has said this was written well. I still worry it sounds too choppy and doesn't have enough flow. *cry*
> 
> Also, someone needs to tell me. Do you find all of Loki's nicknames that he lobs at Thor as funny as I do? It wasn't supposed to be a thing, but it became a thing, and I love it. ;)
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13), [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13), [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/ktspree13), and many more, all under ktspree13. ;D


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's finally happened. We've come up on the last chapter I've done final edits on. So, if I don't have a chapter up tomorrow (12/11), it's because I'm still editing it. But hopefully I'll have it done to post tomorrow. :D Also, I only have two more chapters written after this one, soooo.......you'll have to wait for more content after they're up. :S Darnit....... I wish I had this all written already. But, oh well.
> 
> Also, fair warning, this is my favorite chapter so far in this part of the story. One of these stories just makes me cry, it's so sweet....... <3 So, I'm sharing it with you all now and I hope you find it to be just as special for you as it is for me. <3 You'll probably be able to pick out which part makes me cry, but you're welcome to guess. ;)

A few weeks later, and his mom was treating him to a spa day in the hospital. She’d brought stuff from work, and had set it all up just before he got up in the morning.

“Good morning, elskling,” she smiled, as he walked out of his bedroom and into the main room. About half the time he still slept in the hospital bed, but more often, he was feeling well enough to sleep in his own space. It had helped improve his mood quite a bit.

“What’s all this?” he asked, wiping the sleep from his eyes and going to give Farbauti a hug and kiss on the cheek.

“It’s spa day,” she smiled, hugging him back.

“No…” Loki trilled, getting excited.

“Yes!” she cried, clapping her hands. “You need some pampering, and I waited long enough to do this, I think.” Loki clapped along with her. When he was growing up, he used to groan about spa day. It meant sitting around the house while his mother tried out new techniques on him for work. It meant no outdoors. It meant touching and messy things everywhere. It meant sitting still and letting go. As he grew older, and his OCD became more manageable, spa days became more and more fun. He grew to appreciate the skills and care his mother lavished on him, simply out of the goodness of her heart. It made him feel special and beautiful, and, often times, weightless. He’d be floating by the end of it. Especially when his mom was training for her massage license. Any time she had a new technique to try, Loki was always her first call.

“What is it today?” he asked. “Are you trying something new?” He surveyed everything she’d brought, trying to guess.

“Nothing new,” she smiled, a blush coloring her cheeks. “You just need a spa day,” she winked. “I don’t have to have something new to try out to treat my son, do I?” Loki chuckled.

“No, of course not. I’m sure I look like a bog monster after all these months. Your son is in dire need of spa day,” he fake sniffled, making it out to be such a tragedy.

“Oh stop it, you awful child,” she replied, shaking her head. “Now go take a shower and get dressed. I’m going to cut your hair while you enjoy a facial, then clean up your nails. Darcy told me she wants to come by soon and 'do them up,' so I’m here to do the heavy lifting, so to speak.” 

“Thank you,” he said, hugging her again.

***

Twenty minutes later, he was sitting in a salon chair in the bathroom that his mother had carted in specifically for him. He had a steaming cup of tea in his hands, and was discussing options with Farbauti.

“Do you want to cut it short enough to donate again?” she asked him. For many years, he’d grown his hair out long enough to donate for people who needed wigs for medical reasons. He’d felt very lucky his own hair hadn’t fallen out from the week of chemo he went through. Lately, he was enjoying the longer length. 

“I think I want to grow it out really long, then cut it shoulder length to donate. I don’t want to go really short for a while,” Loki replied, taking a sip of his tea. His mother was next to him mixing the ingredients for the facial.

She smiled. “Yeah, I like the long hair. It suits you. I’ll probably take off two inches, then, sound good?” She put the bowl down looking over to see Loki nod in agreement as he finished his tea.

“Sounds good.” He smiled as he handed over the mug and sat back again. It was going to be a great few hours. He closed his eyes as his mother applied the facial to his face, then massaged his hands as they waited for the paste to solidify a little. When she was done, his hair came down from the towel and she started clipping away.

“Next time, maybe we can come up with a new style to try,” she suggested, fluffing his hair a little. Something new could be fun.” Loki let out a soft laugh.

“What, the style I’ve had the last...what...ten years...isn’t good enough?” he teased her. She dug her fingers in harshly against his scalp, a small warning, and still a taunt.

“It is a great style on you. I just think you might like to change it up.” He could feel her measuring the strands out, now, preparing to trim everything up.

“Maybe I’ll do an undercut.” Just on one side. He tried to envision it as his mother kept on working, starting to clip away.

“That could look really nice. Especially for summertime. I know you get overwarm, sometimes,” she replied, sounding focused.

“Mor…” he groaned, almost sticking his hands all over the mask. Luckily he stopped himself in time. “Don’t embarrass me,” he smirked.

“Who’s here to see?” she pointed out, giving his hair a little tug. “We all get overwarm in the summer. You get that from both of your parents. It’s nothing new,” she told him, continuing to trim his hair.

“I know,” he replied, feeling sufficiently cowed. His mother never let him feel bad about what he considered weaknesses, and it was an immense gift.

“How’s your art doing?” she asked. He hadn’t talked about it in a little while, since he couldn’t paint right now.

“Darcy said the paintings are selling really well, actually. About three fourths have been sold. Which is good. The money will be good…” Farbauti tsked at him.

“You know you don’t need to worry about it. If you ever need our help, your father and I are always here for you,” she told him, moving on to one side of his hair, now.

“I know,” he soothed her. “And beyond the sales, I’ve been drawing a bit. It’s not my favorite. But it keeps my hands busy. Mostly architectural stuff right now. Redesigning my spaces. Darcy says my subletter is nice. Respectful of the space. But I know I’m going to want to redesign everything when I get out. And I’ll need a new studio space…” He’d been thinking of these things for the last two weeks, as his time at Hope started to seem like it had an end in sight. It was healthy to think of what he wanted to do next, he thought. Gave him things to work towards.

“Well, don’t take on too much at once,” Farbauti chastised. “I know you, and you get ahead of yourself. Your first thought should be your health when you go back home.” He hummed, not agreeing or disagreeing. It was true, but he should be well on his way by the time he left.

“Well, if I draw it all out, Darcy knows how to take care of it. She has a guy, I guess, who does interior design,” he shrugged.

“You know, your father and I are still here. We can help too, you know.” He was feeling a little guilty, now. He just didn’t want to burden them, that was mostly it. If he could hand off what he wanted to someone else and have them do the whole thing, it required very minimal effort on everyone’s part but the professional.

“Mor…” he started. “I just don’t want to—”

“You can give the sketches to Darcy, but let us meet with whoever she has,” Farbauti interrupted. “We just want to help, elskling.” Loki relaxed back further into her touch.

“I don’t mind, Mor,” he replied. “But it’ll cost you another spa day,” he joked. His mother tapped him on the shoulder.

“What a terrible son I have. Just works me to the bone,” she kidded.

***

That afternoon, after he’d been clipped and polished and his nails had gotten an excellent treatment, he lay back in the hospital bed, feeling on cloud nine. “You work miracles, mother,” Loki said, stretching out on the bed and enjoying the sun shining through the windows on the left side of his bed. She was packing everything up that they’d used. Some of it would go back with her to the salon, but the rest she planned to keep here in the guestroom.

“Oh, stop,” Farbauti smiled, finishing her packing.

“I’ll have no problem falling asleep tonight,” he smiled.

“Are you feeling more energized throughout the day?” she asked, coming to sit beside him on the bed. Loki leaned his head on her shoulder.

“Hmm...some days,” he replied. “More often, lately. But I still struggle on other days. It’s getting easier to walk around here for longer periods of time. I’ve graduated to doing the standing exercises.” Farbauti nodded, listening to his progress. Banner kept telling him how good his numbers were looking. He didn’t have the same heart irregularities or shortness of breath that he was dealing with before the surgery, so that was all really positive. But he was tired of being tired. If he started back up painting right now, he wouldn’t even last 15 minutes. He was able to do some tai chi, most mornings, but not for very long.

“Well, it sounds like you’re slowly getting stronger. And I, for one, am very heartened at your progress.” She took hold of one of Loki’s hands to hold within her own, and Loki decided now was probably as good of a time as any to have a more serious conversation with her.

“Mor…” He pulled his head back to look over at her as she turned to face him. “What do you think of Thor?” he asked. He watched her face for any sign of hesitancy or uncertainty, but all he saw was the softening of her features as she smiled back at him.

“I really like him,” she answered. “I think he’s a very impressive man, and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for all he’s done for you. For all of us.” Loki looked down at their joined hands.

“I want to have his babies,” Loki said, matter of factly. Farbauti laughed.

“Come again?” she asked. He smiled softly.

“It’s not how it works, but….he means so much to me, Mor. I think he’s going to be around for a long time,” he told her, squeezing her hand a little.

“Well, I certainly like him a lot better than Erik,” Farbauti replied, patting Loki’s hand in response. “He always wanted you to mold around him. Realize something about yourself that just wasn’t there.” In truth, his relationship with Erik had probably been one of the scarier times in his life, and he’d been with him for a whole year before they broke it off. Erik was all about realizing your true self and making others see you, no matter the cost. For a long time, he found his confidence very admirable, until it became more destructive. He’d encourage Loki to recognize his OCD was all in his head and he could just give it up anytime he wanted. He didn’t have to be that way. And in a sense, he was right, but in another sense, he was very very wrong. 

It was probably the lowest point of his illness, after he’d been diagnosed. He stopped seeing Eir for a time, got off his meds. When Erik dragged him out of his apartment, as Loki screamed and grabbed hold of any surface he could—there were 10,000 rituals to go through before he left the house, after all—he knew it was over. He was too ashamed to call his parents. He didn’t even want Darcy to know. So he’d called up an old frenemy, Amora. A girl he’d met in art school. They may have competed for attention for guys and recognition in their field, but she was a badass bitch who he knew would be there for him if he really needed it. She’d driven in from two hours away to chew Erik out and grab Loki’s things. Then she’d kicked his ass and made him call his therapist.

After that, he’d actually found a really sweet guy: Svaðilfari. Four months in, it ended, and Loki was devastated. He was a horse trainer and was moving on to better pastures; not a metaphor. He was moving from the Arlington Park racetrack to work the family business out in Kentucky, somewhere, and long distance wasn’t his thing. He’d never mentioned him to his mother, and certainly not the scary month of rebound sex with Victor, filled with too fast cars, too many clubs, and too much booze. When the hard drugs came out, Loki was out of there. He’d actually thrown his phone away after that. That time around, he’d told Darcy and they’d huddled together watching P.S. I Love You and Love Me If You Dare around a tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

So when he’d first started feeling interested in Thor, he’d been cautious around him. He guarded his heart, all the while complaining to Darcy about the amazing Wonder Boy at the hospital. So she did what she does best and convinced him to get over it, all the while quoting Ron Swanson to him: “If you don’t believe in love, what’s the point of living?” His mother’s voice dragged him out of his reveries.

“I know there were a few others that you never told me about,” she murmured, sweeping Loki’s hair back behind his ears. “And that’s fine. A mother doesn’t need to know all about her son’s dating life,” she chuckled. “But your father and I already love Thor. The way he treats you...the things he does to make sure you’re comfortable and taken care of—that everyone is comfortable and taken care of, really—I don’t know what more to say. He has a good heart, elskling.”

***

“When did you know you were gay?” Thor asked him later that night. He was wrapped around Loki once again, stroking his hair, enchanted by how soft it was. Loki squirmed a little in his arms. The question made him uncomfortable, because it was so private; a formative memory. “You don’t have to say, if it’s not something you want to talk about,” the blond soothed, placing a kiss on Loki’s temple. Lately Loki had taken to worrying more about Thor staying the night. Nurses came in to check on him, still. Wake him up to check blood pressure, pulse, temperature. Each time, Thor would wake with him, rubbing his back or holding his hand. Then they’d fall back to bed and Thor would soothe him until he was sleeping again. But it certainly interrupted Thor’s own sleep schedule, and Loki wondered if it was harder for him throughout the day. He should text Sif later… “You still with me?” Thor smiled.

“No,” Loki replied, before realizing he was answering Thor’s earlier question before his latest one. “I mean...yes. Yes, I’m with you,” he sighed, blushing at his mistake. “I distracted myself momentarily with my own thoughts, sorry.” Thor laughed softly, placing a kiss on the top of his head. “No, I don’t mind,” Loki finally decided. He turned over so he was facing Thor. “It’s just sort of a sad story,” he said, leaning his forehead against Thor’s shoulder. The larger man wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist, holding him secure against his chest.

“Sometimes they are,” Thor agreed. “For me, it was a really confusing time when I turned 13. That summer I found myself with a crush on a boy down the street, along with his twin sister. I thought, maybe it was a fluke. Maybe I just liked their family genes.” The two of them chuckled, thinking about it. “But when I went back to school that year, it was like open season. I had a poster of this incredible bodybuilder, Kevin Lavrone on my wall, and I’d jack off to it all the time. My parents thought it was a motivational poster, because I was really active and lifted weights a lot in high school.” Loki laughed, thinking about it. By high school, if he’d had that poster on his wall, his parents would have known what it was for. “I also had a huge crush on Buffy and Shawn Hunter, at the time.”

“Well, Rider Strong is pretty hot,” Loki smiled, feeling comfortable enough to look up at Thor. “I assume you eventually told your parents?” By this point, he wanted the whole story.

“Not really,” Thor laughed. “I just started bringing dates home, and my mom noticed sometimes I was going out with a girl, other times it was a guy. The longest one in high school was with a guy named Kevin. We were sitting at the dinner table and my dad asked what was up with me and Kevin. My mom just said ‘He likes boys, dear. Thor and Kevin are dating. He likes boys and girls.’ And I just didn’t know what to say. I think my mouth was hanging open until my dad started laughing at the potatoes falling out of it.” Loki laughed. It sounded just like a family dinner at their house. He tugged on Thor’s shirt, pulling him down for a kiss.

“That sounds about right,” Loki snickered. Thor rolled his eyes.

“Then he said I should have Kevin over for dinner one night,” Thor shook his head.

“To which you promptly refused, I’m assuming.” He tangled his fingers into Thor’s hair, reaching up to take it out of the bun he had it in.

“Oh, naturally. But of course that didn’t fly, so dinner it was.” Thor sighed, wrapping Loki up closer, as he enjoyed the light scalp massage.

“What brought all this up?” Loki asked, still a little unsure about sharing. He wanted Thor to know, but he didn’t know if  _ he  _ was ready.

“Well, I’d never asked before, and I just thought it was about time I did,” Thor shrugged.  _ ‘I guess it’s time for the hard questions,’ _ Loki thought. He chewed his lip a little, playing with his hands along Thor’s chest before he spoke again.

“Well, mine started in the hospital,” Loki mentioned. His heart beat a little faster as he thought about it. Thor picked up on Loki’s somber mood and snuggled in, rubbing light circles along his back.

“You were young when you knew?” Thor asked.

“Not...not knew knew,” he told him. “But when I was here as a kid, I had a best friend, Angie. Her name was actually much longer, some kind of weird family name, but she always went by Angie. We were so close; did everything together. She was my first kiss. The first person I ever felt the need to protect and comfort. She was so beautiful.” He took a deep breath in, trying to calm down a little. “I told her she was my girlfriend, and by the next day, she said that wasn’t good enough, so we held a fake ceremony and got fake married,” he smiled, finally, thinking about it. “Everyone thought it was cute. After that, we had little stuffed animal children. All different sorts of animals. Our snake son was big enough to wrap around both of us while we napped.” Thor hummed next to him, nuzzling along Loki’s face. His beard was scratchy today, helping keep Loki’s focus on the present. He’d kept those stuffed animals, actually. Well, the ones that didn’t belong to the hospital.

“That’s really cute,” Thor said, after Loki had been quiet for some time. Even after 22 years, he still got choked up over her. Loki covered his eyes with the heels of his palms.

“It’s been so long, there’s too much I’ve forgotten about her,” he recounted, sniffling. “She died when I was six, and I said I’d never love another girl again,” he laughed, pressing harshly against his eyes. They stung with all the tears he wanted to cry for her. “So I didn’t,” he shrugged. It had never really been a conscious decision, but he could never find girls attractive when he got older. “It was just one of those deep soul connections, even though we were so young. I don’t know.” Thor nodded against him. It was often hard to explain Angie. He’d had another two years of being in and out of the hospital after she’d passed, and it was never the same with her gone. “She was the best wife I could have asked for.” He was crying, now, as he laughed. “22 years, and I still cry about her.” Thor’s arms were a tight vice against him, anchoring him to the room. He cleared his throat, continuing to wipe the tears away. “I don’t want to talk about her right now,” he mumbled.

“That’s fine,” Thor replied in that deep, comforting tone Loki loved. Thor kissed his temple, then the side of his cheek, but it was too much. He pushed away from Thor, and sat up.

“I want to go draw for a while,” Loki said, staring at the floor and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Thor sat up behind him.

“Can I keep you company?” he asked, still keeping his distance, but clearly wanting to remain close. Loki grabbed a tissue and blew his nose.

“If you come with, then you have to set up the table in my studio and bring me my oil paints,” he decided. If Thor was going to be with him, he had to have a purpose, or it would be too much. He couldn’t take the closeness right now.

“That’s fine,” he replied, climbing out of bed quickly to help Loki up. Loki smirked at his eagerness.

“Alright, then,” he said softly, leaning on Thor as they went into his studio for the first time in months. Things hadn’t changed, really. He spent the rest of the night painting flowers for Angie. Or his abstract version of flowers. When Hogun came in that night, Thor was passed out across from him at the table, and the man was giving him a side eye about not being in bed. Loki had dragged a blanket over Thor at some point that night, and he grabbed a ruined one for himself, so he wouldn’t get something on one of his good ones. “I’m fine,” he whispered as Hogun asked for the second time if he wanted help back to bed. He completely ignored Thor across from them.

“It’s not healthy to stay up all night,” Hogun chastised him. It was now 5 am, and he was up seven hours later than he usually was. But he’d finished four small blocks with oil painted flowers. Four flowers for the four important women in his life.

“I’ll go to sleep when Thor gets up,” he replied, continuing to watch the giant blond sleep. “I have the nurse call button on me, so I’ll be OK. I have a nurse sleeping directly across from me if it’s really an emergency.” He raised his eyebrows in a challenge, staring up at Hogun as he towered next to him.

“Fine, but I’m making a note in your chart,” Hogun replied, scribbling something down in the folder he held.

“If you must,” Loki sighed, drawing his feet up underneath himself. He wished he had a hot mug of tea right now. It would make Thor watching complete. “Could I have some tea, actually?” he asked, hopeful. Hogun raised his eyebrows at him, passing over a small bottle of water.

“Valerian or linden leaf,” Hogun offered, both known for their sedative qualities.

“Oh, you are insufferable tonight,” Loki teased, tossing his head a bit. “Valerian would be nice, though,” he decided. Hogun nodded and turned to leave. “Do you notice how smelly it is right now?” he asked. Hogun turned back around.

“Excuse me?” Hogun raised his eyebrows again.

“The paint smells,” Loki supplied for him. “Oil paints are fumier than my usual paints.”

“Oh,” Hogun nodded.

“You should mark down in that chart that the fumes aren’t bothering me,” he said, with an air of pride. Not even the acrid smell of paint thinner had bothered his lungs. It was a mini-miracle. Hogun left for the tea, but did look like he was writing something down again. Probably telling Banner he was sniffing paint thinner. 

***

Thor woke an hour later when Loki couldn’t resist anymore and he had to run his fingers through his hair. “By twelve, I was talking to my parents about my sexuality,” he said, returning to their earlier conversation. Thor was wading through sleep to try and catch up, and Loki found it too endearing. He smiled as Thor blinked and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

“I’m awake,” he rasped, shaking his head. Loki chuckled.

“I said I just didn’t think I liked girls. And we had a long talk about it and both my parents helped me sort through my own confusing feelings on the whole thing. Very practical and straightforward, of course. Questions that were pointed to help me understand my own feelings.” Loki ran his hand through Thor’s hair a few more times, watching him wake up more fully. “I think they were both sad for me for a time, but when they saw how much happier I was, how good it made me feel to have things more sorted in my own mind, they stopped thinking of it as something I’d struggle with, and came to celebrate with me instead. I’m grateful for that original conversation we had, to this day,” he mumbled. There were so many terrible ways it could have gone, but both his parents had taken it in stride. There had been a hard adjustment period for all of them, but they made it out the other side alright. He leaned down and kissed the top of Thor’s head. He was always so warm.

“Thank you,” the blond smiled, tracing a hand over Loki’s jaw. They talked for a little while longer, but eventually Thor carried them both to bed and Loki fell right asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.......anybody else need tissues???
> 
> Also, my beta suggested these cool designs for an undercut for Loki, and I had to share. <3 [Option 1](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/35/48/5d/35485d0ed7a6abea4d2dbede1089a993.jpg), [Option 2](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/15/35/d5/1535d5a3f95b0fb2e45f1ba19da12c98.jpg). As long as it was a little more defined like option 2, option 1 is my favorite. :P These are gorgeous, though! :O Love them!!
> 
> In case it doesn't actually make it into the fic, I'll let you guys in on a 'secret.' Darcy's interior design guy is Drax. >:) Haha!! :') He'll literally recreate the drawing you give him. I just couldn't get over that idea... Haha!! <3 So, there you have it.
> 
> In case it's not clear, the old boyfriends were Erik Lehnsherr (X-Men: Magneto), Svadilfari (from the myths), and Victor Von Doom (Fantastic Four). Amora is also a comics character. She may or may not feature more prominently. I'm not sure. 
> 
> I am still attracted to Shawn Hunter/Rider Strong. He's a very lovely man. 
> 
> Angie is a reference to Angrboda, from the myths. I'm not sure if their relationship was written as a happy one (as I've not read the myths), but this is fiction of fiction, and I'm allowed creative license in my own story. ;) I hope you all enjoyed my favorite chapter thus far.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/ktspree13) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I was working on my thorki secret santa fic, so I apologize this wasn't put out yesterday, HOWEVER, I don't feel too bad. Firstly, because you had a beautiful chapter on Sunday. :P Secondly, because my secret santa fic is really amazing and indulgent, and if you read it, you'll love it. ;) Regardless, the edits on this were a bit of a rush job, so hopefully everything is still alright. :S It might not be my best, though. But hopefully it's still good.

“Will I see you tomorrow for Lego Batman?” Natasha asked him, as she finished taking his vitals.

“Am I cleared to be around so many people already?” Loki asked, still getting used to the idea that he can freely, cautiously roam again.

“You might want to wear a mask, but otherwise, yes, absolutely,” she smiled, placing a small star sticker on his shirt. Loki chuckled.

“I assume I did well today?” he smirked. Natasha raised her eyebrows quickly.

“Doesn’t hurt to bribe my way into your good graces,” she replied. Loki laughed, placing a hand over hers.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “And I never really apologized for that day, when I was screaming at you,” he pouted. “So, I’m sorry,” he told her sincerely. 

Natasha ruffled his hair. “It’s alright. I understand. Being sick and hallucinatory can do that to a person.”

“Well, I’ll be there for movie night. Not much else going on, and I really do need to practice going out and being around other people again,” he mentioned.

“Then I’ll be seeing you!” she winked. “But don’t force yourself if it gets too stressful, you hear?” she told him. Loki nodded. “I would hate to have to take that gold star away.”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been trying to do better about not pushing myself,” he blushed. It was a common occurrence for him, and ever since Thor had gotten angry about over-exerting himself painting, he’d decided to make more of an effort. 

“Good,” she replied, collecting her cart and starting for the door. “Hopefully see you at movie night!” she called, making her way out of the door.

***

Loki sat towards the back of the group, curled up in a cushy armchair Natasha had helped him move over. He’d even done the smart thing and spoke with Bruce and Eir about returning to the movie nights, so he felt sufficiently prepared and comfortable being with such a large group again. The movie had just ended, and he was almost falling asleep in the chair. He didn’t know what it was about the lounge, but he always felt comfortable in here, and the other patients in the ward were nice people. Some of them he wondered why they were even there.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t want to breathe the same air as everyone else in here either. Don’t want to catch the crazy, you know?” An older man approached him and sat on the arm of his chair. “Should have thought to bring my own mask...but it’s too late, now.” Loki woke up the rest of the way with a start.

“Excuse me?” he asked, trying not to sound too groggy as his anxiety crept up. As a lot of the patients started to dissipate, Loki took the mask off, feeling self-conscious about it. He looked up at a man he’d never met before. He must be new-er to the psych ward.

“Sorry,” the man smirked, punching Loki’s knee lightly. “I’ve just not seen you around and here you come, skulking in the back with this strange mask on to sit and watch a movie with the rest of us crazy people. What’s up?” The man had a goatee, brown hair, and bright brown eyes. Tired looking. But who wasn’t, in a hospital? Loki furrowed his brows, considering just getting up and leaving. But his curiosity was peaked.

“I’m not staying in the psych ward,” he said with an air of pretentiousness. “But I need the socialization while I stay at the hospital.” Or, his therapist had highly recommended it, more like. And he’d been enjoying himself so far, if he had to be honest about it…

“What are you in for?” brunet asked, leaning further against the armchair.

“Umm…” Loki fidgeted slightly, looking around for Natasha. He didn’t just want to leave the armchair in its awkward place behind the couch.

“I’m Tony,” the man stuck out his hand to shake Loki’s, but there was no way that was happening.

“I’m sorry,” Loki mumbled. “I just had a bone marrow transplant not too long ago, so I would feel more comfortable if you used some hand sanitizer before I shook your hand.” Why did greeting people have to be so hard? Maybe he was being a little overly-cautious… The man withdrew his hand.

“Oh, wow. That’s some…” Loki pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and held it out to Tony. “Oh, I really don’t like to be handed things…” Tony replied. Loki laughed, starting to feel like he was on familiar ground again.

“OK, let’s try this again,” Loki smirked, placing the bottle down on the chair, easy for Tony to grab on his own. “Hi Tony, I’m OCD, also known as Loki.” 

“Ooohhh, goody,” Tony grinned. “Introducing ourselves as the crazy! Well, OCD, I’m mental breakdown from overworking myself and worrying my girlfriend. It’s fantastic meeting you.” Tony laughed, picking up the bottle of hand sanitizer and squirting a little on his hands, rubbing it around. When he put it back on the couch, Loki made sure to pick it up from a different area before putting it away.

“That doesn’t sound too fun,” Loki yawned. This time, when Tony held out his hand, he shook it without an issue.

“Well, it really wasn’t, but what can you do when you’re trying to revolutionize green energy?” Loki looked to the clock on the wall. It was just now 9 pm. Thor was working nights this week and would be coming into the hospital for his shift at 11. Loki wasn’t sure if he’d try to stop by his room beforehand or not.

“Revolutionize green energy?” he asked, a little distracted.

“Well, I don’t want to bore you,” Tony chuckled, noticing Loki’s glances to the clock. He worked hard to focus and took a deep breath, turning his gaze back to Tony.

“Sorry, I didn’t know if my boyfriend was coming by tonight or not and was looking at the time.” Loki clutched at his hands, feeling to need to do something with them and cursing himself for leaving all of his fidget items in his room.

“Alright Mr. Anxious OCD, don’t lose your cool. I was only feeling neglected.” Tony made an overly dramatic show of wiping a tear from his eye. The man was funny, but there was always more to the story.

“Alright Mr. I-use-humor-as-a-shield, tell me about this revolution you’re leading.” His smile was vicious as he gave Tony his more full attention. If he was going to use this meet as a way to find all of Loki’s little quirks and issues, then he was sure going to pay closer attention to the same in the other. Tony smiled.

“I like you. What do you do? You can’t possibly be in research & development. I’d know you…” Tony assessed.

“Are you sure about that?” Loki jabbed back. He closed his eyes as he leaned his head against the other arm of the chair. He was really getting too tired for this, but it was fun. Almost like things had been before he had come in to the hospital. Tony didn’t treat him one bit like a patient and it was refreshing. He also skipped right over the heavy topics that had been laid out, so he clearly didn’t enjoy poking at the tough issues. The brunet had gone silent and he opened an eye to watch as Tony studied him for a moment longer.

“No, I’d know you,” he decided, confident in his answer. Loki smiled.

“Well, you’re right. I’m an artist. So tell me, Mr. Energy Revolution, what’s the big plan?” Tony draped his arm over the back of the armchair. His movements were like a mental game of chicken. Who would be uncomfortable first. So he took a calculated risk. He stretched his feet out in front of him, essentially laying them on Tony’s lap, then stretched his arms behind his head, completely claiming the space.

“Is that how it is?” Tony smirked, raising his eyebrows in challenge.

“I was here first,” Loki told him. His heart was beating out of his chest. Freaking out that getting this close would be bad for his health, or, god-forbid Tony put a hand on him. It was one thing from people he knew… But Tony backed off. He sat back up, hands lifted in surrender. Loki sat up as well, feeling like he’d passed some kind of test as he removed his feet from the other man’s lap. “So, tell me, Mr. Stark, how are you going to revolutionize green energy?” He gave him a smug look as Tony looked on in surprise for a moment before he dropped back into his confident bravado.

“So you’ve heard of me?” Tony replied.

“The papers are positively abuzz about your arc reactor technology,” Loki yawned again, collapsing back into the chair.

“Surely not in Chicago,” Tony chuckled, waving him off.

“No, you’re right. But they won’t stop talking about you in New York. An ex of mine used to be downright obsessed with you.” Victor had gone on and on about Tony Stark this and Tony Stark that and  _ ‘invest now, you’ll thank me later.’ _ And Loki actually had invested, and he actually was thankful. The sale of one of his paintings went to his investment, and it had only grown from there. Now, Loki kept tabs on Stark Industries to see where it was headed. Tony smiled, sadly. “So, what are you doing all the way out here?” Loki asked, giving him a piercing gaze. There had been no talk of Tony moving the company. Chicago would have been overjoyed to have such a big corporation coming to town. And just as it looked like Tony was about to reply, the click-clacking of heels along the tile floor hit their ears. Loki sat up more fully, still wondering where Natasha may have run off to.

“I’m so sorry, I was—” Loki peered around Tony’s shoulder to see the unmistakable form of Miss Pepper Potts looking back at him. He stood, quickly, straightening out his clothes. He’d met her a few times before when he was having lunch with his father, and held her in great esteem. “Mr. Laufeyson!” Pepper chimed, inclining her head in acknowledgement. Tony stared between the two, watching the exchange.

“Like, owner of the hospital Laufey?” Tony asked. Oh, and Loki just loved throwing people for a loop. It had been too long since it had happened.

“Really, Mr. Stark, you are simply a treat right now. Is Miss Potts the girlfriend you mentioned earlier?” Loki inclined his head back at Pepper. By now, she likely knew all about his idiosyncrasies.

“I don’t know,” Tony smiled, gazing over at Pepper. “Is she?” Pepper rolled her eyes and Tony stood up to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“She won’t be if you keep asking about it,” Pepper teased. “And not taking care of yourself.” Loki was starting to understand a little more.

“I take it this is why you’re in Chicago,” Loki smiled, happy for the two.

“You are right again,” Tony tapped his nose twice. “What prize would you like to claim?” Loki laughed.

“Bed,” he told them, honestly.

“Well, it’s a little soon for a three-some,” Tony replied, before getting an elbow to the stomach for his sense of humor.

“Don’t be crass,” Pepper told him. Tony smiled apologetically.

“Yeah, I guess recovering from a bone marrow transplant would make you rather tired,” Tony conceded. “Do you need a hand back to your room?” he asked, looking excited for some reason. “I’ve always wanted to push someone around in a wheelchair.” Loki laughed.

“I am so sorry, Mr. Laufeyson,” Pepper shook her head, staring Tony down.

“What?”

“Please, don’t worry about it. I’ve had a splendid time with Mr. Stark.” Loki gave him a sincere smile. “You have a very special gift of putting people at ease, Tony. Thank you.” Tony actually looked embarrassed at the compliment, and Loki wasn’t sure what to do with that.

“Aw, come on, kid. The creative geniuses gotta stick together, right? Take over the world one bit of crazy at a time.” Tony winked. Loki smiled, wistfully. It was an honor to be lumped in with him. His art might not be so revolutionary, but Loki liked to think it was still unique. His phone chimed, then, and Loki quickly looked at the message. It was from Thor.

“Excuse me a moment,” Loki said, looking at the message.

‘Did you fall asleep at the movie?’ Thor had written. It would have been a useful wake up message if he had. Natasha must have left to help some of the other patients into their rooms.

‘No. Talking to Miss Potts and her enchanting boyfriend.’ he wrote back. As he was about to put the phone away, he quickly typed up another message. ‘I’ll be down in a few minutes. Wait for me on the bed. Naked.’ He smirked, devilishly, excited for Thor’s reply.

“Ooh, you did something dirty, didn’t you?” Tony smirked. “I know that look.” Loki laughed as Pepper looked completely embarrassed again.

“Miss Potts, I can assure you, these conversations have absolutely no bearing whatsoever on your job. There’s no need to feel uncomfortable around me. You’ve been a godsend to this hospital.”

“See? Godsend!” Tony chimed. “I could be the craziest of the crazy and they’d still love you.”

“I only wish you had a little more decorum,” she sighed.

“Oh, but where’s the fun in that?” Tony replied.

“There is none,” Loki grinned. No message had come from Thor, so he was either busy shedding his clothes, or not sure how to respond. Either way, Loki was getting anxious to see it. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I potentially have a naked man in my room and he starts work at 11, so I’m not gonna miss this.” Tony’s laugh followed him all the way down the hallway. Pepper’s red face had soo been worth it.

“Bye!” Tony called, just before he stepped into the elevator.

***

“I wanna go to Amsterdam,” Loki sighed. Thor glanced over at him, a smirk on his face. He had indeed been naked when Loki arrived, and they’d both been up to fooling around a little and cuddling under Loki’s heavy blanket.

“Oh yeah?” Thor asked, taking a drink of water. He had a half hour before he needed to be working.

“I wanna go see the sex workers in the windows, then pay one to let us fuck in front of it,” he pouted, glancing over at Thor just in time to see the water spurting out his nose. Loki gave him a wicked grin as Thor proceeded to cough and choke, staring at Loki with a panicked look on his face. “Maybe watch you get blown.”

“Are you serious?” Thor croaked out, as soon as he could breathe again. He stared at Loki with disbelief as he coughed around the water down his windpipe.

“It would be a trip I’d never forget.” Loki winked, handing Thor’s scrubs over to him. The larger man took them, slipping on his boxers and pants first.

“I can imagine,” Thor coughed. He’d finally worked the water out of his lungs.

“If I got enough from my painting sales, would you go?” Loki asked. He might say no to the sex thing, but Amsterdam itself, they’d have a lot of fun.

“What brought this on?” Thor asked, slipping the top of his scrubs on. Loki missed staring at his bare chest.

“Your giant d—” Thor covered his mouth with his hands.

“Stop that,” he smiled. “I’m going to want round two, and I just don’t have the time.” Loki licked his hand.

“I do,” he mumbled around Thor’s fingers. The blond moved his hand away.

“I guess you’ll just have to make do without me,” Thor shrugged. Loki got a wicked glint in his eye.

“You say that like I won’t do it,” he smirked, a challenge resting on his brow. Thor laid down next to him, splaying a hand on Loki’s bare belly before dragging it slowly up to paw at his chest. “What are you…” Loki gasped as Thor rubbed circles over one of his nipples with the pad of his thumb.

“Hmmm…” Thor smirked. “There’s nothing to say I can’t participate in round two,” he winked, dropping his head down to suck at the other nipple.

“Thor…” he moaned, his hands latching onto Thor’s hair, holding his head in place as he heaped the delicious torture on him. Usually he discouraged this, as he was just so sensitive in this area; he’d cum too fast, unable to stretch it out. Thor let go with a wet pop as he watched Loki’s cock quickly fill again.

“Is this why we don’t do this?” he asked, with a giant smile on his face, like Loki had just let him stick both hands in the cookie jar and take as many as he liked.

“Yyeessssssss,” he replied, in a trance, as Thor kept massaging him with both his hands.

“It feels that good?” Thor looked on, amazed as Loki’s cock stood to full attention once again.

“Yessssss!” he whined, a bead of pre-cum leaking out as Thor flicked his nipples with the blunt edges of his nails, forward and backward, scraping against his little buds before chasing a side to side motion. His hips bucked as Thor bent down and took one into his mouth, flicking his tongue against the sensitive bud. It felt too good. Too good too fast. All the same, he was floating happily on the pleasure coursing up and down his spine, cursing his stupidity for not sharing this with Thor before.

“Can you cum just like this?” Thor asked, apparently curious above all else. Loki whined at the loss of the stimulation.

“Not...usually….. but a lot of times I get close,” he blushed. Whenever he did this, it always felt great. But he also felt embarrassed by his reactions. Thor put his mouth back on him, dragging his tongue along the edges of his pecs before swirling his tongue against the other nipple. The two eyed the slow dribble of cum leaking from Loki’s member. 

“This is amazing,” Thor hummed. All it took was Thor’s hand on his cock, giving him just a little pressure, just a little friction, and a graze of teeth along his little bud before he lost it. 

“Thor!!” his hips pistoned up into Thor’s loose hand as he came all over his chest, whimpering at the sensation of Thor licking him clean. Loki laughed, pushing him off when Thor went to envelop his cock with his mouth. “Enough,” he panted, trying to even out his breaths.

“I wasn’t done making you all clean,” Thor protested, eyes dark and glassy.

“Well, that’s what those handy little towelettes are for. Now grab them from the dresser.”

“That was amazing, Loki,” Thor repeated again, quickly grabbing the wipes from the nightstand. “I never knew…” Thor looked over at him, still sprawled out and heaving on the bed. It had been good for him, too.

“Yeah….” He smiled, happy and fucked out.

“How...I don’t even know…” Thor handed over the wipes, sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “How?” he finally settled on.

“I don’t know.” Loki traced an infinity symbol on Thor’s knee, over and over, distracting his anxiety about opening up. “I can only tell you it feels like there’s a string attached to something inside of me,” he looked down, grasping his over-sensitized length as he cleaned up from what they’d just done. “...and when my chest is brought into the mix, it feels like someone’s just pulling and pulling on that string until it pops out.” He blushed so hard, telling Thor what it honestly felt like. He’d never told that to anyone before. And no one had ever asked. He grabbed another wipe and moved it all along his torso. Thor had left a few marks on his pecs, marks he would cherish looking at in the morning. “But it’s pretty powerful, and I don’t last long at all,” he mumbled, handing the wipes over for Thor to place in the trash can for him.

“Well, I know I wanna do that again,” he smirked, getting up to kiss Loki on the forehead. 

“Of course you do,” Loki rolled his eyes. “You love it when you wreck me.” He stuck his tongue out. 

Thor laughed, tossing the wipes in the bin. “YOU love it when I wreck you,” he smiled, sticking out his own tongue. His breath had finally evened out as he watched Thor make his way over to Loki’s dresser. The blond pulled out some fresh pajamas and underthings before coming back to the bed.

“Well, I have to get to work,” Thor smirked, showing off the large chub in his pants.

“Sorry,” Loki smiled, biting his lip as he took the clothes from Thor’s hands.

“I love you,” Thor replied, kissing him quickly on the lips.

“I love you,” Loki smiled, shooing Thor out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Tony has finally made it into my fic!!! :D ;) I had to (HAD to) add in one of my favorite kinks. Had to do it, guys. :P So, yeah. That happened. ;) I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13) | [Pillowfort](https://twitter.com/ktspree13)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I finally got this edited! :D <3 This is the last full chapter I have written, so from here on out, updates may take a little longer. Especially with family in town. Sorry about that, everyone!! <3 I don't mind holing up down here on my computer, but family finds it a little rude when I don't spend any time with them. :P ;) Anywho, enjoy this chapter!! :D I like this one quite a bit. As always, any new translations are in the end notes so I don't spoil anything up here. ;)

Thor’s hair was a masterpiece today, and Loki couldn’t stop staring at it. Thor had the day off, and his parents were in town, finally. This was Thor’s gift visit to them, but they’d all come in today specifically to see Loki. Loki’s parents had wormed their way into lunch, as well, so it would be one big happy family as they sat in his father’s lounge and ate food from the cafeteria. Loki was trying not to worry about it. But it was hard not to, especially with what Thor had done. He’d gone all out, and Loki was feeling very squirmy about it. The top section of his hair was in some kind of intricate french braid, and the rest had been pulled back into a bun, two thin strands of braids framing the different sections. Then he’d put on some crisp blue chinos, the soft white t-shirt Loki loved with the scoop neck, and a nice short-sleeved cardigan to match the pants. Loki was drooling over him and feeling very slovenly.

Today wasn’t his best day, but it certainly wasn’t one of his worst. He’d actually been able to get a workout in yesterday, and now everything hurt. He was moving very gently. He’d,  _ maybe _ , overdone it a little in his anxiety over Thor’s parents visiting. The last time they’d seen him, he had looked awful, and he was determined to do better this time. And when Thor had waltzed through the door with them, Loki still felt like he’d done a terrible job of preparing. So he decided today was a day for lying. He sat up gingerly in his soft, cozy sweats and his oversized sweater and told them he’d actually just gotten up from a nap, and he had to change quickly. Thor gave him one of those looks that said he wasn’t sure if this was true. And when Loki had slowly gotten up, his beautiful blond wrapped him in his arms and kissed his temple.

“Hey, love,” he smiled. Loki was sure there were actual stars in his eyes as he stared at Thor.

“I’m…….” he blushed. “I’m going to use the restroom, but can you help me in my bedroom after?” he asked. Thor nodded, kissing his cheek and escorting him the few steps to the bathroom. Loki felt ridiculous, but as soon as he was inside, he locked the door and panicked. Why hadn’t he thought to dress nicer? He owned nice clothes. Clothes with actual zippers and buttons and everything. His hair was just hanging limp on his head. He should have done it up. He owned hair products and pins and everything, after all. 

He sighed, quickly pulling out his toiletry kit. The one filled with his fancy face products and the bits of makeup he occasionally wore. Rolling out the kit, he picked out the rosewater spray he had, removed the sweater, and sprayed it on himself. It was a mild scent, so if he sprayed it in multiple places, it wouldn’t be overpowering. Then he pulled out the foundation and eyebrow pencil. Next he chose an eyeliner and before he’d pulled out the eyeshadows, he broke down and sat down on the toilet. He covered his face with his hands, willing himself not to cry. What was he doing? Thor’s parents would probably be more weirded out by the makeup than not… They’d seen him way worse than this and still liked him. He hadn’t worn makeup or real clothes in months and now he was about to take a huge step and do both? He pulled his phone out, needing Darcy.

‘Help...I’m about to cry in this stupid hospital bathroom because Thor looks like a model and I look like a bog monster… And I just want to put on my makeup and my nice clothes and my Docs and look like I used to, but…’ But what? He wasn’t sure how to explain it. But...Darcy would understand. So he sent it unfinished. If nothing else, at least he’d reached out. He look a deep breath in, then let it out, shakily. Followed by another, less shaky this time. And a third before he got a response.

‘I’m calling Thor.’ Fuck! Shit… What was she thinking? What was HE thinking?? Darcy wasn’t about to let him stew like this, and she sometimes took drastic measures to accomplish her wicked ways of helping.

‘NO!’ he sent back. But Loki could already hear Thor talking outside the room. He sounded happy, then concerned, then he could hardly hear him anymore as it seemed Thor took the call into another room. He stood up, deciding, fuck it, whatever, and started scrubbing at his face. He pulled out the brush he used to apply the foundation, then the other brushes he’d want for brows and eyes. By the time he’d lined everything up, there was a new text.

‘For your own good, baby bird.’ He cursed her in several dead languages in his head. Normally, Darcy was more of a brainstormer. She’d go back and forth with him on how to get over whatever he was hung up on. But since he’d been in the hospital, she trusted him less to be able to do things on his own, and instead simply took charge. It was the one way he knew she was still scared for him. It was sweet, but also overkill, and he’d need to discuss it with her. Thor knocked on the door as Loki was throwing the phone down against the counter.

“Loki? My parents are interested in seeing your artwork. Do you mind if I let them into your studio?” Thor asked. On the one hand, this was likely Darcy’s suggestion of getting Thor’s parents distracted with something so Thor could help him without much notice. On the other hand, he would hate to miss seeing their reactions to his work. But he had set everything up yesterday for them to look at... “If it’ll bother you, my dad said he would love some coffee, so they might step out for a caffeine run.” Probably a lie, but he appreciated it anyways. He took a deep breath again, hoping his voice sounded steady.

“I’d actually love some tea, if they were going out,” he replied, feeling awful for sending them away. Ten minutes into their visit with him and he’d already messed everything up. Everybody knew, now, that he was freaking out in this bathroom. He wet a washcloth with cold water and pressed it up against his eyes, cursing himself, and then Thor for looking so damn amazing.

“Alright, I’m going to send them to the place across the street. Is there any kind of tea you’d like?” Thor confirmed with him. And now he was in a mood…

“Something bitter and herbal,” Loki replied, sitting down on the toilet again. He tilted his head back, listening to Thor give his parents directions, and calmed himself with the cool rag pressed against him. When another few minutes had passed, there was a knock at the door.

“Can I come in?” He thought about saying no and keeping the door locked, but that wasn’t the healthy response, so he removed the washcloth and opened the door. Thor’s arms were around him the moment he stepped into the room. “I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “I was nervous this morning, and I didn’t think how that might affect you.” Loki sniffled. He was not going to cry...

“Those clothes are doing bad things to me,” he admitted. “Naughty things, and then insecure things……. And I hate you and your amazing hair. But mostly I hate me and my stupid illness.” Thor rubbed a hand up and down his back. Letting it out felt good, like releasing the tension from him.

“I can take it all out,” Thor replied. “Go put on some scrubs...come back...let you do bad things to me…” Loki laughed, punching his rock hard abs.

“Now who’s being ridiculous?” he challenged him, giving Thor a hard stare.

“Hmm...still you,” Thor decided. Loki punched him again, harder this time. “Seriously, you looked great when we came in. What got you so worried?” Thor asked.

“Thor… I do own actual clothes, not these pajamas and sweats I’ve been wearing. I do own things to do my hair up nice and makeup when I feel like it… I have all these things. And I haven’t had a reason to use them since coming here. And you walk in looking like that, and suddenly I wish I’d taken the time to do the same. Mentally prepared a little more.” He sighed, and Thor just crushed him all the more.

“It’s a big step to take, Loki. I don’t want you to feel pushed into it because of my own insecurities.” Thor’s face, despite the beautiful hairstyle he’d done, looked so tortured. Loki could imagine, at least a little of the morning Thor had gone through. He took a deep breath before letting it go.

“I know, but… I don’t know. I want to try,” Loki said. “Maybe I’ll be fine; maybe I won’t. But you look so nice, and I wanna look nice, too.” He pressed closer to Thor, needing to hear encouragement if he was going to proceed.

“Alright,” Thor smiled, massaging Loki’s back. “If we’re doing this, let’s do it. Makeup, clothes, hair, the works.” He sounded downright excited about it, enough to bring Loki out of his funk as he pulled Thor down for a kiss.

“Alright,” Loki agreed, feeling more energized, finally. Thor’s puppy-like enthusiasm was catching, apparently.

“Can I watch while you do your makeup?” Thor asked. “I’ve only had mine done for pride parades.” Loki stared at him like this was the greatest travesty in the world.

“Of course my little cuddle cakes,” Loki cooed, motioning for Thor to sit on the countertop as he pulled him down for one more kiss. “But after, I want you to do my hair. Kinda like yours,” he pouted. Thor grinned.

“Done!” He ruffled Loki’s hair from his higher perch, the raven-haired man scowling at the disturbance to his locks.

“OK, now let me concentrate...I’m a little out of practice.”

***

He ended up lining his eyes with kohl then using some light grey eyeshadows for his lids and just under his lower lashes. “Where did you learn that?” Thor asked.

“I asked my mother to teach me a little, when I was growing up. The rest comes from girlfriends in high school and Darcy,” Loki smiled, putting his things away. He was pleased with the outcome and Thor seemed enamored with the final product as he placed soft kisses in places Loki hadn’t made up. After all, this was the first time he’d worn any kind of makeup around the older man. It could have really backfired if Thor had been repulsed by it. When he turned that unsure gaze over to the blond, he hopped off the counter and wrapped Loki up in his bulky frame.

“Come on, let’s get your hair going. Do you know what you want?” Thor asked.

“I want something like yours,” Loki blushed, looking down at their feet. Thor had worn sandals today. Was it too cutesy to ask to look a little like Thor? Maybe he should just tell him ‘whatever.’ That was probably better. More freedom. Less ridiculousness…

“Let’s work on it while you sit on your bed,” Thor suggested, not giving Loki a chance to take back his words. Then he smiled and turned Loki around in this arms as they both trudged slowly to his room. Thor kissed his neck and placed another, sloppier kiss right behind his ear. It felt so sinful that Thor had him sitting on the bed in a slight trance, putty in his hands for whatever he planned to do with Loki’s hair. “I’ll do something a little simpler, so it doesn’t take so long.” Loki nodded. “I was literally up at 5 am this morning, pacing around the room. I don’t know what was wrong with me,” Thor sighed, parting Loki’s hair. He’d grabbed supplies before they left the bathroom.

“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Loki replied. “I mean, all of us haven’t had lunch together before, so I can see why you’d be nervous. But everyone who’s going to be lunching with us today already loves you, so, I hope you’re not feeling so nervous now.” He reached a hand up to place it on Thor’s wrist. Thor leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better. Though, a large part of that is thanks to the enormous amount of drooling you did when I walked through the door,” Thor grinned. Loki blushed, glad Thor was behind him and unable to see it for once.

“Yeah, well...just wait until I’m all done up. You’ll be tripping all over yourself soon enough,” Loki pouted, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Thor chuckled, his belly shaking against Loki’s shoulders.

“I have no doubt.” Thor focused after that, braiding the top of his hair in a similar, but simpler, fashion to his own and finishing the end in a small topknot. The rest of Loki’s hair hung down in relaxed waves. He flushed again when Thor showed him the two of them in a hand mirror he’d brought with. The contrasting colors, differing, yet similar hairstyles, Thor’s beautiful face next to his own fierce makeup. They looked so different, yet so good together. Loki smiled, feeling pampered and excited. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d looked this good, and took the next ten minutes to make out with Thor. 

It was a good feeling to have...being confident in himself again. Sadly, it didn’t last long as he fretted over what to wear. What if his clothes didn’t fit anymore? What if he looked terrible in them now? His body had changed since he came into the hospital a year ago. What if nothing looked good anymore? Thor came over to him as he stared into the wardrobe and hugged him from behind.

“You don’t have to do this, Loki,” he told him, again. “You look great in anything you wear.” Thor rubbed his belly in a comforting way and he melted back against him.

“I love it when you do this,” Loki admitted, tilting his head and breathing in Thor’s scent deeply.

“Really?” Thor asked. It had clearly never occurred to him. “You never told me that before.” He smiled against Loki’s temple, continuing to trace circles with his warm hands.

“Yeah. You’re always so warm. It feels good.” Loki took another deep breath in and moved closer to the wardrobe as Thor pressed up tighter against him.

“Well then, I shall continue,” Thor smiled. Loki could feel his cock stir every time Thor’s hands brushed low on his abdomen. It was intoxicating.

“No,” he breathed. “I’m gonna put on actual pants today,” he decided. When he stared inside the drawer that contained all his pants, he decided his tight, black skinny jeans would be the chosen pair. He’d always looked good in them, and if any pair of pants would make him feel good about himself, it was these ones. Then he pulled out his black Gucci belt with the large golden G’s on it. He’d been cold, lately, so he pulled out a tight long sleeved black shirt, then his oversized grey flyaway short-sleeve cardigan.

“You won’t get too hot, will you?” Thor asked. He’d clearly dressed for comfort, but the man always seemed warm.

“It’s cold…” Loki whined, clutching his flyaway to his chest. Thor laughed.

“I was referring to the long sleeve, but if you’re cold, you can always turn up the thermostat in your room,” Thor said, leaning his head on Loki’s shoulder. His hands were still now, just a warm, heavy weight on his belly, and it felt wonderful, like he could soak up all of Thor’s golden rays just by having his hands on him.

After a minute of enjoying the stillness, he asked, “Can you help me take my top off? I don’t want to ruin my hair.” Thor nodded, pulling the hem of his shirt up slowly. Loki inhaled sharply when his thick, calloused fingers brushed over his chest. But he didn’t linger, instead stretching the collar of his sweater just enough to pull it smoothly over Loki’s head. He dropped the other clothing items on the bed before lifting his arms for Thor. When he turned around, the blond was smiling at him.

“You’re so beautiful, love.” Loki pulled his lips into a hard line, trying not to get too flustered. He pulled his sweats off, and looked up as Thor groaned.

“What?” he asked.

“You do know how to torture me,” Thor replied, running his fingers over the silky lace thong Loki had put on that morning. He hated lines showing underneath his sweats, and the thong had been a necessity this morning, but he’d forgotten he’d put it on and smirked, turning around for Thor and bending over to pick up his pants from the floor. The deep rumbly moan that echoed behind him went straight to his cock and he arched his back as he stood back up. When he was standing again, Thor pulled him taught against him and Loki could feel his semi through his slacks. “Literal torture, love,” he growled, placing a few wet kisses along his neck and shoulders.

“Sorry,” Loki sighed, feeling Thor tweak one of his nipples. “Now stop, so I can get dressed,” he chuckled, stepping away from Thor’s sinful embrace and over to the bed where he’d thrown his clothes.

***

It was an hour later when Loki walked out of his bedroom to greet Thor’s parents again. They’d brought him some lovely lapsang souchong; sharp and earthy with lots of smoke. It was perfect. “Thank you,” he murmured, gripping the warm cup in his hands and taking a sip.

“We didn’t know how you took it,” Odin replied, “so we just stuffed a bunch of stuff in a bag.” He handed it over to Loki and it was filled with sugar packets, honey, little creamers, stir sticks, napkins. It was so sweet.

“Thank you,” he smiled. “I usually take it with a little honey, but it’s good as is right now.” He took another sip, blushing at their smiles.

“Well, we’re glad you like it,” Frigga replied. “We should have had Thor call before we came. We didn’t mean to catch you off-guard.” Ohhh...the two of them were too sweet sometimes. He handed the tea to Thor and went over to hug Thor’s parents.

“I’m glad you came. It’s just lovely to see you both again. And you’ve been so amazing throughout my whole time here.”  
“Oh, it was nothing,” Odin replied the same time Frigga said “It was no trouble.” The four of them laughed as Loki pulled out of the embrace and took his tea back.

“Well, I did set up all my paintings for you both to see, if you’re interested. I just...wasn’t feeling up to it last time, and I love to watch people’s reactions as they look at my art,” he blushed, indicating the door to his studio. “But we can always do it later, or not at all, if art just isn’t your thing.” He might be a little sad if they didn’t want to see any of it, but he’d never say anything.

“Oh my goodness! You didn’t have to go through all that trouble, but I, for one, am very excited to see your paintings,” Frigga smiled, clasping her hands together like she was about to say a prayer. Her eagerness put him at ease and he gave her a bright smile back, walking towards his space. It was getting easier to let people in here. And it was even easier this time, as he actually had a gift for Frigga inside. The oil painted flowers had dried and he’d wrapped one up for her. It was supposed to resemble a water lily.

“I’ve also been curious about these paintings Thor talks about,” Odin said, clearing his throat as they walked over to the studio door.

“Thor talks about my paintings?” Loki asked, curious about what it was he said.

“Oh, all the time,” Odin chuckled. “It’s ‘you should see how he paints’ this and ‘his technique is so captivating’ that. He mentioned the size of canvases you’ve done, and tried to describe them quite vividly. But I have to admit, I’m more of a visual person. You could describe a pencil to me in perfect detail and I’d still need to see it to understand exactly what it looked like.” Oh, he was such an architect. Loki laughed, enjoying the blush that now crept on Thor’s face.

“I just wanted to share more of you with them,” the blond defended himself. Loki reached up and kissed his cheek quickly before turning back and pulling open the door to the studio.

“Well, art is very subjective anyway. Thor could have given you the most accurate description of it as possible, but you’d still need to see it to really feel it in you. It’s also one of the reasons I love all the work that’s getting put into helping the blind ‘see’ paintings and sculptures that have been done. There’s even some really amazing tactile art out there. It’s really just incredible.” Loki flipped the lights to the studio, and everything seemed to come to life. The setup was exactly how he wanted it to look. He’d almost left out the ‘do not sell’ painting, but ended up putting it in last minute, a little hidden. It was just so personal to him. He’d poured all his emotions into it; it was the first painting he’d worked on at Hope, and it was the night he first met Thor. It was filled with so much. Whenever he looked at it, it was like staring into a mirror, warts and all. He could never give it up.

“Oh, Loki…” Frigga gasped. “These are amazing!” He wasn’t sure about Odin. The man lived clean lines and architectural diagrams. But he’d consider it a success if he enjoyed looking at his work. Loki sat down on a stool near the front of the room and watched as Thor’s parents traveled from painting to painting. He hated crowding people while they looked at his art. Sometimes it forced people to react simply because he was there. After they looked on their own, he’d talk about any of the ones they were curious about. Thor stood next to him, watching Loki drink his tea and observe his parents.

“You don’t like to walk around with people?” Thor asked. Loki smiled up at him.

“I don’t want people to create any disingenuine reactions simply because I’m standing next to them as the artist. Art should be experienced personally first, then through the lens of the creator, if someone wants to know.” Thor smiled, then went to walk around with his parents. So Loki tucked his feet up and drank his tea while watching the three of them look at his work, making soft comments every so often, and calling over to Loki about what they thought. Eventually Thor and Odin came back to join him, but Frigga had gone back to look at one of his paintings. Her back was to him, so he couldn’t see which one she’d stopped at.

“Well, I love how you’re able to convey such emotion within the abstract,” Odin grinned, plopping down heavily into a stool next to Loki. “I really liked that one on the side wall there.” Odin was pointing to a painting to his left. It’d been the one he was working on when he collapsed all those months ago… Softer, with the sponges and watercolors. He’d felt like he couldn’t breathe while he painted it. Like the sponges were lodged in his throat, making him mute and unable to communicate. If you didn’t feel a little like you were suffocating while you looked at it, well, he hadn’t done his job right.

“Thank you,” Loki replied. “I was painting that the night Thor and I first kissed,” he flushed, biting his lip as he looked up at Thor, still standing between the two of them. He wondered if Thor liked that painting at all. They sat and chatted for the next 20 minutes when Loki realized Frigga was still in the same spot she’d been in before.  _ ‘Now is as good a time as any,’ _ he thought, getting up and taking a small wrapped parcel from the countertop to the right of them. “Excuse me,” he said.

“Oh, sure. But don’t mind Frig. Sometimes she gets real set on art. Takes her a bit to come out of it,” Odin gave a small smile. Loki nodded, then made his way over to her side. She was staring at the ‘do not sell’ painting with tears falling down her face. She’d been silent about it this whole time. Loki’s heart ached a little. He put a hand on her shoulder, gently bringing her focus to him.

“Oh, dear…” she chuckled as she wiped the tears from her face. “You’ve hidden this masterpiece,” she smiled. “Do you mind pulling it out a little? I’d love to take in the full view.” Loki inclined his head to her and handed over his small package.

“Of course.” He moved the canvases around a little, then pulled the smaller piece away from the rest for her to see. When it was fully out on its own, Frigga turned to him and wiped a few more tears from her eyes.

“Thank you.” He took her hand in his and laced his fingers in her own. It was a powerful feeling when you found a piece of art that spoke to you, and Loki always felt better knowing someone was there with him. Frigga’s little squeeze of his hand told him she felt the same way. When a few more minutes had passed, and most of her tears had dried, she turned to him again. “This is the day you met my son,” she smiled. And now it was Loki’s turn to feel the floor come out from under him as he stared at the woman before him. Like some great seer or incredible mind-reader, she had seen him in the painting. She was crying at seeing the mirror he’d painted for himself. And no one else had ever come close to seeing the same. Then again, he’d barely let anyone else look at it. Even Thor only gave it sideways glances, knowing Loki’s feelings for it ran deep. His eyes were wide as he continued to stare, his mouth hanging open like a dumb guppy.

When he found the ability to talk again, all he could say was “That’s for you,” about the little package she had clutched against her chest.

“Oh, I’d forgotten I was holding this,” Frigga smiled. Loki was in awe, as she asked him if she should open it now and it took him a minute to get enough under control to nod ‘yes.’ It was very robotic and he briefly wondered if she could tell. Thor should have warned him, he felt; warned him how intuitive his mother was. Maybe then he would have been prepared. Who was he kidding? It wouldn’t have made any difference. And as she opened the plain brown paper, Loki stared over at Thor, eyes wide and vulnerable, setting off the elder’s own sensors, silently asking Loki what was wrong. But how do you tell the one you love above anything that their mother has just seen into your soul and cried for you? You don’t. You can’t...can you? 

So he pressed on and told her rather methodically how he’d used a different painting style than he normally did, how he’d made a water lily here, and it was for her. She pulled him into a hug and thanked him while Loki tried hard not to cry.

***

The four of them walked into Laufey’s office, shortly after his impromptu art exhibit. He was still feeling rather raw, but having Thor’s hand wrapped around his was a big help. When his mother caught sight of him, she took a deep inhale as her hands flew up to cover her mouth. Perhaps he should have mentioned he’d put real effort into his appearance today…

“Loki!” she cried, giving him a watery smile before turning back to get his father’s attention. The two of them stared like the sight of him in real pants, makeup, hair done up was so foreign. But, in a way, it was true.

“Mor,” he smiled, going over and kissing her on her cheek. “I should have let you know. Thor inspired me to dress up today. Isn’t it pretty what he did with my hair?” he asked, showing off a little. His mother wrapped her arms around him.

“You look so beautiful, baby,” she squeezed him. He wrapped his arms around her shorter frame. She’d said just what he needed to hear, and he felt so much lighter.

“Thank you,” Loki murmured. 

Laufey came over from behind his desk then and briefly kissed his forehead as he clasped Loki’s face in his hands. When he looked up at Thor, he shook his head, whispering “Mirakelgutt” under his breath. 

Loki closed his eyes as he smiled, taking a deep breath in. This was an important moment. It was a huge deal that he’d accomplished putting on more normal clothes. The makeup and hair were just cherries and whip cream on the top of the sundae. It meant him continuing to improve. It meant life outside his illness was on the horizon. “Well, we’re being rather rude to the Borsons.” Loki opened his eyes and cleared his throat, flushing a little at the embarrassing display they’d put on for Thor’s family.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m getting the sense this is a big day for everyone. Please, don’t feel strange about any of it,” Frigga replied, putting everyone at ease. His parents broke away from him and went to greet Thor’s parents, swapping names and backgrounds. Odin asked if he’d heard correctly and they were speaking Norwegian earlier. Which led to a brief, stunted conversation between the four of them in his parents’ native tongue. Thor had him wrapped up in his arms.

“What is it your dad always calls me when he sees me?” Thor asked. Loki was surprised he’d never asked before.

“It’s usually just a jest, making fun of the two of us. He just calls you Wonder Boy in Norwegian.” Loki rolled his eyes, leaning against Thor a little more. His body was ready to sit down again. “Today, though, I think he was really calling you a miracle,” he smiled. Thor grumbled behind him.

“If anything, I made things worse today,” Thor replied, to which he got a slap on his wrist from Loki.

“You did no such thing,” Loki insisted. “Now, I may have had a bit of a freakout in the bathroom, but this was huge for me, and I’m glad I get to look this amazing while your parents are here. It’s helped my confidence so much.” Thor kissed his cheek.

“Alright. And just so you know, you could be wearing a bag with a horrible wig and clown makeup on and they’d probably still love you.” Loki laughed. It really was quite the picture.

“Have you tried that look before?” Loki asked. “Because we could add it to our role playing costumes if you miss it.” His legs were starting to shake the longer he stood, but hopefully he’d be good to get lunch before he needed to sit down.

“Oh god, no…” Thor groaned.

“No what?” Odin asked, having overheard the tailend of their conversation. “If you’re ashamed of your parents here, you can just say,” he joked. Thor let out a long suffering sigh.

“That’s precisely it,” Thor nodded solemnly. It didn’t take long for him to break out into a smile. “No, old man. My words were for Loki and had nothing to do with being ashamed of either of my wonderful parents.” Odin barked out a laugh.

“Alright, I don’t need to hear your pillow talk,” he said, waving the two of them off. Loki’s father laughed at that.

“I hope you two are being safe and using protection,” Frigga chimed in next. Loki was pretty sure his jaw was hanging on the floor.

“Thor, is this really happening?” he asked, needing to make sure he hadn’t had some kind of sudden mental break.

“Yup.” The blond popped his ‘p’ as he responded, and Loki couldn’t take it anymore. He laughed, squeezing against Thor and grasping at his arm to hold him up.

“Oh. My. God!” Loki snickered. “I can’t believe your mom just told us to make sure we wrap it beforehand.” Loki threw his head back as he laughed. Really, he needed a distraction. “Oh, I need to sit down now,” he snickered, pulling on Thor’s arm to give him the hint. The hint being, I can’t get there on my own, now, so please help me into a chair. Thor moved them slowly over to the round table in his dad’s office and eased Loki down into one of the plush office chairs. Since it was Laufey’s private office, he’d furnished the table with plush, high backed rolling chairs. It made private meetings more comfortable and professional, and encouraged a working lunch, when needed.

“Are you OK?” Thor whispered in his ear, taking a seat next to him.

“Honey, if you ever need any condoms, you just let me know. Being safe is what’s important,” Farbauti directed at him. 

Loki leaned back into the chair. “Kill me now, please,” he moaned. Thor smirked as the other four came to sit at the table with them.

“Oh, and my poor Thor had to endure me teaching him how to use one right when I was baking. He was headed out the door for a date and I just whipped one out and rolled it right onto the rolling pin for him,” Frigga snickered. Everyone, save Thor burst out laughing. Loki took his hand.

“You just happened to have one on hand?” Odin asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her. Thor’s head was in his hands.

“I’m so sorry, Snugglepuff,” Loki pouted, rubbing Thor’s back. It was a rather tragic story. But the nickname he’d just uttered brought out another round of giggles from the parents. When Thor peeked up at him, Loki’s grin was heavy with mischief. Thor chuckled then, too.

“You’re lucky your parents are a little more reserved than mine,” Thor replied, and Loki had to bite his tongue, hard, to stop himself from saying something. It would really only be seen as encouragement. Laufey laughed next to them all the same.

“Oh, we’re all adults here,” Laufey winked, taking Farbauti’s hand and kissing the top of it. “Also, we’re your parents, so you’re stuck with us.” He cackled again.

“Well, should we lunch?” Farbauti asked, bringing everyone back on topic. Loki smiled to her, gratefully.

“That sounds lovely,” Loki agreed. Now that he was sitting, though, there was no way he was getting up right now. He looked over at Thor. “Would you be able to get my lunch for me?” he asked. “They should have something already set aside.” 

Thor nodded. “Yeah. I can grab a tray cart, as well, and I can bring back a bunch of trays at once,” he offered.

“Well, I’ll stay behind, baby,” Farbauti replied. “Can you get me something?” Farbauti asked, turning to Laufey.

“Of course, min kjære,” Laufey replied. Frigga aww’d next to them.

“Frigg, don’t start with this nicknames thing again,” Odin warned her.

“Mon bon con,” she whispered back. Odin rolled his eyes, looking a little red under the collar

“Dad?” Thor asked, getting up. “Can I get you something? Mom?”

“Oh, I’ll come with, dear,” Frigga stood with him. “You’ll keep Loki company, won’t you?” Frigga looked down at Odin.

“What? You don’t think I’m capable of getting my own lunch?” he griped. Frigga snickered above him.

“I’m sure you’re perfectly capable. I just thought you’d enjoy telling Loki about your new project,” she supplied. Odin’s eyes flashed in excitement.

“Oh, yeah,” he said. Giving Loki a big grin. “You’ll love this. I’ve been contracted by an illustration company to make architectural drawings of places from the old Norse myths,” he chattered excitedly.

***

The six of them sat around the round table in Laufey’s office. It was a nice space, and easy to talk, thanks to the shape of the table. Odin’s illustration project sounded really amazing. Loki wanted to follow up with him about it when he was finished with everything. Who even contacted him about it? It sounded like such a unique project. 

“So how much longer is the main recovery process?” Odin piped up, between a bite of the cobb salad Frigga had brought back for him. He’d balked at it in the beginning, but the more he ate it, the more he seemed to enjoy it.

Loki put down the bite of the chicken and rice soup the kitchen had prepared. It was soup and salad today and a few slices of bread with a side of grapes. The soup was really enjoyable. Whoever made the dishes for the hospital knew what they were about. “So, the first 100 days are over with, thankfully. The rest, I could have opted to recover in my own apartment. But after a lengthy debate, I was convinced to stay.” Loki took a bite of the salad. “Your son can be very persuasive,” Loki smirked, turning to stare over at Thor.

“If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll have none from me,” Thor replied, talking around the large bite of hamburger he’d taken. “This is as good a spot as any to recover.” Thor turned his own stare onto Loki, giving him a very pointed look. And it was a good look on him. Loki blushed as he looked down at his food.

“All told, though, it could be another four months, or it could be another seven months. It depends on my numbers and how good I’m feeling. They say the chronic fatigue should work itself out the more I recover, but it’s especially hard for me since I started with such a low cell count from my anemia.” Loki put his fork back down. “But today is a pretty good day,” he smiled. “I’m just a little sore from everything I did yesterday,” Loki chuckled. “My workout lasted a little longer than usual.” He gave them all a guilty little smile. 

“Exercise is good for you, though,” Laufey piped in. He’d also gotten a burger. It looked positively disgusting with the fat dripping down onto the plate. 

“Yes,” Loki replied. “I was happy I got in 30 minutes yesterday. Well, not all at once, but ten minute increments are pretty good for me,” he smiled.

“Just don’t overdo it,” Farbauti warned. She’d also gotten a cobb salad, and Frigga had gotten some meatloaf. An interesting choice.

“It’s good to break it out into intervals, though,” Odin told him. “Smart. That’s what I do for my DVT.” He shoveled a forkful of corn and chicken in his mouth.

“So is the doctor thinking you’ll be recovered closer to October or closer to January?” Frigga asked.

“I don’t know if Dr. Banner and I have really talked about it, but last we chatted, things were looking good. So, if I keep feeling better, maybe by November,” Loki crossed his fingers while Thor knocked on the wooden table. They all laughed, while Odin cleared his throat next to Loki.

“Maybe we should come visit you here for Thanksgiving, Thor,” his father brought up, not subtle at all. “I mean, I loved Christmas here, but it was a little cold,” he chuckled. “Thanksgiving might be nice in Chicago, though. What do you think?” Loki thought it was sweet, but he could see the overly-anxious look cross Thor’s face. Was it too soon to be thinking about holidays together?

“I think it’s June, and we have time to discuss it later,” he smiled. Loki laughed at Thor’s poor attempts to silently communicate to his dad to drop it.

“Alright, alright,” Odin put his hands up in surrender. “You want to discuss it alone first, I understand,” he appeased as Thor took another, angrier bite of his burger. 

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving this year?” Loki asked his parents, watching Thor almost choke on that bite of burger. He grinned over at him with a mischievous smile on his face.

“Hmm,” Farbauti took a drink of water. “The usual. We’ll have the whole house cleaned, then invite all of your aunts and uncles and cousins and see who shows up. And if you father’s feeling particularly adventurous, we’ll cook some steaks on the grill.” Loki nodded. All his other family was dead, and it was a tradition his parents liked to honor on thanksgiving to hold a seance and invite the family.

“That sounds fun,” Thor smiled as the three of them tried to hold back on the joke. Eventually Loki broke down.

“The rest of the family has passed on,” Loki replied, finishing off his lunch. Only the grapes were left, and those were portable.

“Oh,” Thor replied. Loki’s family was usually more private, though. His father hosted a Christmas party for the hospital staff, because they deserved to have fun after a hard year, and then held a fundraising gala with the board, but other than that, they didn’t really host big events at the house, unless they were for charity. 

“It’s mostly just us sitting around, waiting for the ghosts to show up,” Loki stated, popping a grape in his mouth. Thor stared at him, mid-bite, trying to decide if he was joking.

“Thor, chew with your mouth closed,” Frigga admonished him. He winked at Thor when his mouth closed back up again.

“I’m really not joking,” Loki replied. “You should see the cemetery in the backyard.”

“OK, now that’s not true,” Laufey piped up. “There’s no cemetery full of dead relatives. That would just be weird.”

“There’s a pet graveyard,” Loki protested. The fact that it had been there when they moved in didn’t mean anything. Farbauti laughed.

“Alright, that’s true. Although, I have no idea whose pets those are, because you certainly didn’t have any but Boris,” Loki sighed happily, eating another grape. 

Everyone was pretty much finished with lunch at that point as Loki asked, “How is Boris?” He was getting up there in years.

“He’s doing well. Misses you.” Laufey replied.

“Boris is my pet cat,” Loki told Frigga and Odin.

“Excuse you, he’s my baby,” Farbauti protested. Loki sighed.

“Fine, he’s your baby, but I picked him out,” he conceded.

“And how’s Vanaheim Plants?” Loki asked, looking over at Frigga. He’d been hoping she’d have more photos to share that he hadn’t gotten via texts.

“Oh, my goodness, it’s just as busy as ever!” Frigga clapped, pulling out her phone. “Just wait until you see this beautiful specimen I got in. I think you’ll be extremely impressed.”

***

It was another two hours before they broke apart. As comfortable as the chairs were, Loki needed to be up and moving a little, exercise a bit, then probably lie down. They all did laps with him, saying hi to the nurses they knew. For Thor, that was a majority of the staff. The two of them got quite a few catcalls as they went around, and Evelyn made them take a photo on Thor’s phone to send to her. It was extremely sweet and incredibly embarrassing. Loki blushed a lot of the time, and Thor would kiss his cheek in response. He taunted Thor that he took pride in getting him all flustered. Thor agreed and went to nuzzle Loki’s neck a little, making him more flustered than before, totally not accomplishing his goal of making Thor flustered. 

Eventually he tired, though, and they needed to head back to the room. He gave a quick goodbye to everyone as Thor “helped” him into the bed.

“We’ll come back in again before we go, if that’s alright,” Frigga replied. Thor pulled his heavy blanket up over him, smiling as Loki shivered. The blanket was still the next best thing to having Thor’s weight caging him in. Thor gave him a kiss and stood to leave with his parents.

“Of course! I’d love to see you both again before you go.” He smiled, glad he’d gotten all dressed up for the day and glad it had turned out so well. This was the most activity that he’d done in a little while, and it made him happy that life was starting to take this turn towards normal again. 

“We’ll text,” Odin winked at him. 

“Thank you so much for coming.” His parents each came over and hugged him goodbye. Then everyone was at the door, hugging each other and exchanging information. Loki chuckled, knowing their parents would get up to scheming with each other soon enough. He waved goodbye as they left the room and burrowed further under the blankets. He was definitely ready for a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> min kjære = my dear  
> mon bon con = my good cock
> 
> I had SUCH a time deciding how they looked in this scene. Like...I spent almost an entire night looking at photos for what I wanted instead of writing, lol! ;) So, here's the inspiration photos for their looks:
> 
> Thor:  
> Hair: [Inspo 1](https://goo.gl/images/YCMc2W), [Inspo 2](https://goo.gl/images/cUJVpW). The black and white photo is the main inspo. I'm still amazed at that beautiful braiding. But include the bun (without the circle braid surrounding it), as well. Also, the braid on the sides is shown in the non-b&w photo in the first inspo photo. :)  
> Clothes: [Original Inspo](https://goo.gl/images/WjLoCg). This originally inspired Thor's look but I went with blue pants instead of shorts, no scarf, and a short sleeve cardigan instead of a long sleeve one. Also, white tshirt instead of striped. So, then I had to make sure a short sleeve cardigan would look good, so I found this other [inspo photo](https://goo.gl/images/YdzuKF) as well. 
> 
> Loki:  
> [Makeup](https://pin.it/uh22l2g4gqrwff) (I did have a google image link for this one, but it's not working and I can't get the share button to work on google images right now, so a pinterest link it is. :P  
> [Hair](https://goo.gl/images/xiMWZo)  
> [Clothes](https://goo.gl/images/3UMaAG) This is the basic look Loki was wearing, but I didn't like the belt, so I found a new one. >:) ;)  
> [Belt](https://goo.gl/images/rkex1L)
> 
> [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ktspree13) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ktspree13) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/ktspree13)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been TOO LONG!!! I hope y'all are still with me. ;) I've been very very busy with the holidays. Lots of family in, lots of parties and other obligations on the docket. Then work got crazy and I wanted to die. And now it's over with and I'm just flying high enjoying the feeling of being a little bit free. This chapter has been sitting with me all week, done, but needing final edits. I finally had time to finish it for publishing. Enjoy everyone!!! I really hope you like this one. ;) It was fun to write.

Loki walked into Tony’s room. It was a warm, clear night out, and he was itching for some late night company. Loki knew Tony’s schedule by now, and thought it was high time they had a chat. “What made you come here?” Loki asked him, running his fingers over the rough wood of the door before closing it behind him. He’d brought a portable chess set with him, hoping for a game. The board wasn’t anything special, but he’d made all the pieces himself. He even had a vintage turn clock with him. It looked like two gilded metal clocks leaning into each other, a beautiful masterpiece. Tony was sitting at a little table in the room, furiously writing things down in a notebook. When the door clicked closed, he looked up at Loki.

“What do you mean?” Tony asked, setting the pen down and stretching himself out at the table. “And by all means… ‘Hello Tony!’ ‘Oh, hey Loki. Why don’t you come in?’ ‘Oh, why thank you. Should I close the door?’ ‘Only if you want to keep things private.’” Loki flushed at his teasing. Maybe he’d been a little rude, but he thought he’d spent enough time around the brunet to be a little less formal, to simply ask what was on his mind instead of going though the whole rigmarole of social niceties.

“Stop deflecting. I mean, how did things get so bad that you ended up in here for a month?” Loki asked. He placed the chess set and timer down on the table, watching Tony eye it with interest.

“You assumed I knew how to play?” Tony asked, watching Loki meticulously set the clock down just so before starting to unfold and arrange the board.

“Oh, please. Every trust fund kid was forced to learn,” Loki quipped. He was slowly edging Tony’s notebooks and research out of the way, not-so-subtly hinting that it was time to take a break. The older man laughed, reaching out a hand to set up the pieces on his side. “Oh,” Loki paused. Tony paused his hand as well.

“Oh. Would you rather set them up?” Tony asked, waiting. Loki chewed on his lip, debating on what to do, but ultimately decided not to chance it.

“Yeah, let me set it all up, then we can start,” Loki blushed.

“Yeah, no problem.” Loki smoothed out his pants for a moment before returning to his task, glad of Tony’s flexibility. “Gives me a chance to clean things up here,” Tony smirked, picking up his notebooks and loose papers. The pens and pencils went into the pile as well as the older man moved them over onto the bed. “You’re lucky I was finished with my thoughts as you came in the door.” Loki placed the last of the black pieces down with a sigh.

“Tony,” he chided. “Is it really so terrible to talk to me about it?” If it was too much he’d back off. But he was starting to care a lot for Tony and wanted to talk about something a little more serious than usual, about things that mattered to them both.

“Look,” Tony turned to him and Loki couldn’t entirely place the look on his face. He seemed scared, but that didn’t seem right… “We’ll play a game, how about that? Each round we’ll switch off. I get a question to ask you, you get a question to ask me. The other person has to answer truthfully. And if it’s too uncomfortable, you can pass.” Tony sat back down at the table and crossed his arms over his chest as his foot bounced on the floor. He still seemed on the defensive, but a little less so now that he could hide behind a game.

“That’s acceptable,” Loki told him, setting up the final pieces. If this was what made it comfortable for Tony, he could play a game “Do you care to start?” Loki asked, sitting back, now.

“I’d love to,” Tony said, picking up a pawn and moving it forward two spaces before hitting his side of the timer. “Now…….is Thor’s dick really as large as I imagine it to be?” Tony asked. Always the joker. Loki laughed.

“Honestly? It’s probably bigger,” he winked, moving his own piece. Tony laughed, as well. He had met Thor a few times, and, while it wasn’t the easiest of relationships, they got along alright. Thor liked Tony, for the most part, and liked that he made Loki happy when they hung out. Tony brought something to his life that he’d been missing for a little while, and Loki hadn’t even realized it. He hit his timer, indicating Tony’s turn. “I’m going with my original question. What made you come here?” Loki asked, staring pointedly at Tony. If he passed on this question, Loki wasn’t sure Tony would ever feel comfortable enough around him.

“Well, I’m not entirely sure,” Tony replied. “Which is part of the reason why I’ve been here so long.” Tony moved another pawn and hit the timer. “Essentially, I got...a little too focused on my project, stopped sleeping, or slept infrequently in the lab, got obsessed over the project results, starting getting jumpy and paranoid of everyone working with me, and finally, started raving like a mad man to Pepper. She came all the way to New York to drag my butt out of the lab, then forced me to sleep for the next two days before talking to me about checking into a psych ward…” Tony scratched at his beard. “But you didn’t hear that from me,” he added. 

He was looking around the room, and Loki assumed, had he not been in the hospital, Tony likely would have had a drink in his hand and been gulping down some hard liquor right about now. So Loki took a page out of Tony’s book and ignored the heavy stuff. Being let in on what went down was enough. Tony didn’t need his platitudes, or his sympathy. He’d needed to be here, and he was getting the help he needed. Loki was glad of it, and even more grateful for Pepper Potts. He nodded and moved another pawn, hitting the timer.

“So, Loki, what’s up with the bone marrow transplant? You got cancer or what?” Tony put his question out there. Loki’s heart beat painfully. He could understand why Tony avoided these conversations. The older man must have been waiting for his own opportunity to ask about it, as he hadn’t said anything since the first night they’d met. It was silent for a moment before Tony moved his knight and hit the timer. “Oh, fuck this,” Tony grumbled, putting Loki more at ease. Loki leaned back in his chair. “I need a drink.” The brunet stood, going to the sink and filling up a cup of water as Loki laughed.

“If you have an extra cup, I’d love some water, as well.” Loki cleared his throat. “And I don’t have cancer,” he smirked. “I have aplastic anemia, and a bone marrow transplant was the best solution.” Tony came back with two cups of water, taking a sip out of one as he handed the other over.

“If we were back at my place, I’d offer you a nice scotch,” Tony replied. Loki smirked. “How’s things after the transplant?”

“Ah ah,” Loki teased. “You already asked your question.” He stuck his tongue out and moved another piece on the board, hitting the timer. “I’ll be nice and answer anyways, but only because I like you.” Loki took his own sip of water before responding. “Things are going really well for me, physically. Well, lately. It was touch and go for a little while. But once I made it through the isolation period, I started feeling more and more myself.” Loki smiled, feeling so lucky that this was true. “The mental hurdles have been harder to overcome. And the fatigue is still lingering around. But other than that, things seem to be improving well.” Tony nodded, moving a piece and hitting the timer. They were assessing each other. Feeling each other out in relation to the game.

“Well, that’s a relief. I’d hate to spend all this time getting to know you to have you die on me,” Tony winked, taking another sip from his glass. Loki rolled his eyes at his antics. Tony really had a deeply ingrained defense mechanism. But deep down, his heart clenched a little more. It hadn’t been so long ago that he’d felt the exact same thing about himself, about getting close to people. “And I suppose it’s only fair that you get two questions, now, as well,” Tony prattled on, taking another sip from his glass. Loki was supposed to be saying something. Moving a chess piece. Something… Instead he stared off, thinking of how worried everyone had been even a month ago. How relieved his parents had looked when he’d come to lunch wearing some of his normal clothes. Tony was still waiting for him to respond and it took Loki a few more moments before he came back to the game. He moved a rook and hit the timer, focusing back on his drink.

“Umm…” Loki bit his lip before taking a drink of the water. He needed something to do. The mood in the room had suddenly shifted for him and he felt weird. He was being weird. The cup clattered on the table, making Tony jump and look up at him as he stood up. Loki took a deep breath in, staring down at the chessboard

“Hey, you alright?” Tony asked, looking back to the board and moving his own rook, pressing the timer. Loki paced over to the door. Should he leave? He looked back over at Tony, twisting the hem of his shirt in his hands. It was one of Thor’s t-shirts he’d commandeered. He crossed back over to the table, feeling the chaos in his mind starting to swirl.

“I don’t know,” he mumbled. He hated being this honest, especially around Tony, but he felt he owed the man his honesty. It was Tony’s first time experiencing Loki like this, and he felt even more out of sorts, now. Loki picked up the water glass and crossed back to the door. Leaving was probably a good idea, but he didn’t want to. And that was his chessboard. He couldn’t just leave it here.

“What did you get to eat today?” Tony asked. Loki turned around again to face him. He was surveying the chess board, appearing not to notice anything amiss, and it threw the younger man for a moment.

“What?” he replied, starting to grip the water glass tighter.

“Food,” Tony explained. “You’ve been here longer than me. Is there a special menu I can get on? What’s good here?” he asked, stretching back in the chair and looking over at Loki now. Loki took a deep breath and kept his gaze on Tony. His question gave him something to focus on and he paced around the room for a minute.

“There’s no special menu,” Loki revealed, tapping his fingers along the glass. “Sorry...to disappoint,” he chuckled, taking another drink of the water. “What do you like to eat?” he countered. His pacing had gotten closer and closer to the table as he thought about the food he’d had at the hospital. “The salmon was good.” Loki came over and moved one of his bishops to capture Tony’s rook and hit the timer again. “I like the soup.” He went back to his pacing, but it was slowing down as he spoke about the food at the hospital.

“What soup?” Tony asked, cursing the loss of his rook.

“Any soup. I don’t know. They’re all good,” Loki replied. He could feel the restlessness slip from him as he came to a stop in front of his chair.

“I don’t like mushrooms,” Tony told him. “What’s good without mushrooms?” he asked. Loki rolled his eyes, gripping the back of the hard plastic before making the decision that he would sit down again. He sat.

“Honestly, there’s nothing stopping you from getting someone to bring you food from outside the hospital, if you don’t like it here.” Loki took another deep breath and set down his water. The anxious feelings were dying down as he thought about it. “You should have a date night with Pepper. Bring in some Indian food from Jaipur on Randolph. Worth it,” he smiled. That restaurant was amazing and Loki couldn’t wait to go there with Thor.

“Can you not do the same?” Tony asked, finally making his move and hitting the timer. Loki hummed.

“Not really. It’s a little too soon, I think, to be eating outside food. There’s a lot of potential for contaminants or germs spreading to me. Things that a normal body can handle without a problem, but would be a struggle for someone with a compromised immune system,” he explained. Tony’s face blanched, looking wary about eating out, and Loki chuckled. “Seriously, I couldn’t even have plants in my room. It’s the everyday stuff that floats around in the world that I have to be careful about until I’m back in full fighting strength.” Loki moved his bishop again, taking one of Tony’s pawns, then tipped the timer.

“Alright,” Tony smirked. “And the food here isn’t bad. I just wanted to know what was really good.” Tony moved his knight again, capturing one of Loki’s pawns. “No need to waste my time on mediocre,” he replied, tipping the timer in Loki’s direction.

“Well, Natasha knows what’s what. She’ll steer you in the right food direction, if you ask her,” Loki smirked. He’d gotten to know Natasha a lot better since his mini-freak out, and he was glad to know the woman. She was fierce and extremely efficient at her job. He’d learned that Thor had introduced Natasha to Sif and the two had been co-teaching a self-defense class in their spare time. Loki was extremely interested in joining them when he got out of the hospital.

“She scares me. Are you sure she’s human?” Tony asked. Loki made a move on the board, taking another of Tony’s pieces, then tipped the timer again.

“She’s not a terminator,” Loki replied.

“You said it.” Tony moved another piece, taking one of Loki’s pawns.

“Alright, alright,” Loki groaned, rolling his eyes again. “It’s my turn for questions.” Tony laughed. “What’s the single best day on the calendar?” Loki moved another pawn.

“My birthday. May 29th, by the way.” Tony replied, instantly, moving his own piece. “Next?” Loki laughed and shook his head. Tony was starting to rival Darcy for the level of quick-witted snarky banter they could deliver. He was afraid what would happen if they were ever in the same room.

“Alright, what’s one job you’d be terrible at?” Loki asked, taking his turn and tipping the antique timer.

“Oh, I see,” Tony remarked, taking his own turn. “Need to take me down a peg. Ok, ok, fair.” Tony took a drink of water and put the glass down. “I’d be terrible at Thor’s job. Taking care of people? Being patient? Helping others? Being understanding? Playing with children? I’m terrible at all those things. I couldn’t do what Wonder Boy does,” Tony winked. So he’d heard Thor’s nickname. Loki laughed.

“He definitely earns the nickname,” Loki smiled to himself. Thor really was made for the job he had. Loki couldn’t imagine a better profession for his giant teddy bear of a man.

“Alright, so tell me...secret to a good relationship. Because I’m bound to screw up with Pepper sooner than later.” Tony moved his other knight into play and pressed the timer.

“Ahhh…” Loki tilted his head back and exhaled. “I don’t know...honesty? Listening to the other person? Nice surprises?? Haven’t you been seeing Pepper for longer than I’ve been with Thor?” Loki chuckled. He moved his rook into play, preparing to capture Tony’s new knight.

“Yes, and I’ve learned it involves a lot more compromising than I was anticipating,” Tony joked. He moved his knight out of the way and as Loki captured it with his bishop instead, Tony swooped back in with his own bishop and took Loki’s piece. Loki pouted. He should have seen that coming.

“Are you moving to Chicago?” Loki asked. It was his turn, and he was curious. Would he continue to see Tony after he got out of the hospital? Would he steal Ms. Potts away from them and whisk her away to a glamorous New York life?

“I don’t know,” Tony replied, grabbing up his glass. “I’ve lived in a lot of different places,” he admitted. “There’s a lot of family houses and money sitting around,” Tony shrugged. “But Chicago’s never been a place I’ve called home.” Loki hummed, listening to Tony talk about potential futures. “Pepper and I have had a few talks about it. Both our jobs are important, neither are portable. I couldn’t imagine working virtually. I couldn’t give up that much control of my operations. So, it would be considering moving things to Chicago. Because it would be too much to fly out all the time.” Loki nodded. It made sense. But uprooting an entire company seemed like a huge endeavour.

“Isn’t it hard to move like that?” Loki asked, curious. Tony shrugged.

“It’s not too hard. I already have my operations split between New York and California. I could choose to open a third location, or potentially close down one of the others,” Tony said. Loki was surprised. Moving large operations like Stark Industries seemed monumental to him. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. It would be major to move. But it’s no different than moving homes. Pack it, ship it, set it up.” Tony shrugged again, finishing the water in his glass. “You want some more to drink?” Tony got up to refill his glass and Loki finished what was in his own before holding it up for a refill.

They played two rounds of chess before Loki had to pack it in for the night, laughing and joking and asking crazy questions about each other. They’d each won a round, but it had been more fun to learn Tony’s spirit animal was a butterfly, and if he had to pick between never eating pizza again or never eating a bagel again, the bagel would win every time. He’d never give them up no matter how long he lived. Loki talked about a surprise he was planning for Thor and revealed his own spirit animal was, specifically, a black cat. Because black cats were obviously the best cats. Tony was fast becoming a good friend, and Loki was glad to have met him. Eventually, Tony asked about the mini-freakout he’d had. They put the chess set away, along with the fancy antique timer, and Loki talked a little about what went on, and said Tony was good at the distracting thing. It had helped him get out of his own mind, and Loki was incredibly grateful for that.

***

“SURPRISE!” Loki shouted into the phone.

“...what?” was the bleary reply from Thor. His heart thumped harshly in his chest, worried this was going to backfire.

“Surprise!” he tried again, a bit of a manic tone to his voice. “It’s spa day,” Loki laughed, awkwardly. ‘ _ Say something, Thor…’ _ he fretted to himself.

“What?” Thor at least sounded a little more awake.

“S-spa day,” he replied, listening to Thor rustling his covers on the other end of the line.

“What day is it?” He was starting to find it a little cute how out of it Thor was, and Loki smiled to himself.

“It’s Monday. You have today off. Come play with me. I have a whole thing planned for us.” He listened as Thor cleared his throat and rubbed a hand over his face, breathing heavily into the phone speaker. He gave him thirty more seconds before piping up again. “OK?” It sounded like Thor had just placed the phone down and he could hear him blowing his nose on the other end. For a brief second, he worried Thor was sick, but this was part of Thor’s morning ritual that he’d forgotten about.

“It’s Monday, at 9 am. I don’t know what spa day is, but I’m in, if you’ve planned something for me. Should I pack an overnight bag?” And now he was in Marine mode. Discover objective, plan, accomplish. Loki leaned back on the bed and had to hold in his laughter.

“Yes, spa day means hair and nails, and I booked us a couples massage, so, yeah… I mean, yes? I want you to stay…” Thor chuckled on the other end.

“You’re OK with a massage?” The bed creaked as Thor stood up and Loki blushed as he listened to him rooting around in his closet.

“I’ve known the guy for a long time, so, it doesn’t bother me anymore.” Loki chewed his lip. En Dwi Gast was his long-standing masseuse. Someone he’d taken the time to get comfortable with. He was the master, at least in terms of Chicago masseurs, and Loki had been going to him for years now, on and off, when he wanted pampering. Occasionally he threw his shoulder out from getting a little too into his work, but an hour on En Dwi’s table and he was good as new, usually. He was a magician. 

The only downside was the surly receptionist of his. Well, receptionist turned masseuse. The burly woman had actually gone and gotten a massage license. She hated everyone, and if she wasn’t so annoyingly efficient, he assumed she would have been excused a long time ago. Then again, En Dwi seemed to have a soft spot for the woman, so perhaps not... But he’d made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that Topaz was not to be involved in this massage. Unfortunately, the man was unpredictable, and Loki figured it was a 50/50 chance he’d actually follow his request.

Thor cleared his throat on the other end. “You still there?” he asked.

“Yeah.” Loki blinked. “Now, it’s spa day, so it’s all about relaxing and getting pampered. So, wear something comfy and think about what you want my mom to do with your hair and nails, OK?” He could hear Thor fiddling with some hangers on the other end and Loki let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding about springing this surprise on Thor.

“Okie Doki Loki,” Thor laughed, the sound of Thor’s leather overnight bag sliding off his top shelf filtering into his ear.

“Haha,” he quipped back, shaking his head. 

***

Loki read his Vogue magazine as Thor and Farbauti stood over him, talking about braiding techniques and hair care products.

“These kinds of basket weave braids are really hard to do on men’s hair, but if you have enough to work with, they look really cool,” Thor said, picking at more of Loki’s hair as he showed off another technique to his mother. He was sitting in a styling chair again, tapping his foot along to the music he had going. Right now *repeat repeat was singing ‘Girlfriend,’ and he was feeling good. He never would have predicted just how well Thor got along with his mother, but it made him happy. As the beat tapped out on the song, Loki’s foot tapped out against the counter. 

“Sorry,” Thor smiled, dropping Loki’s hair and moving to sit down next to him. “I get a little carried away sometimes, and I know I’m here to be ‘pampered.’” He’d used air quotes. Loki smirked and rolled his eyes.

“Dear, if you’re having fun, you’re being pampered. Don’t feel like you have to fit into any kind of definition. And to be serious for a moment, if you ever wanted to do a little wedding styling on the side, you could easily fill up some weekends doing men’s hair at my salon.” Farbauti washed her hands in the sink and walked back over to Thor. “Now, what do we do with you?” she asked Thor. “Do you want a trim? Cut it all off and donate it to charity? Or just a little styling?” Loki’s heart beat faster, imagining Thor cutting off all his hair. On one hand, it’d be super hot. On the other hand, he didn’t want him to do it…

“Maybe just a trim,” Thor replied. He fluffed his hair a bit, turning this way and that. The man was really missing out on a modeling career.

“You should try a mullet,” he joked, almost regretting saying anything.

“Really? You think that would look good?” Thor’s hand touched the top of one of his, drawing a heart on the top. Loki smiled.

“No. Please don’t. I do think you’d look hot with short hair, but I don’t know if I’m ready for you to chop off all your pretty locks…” He drew a heart on Thor’s hand in return.

“I’m not ready to say goodbye to them, either,” Thor chuckled. “I’ll show you photos from my time in the Marines. That should settle your interest for now.” Loki laughed, as his mother started pulling out her tools and spraying Thor’s hair down.

“Well, a trim will do you some good. These poor split ends need some TLC.” Loki went back to his magazine.

“I think I just want a nice style for my hair, Mor,” he replied, looking at a cool style on one of the models.

“Alright,” she smiled, touching her thumb to his chin briefly before getting back to Thor’s hair.

***

“You should make them look like they’re tipped in blood,” Loki smiled, showing Thor the picture on his phone.

“That’s not at all appropriate for a hospital,” Thor pouted. “But very cool for Halloween.” Loki rolled his eyes. “Honestly, I wash my hands so much on my shift it’s really a waste to paint them with any kind of complicated style.”

“Just a cleanup, file, and buff, then,” Farbauti smiled, setting the two of them side by side at a table. Her tools were laid out in front of them, and Loki’s hands were already soaking. He chose a design that looked like fishnet stockings on his nails and sat back.

He’d been rather disappointed when Darcy hadn’t made it in to see him last month. He’d never gotten his fun pride nails. But something was going on with Darcy’s mom and she’d been out of town for almost an entire month. He hadn’t even heard from her except for the call she’d made to Thor and some brief text updates. A photo of her eating at Legal Seafoods in downtown Boston, her and her mom sitting in a theater, an update that Ian was taking care of the business for now and she was sorry. Ian still wasn’t up to Darcy’s standards, but Loki liked him alright. A bit too practical at times. Not enough vision. But still good at his job.

“Are you OK?” Thor asked, watching Loki sigh next to him.

“A beautiful specimen like you deserves Rocky Horror nails,” he lamented. “Why does life have to get in the way of that? It’s not fair to anyone.” Thor laughed, starting to soak his own nails.

“How about we do Rocky and Dr. Frank-N-Furter for Halloween?” Thor asked, smirking over at him. Loki’s mouth dropped open.

“Yes,” he agreed, immediately, not even needing to think about it. Farbauti laughed at the two of them and took one of Thor’s hands, starting to clean his cuticles.

“So, do you plan to scare the children who come to the door?” she teased.

“Oh, but I look so pretty in lingerie,” Loki grinned, winking as Thor cleared his throat. The blond shifted a little in his seat, seeming a little uncomfortable after that revelation and Loki cursed himself for not bringing any of it with him. Why hadn’t he anticipated meeting the love of his life here and needing his fancy lingerie? I mean...yes, he had a couple things here, but nothing special. He’d need to text Darcy to raid his things when she got back. 

Farbauti put Thor’s left hand back in the water, going to grab the right. “Do you have Thanksgiving plans, Thor?” she asked. Oh, very subtle. 

Thor laughed. “I’m not sure I worked anything out with my folks yet, but they were still talking about coming down here to visit.” His mother nodded back.

“Well, I just wanted to extend an invitation to all of you. If Loki’s in the hospital still, we’ll be here, but if you’re out by Thanksgiving, elskling, we want you surrounded by all the friends and loved ones you want.” Farbauti smiled at both of them, looking a little torn up at the thought of him home.

“We’ll see, mom,” Loki interjected, bugging his eyes out at her. He hadn’t spoken to Thor any more about it, because it seemed so far away. Yet here it was again, brought up in his face. Probably because it would be the first holiday he might potentially attend outside the hospital. And it’s not that he didn’t appreciate his parents extending the offer, but he didn’t want to pressure Thor into feeling obligated or something. 

Was it too soon to do holidays together? He glanced over at Thor. When was too soon? Did he miss it as he was laid up in bed all these months? Ugh! Things were so screwed up, relationship wise, because the situation just wasn’t normal. Who else had a suite of rooms at a hospital? Who else would spend so much time living in one while dating someone? Well, OK, probably lots of people, but still…how many of those were brand new relationships? He sucked in a deep breath. Calm. He needed to calm down. When he glanced over at Thor again, the larger man leaned over and placed a kiss on his shoulder.

“You’re thinking an awful lot over there,” Thor smiled. Loki blushed, feeling vulnerable and caught out.

“Yes, well…” he swallowed.

“I love you,” Thor whispered, straightening up again. “And I love this day of pampering,” he winked at Farbauti. “And I can’t believe we’re getting massages,” Thor babbled on, “and I’d love to come to Thanksgiving.” 

He dropped that bomb like it was nothing, and now Loki’s heart was beating hard and fast in his chest, freaking out if it was the right thing to do. He swallowed again, his mouth feeling dry all of a sudden. How could he take Thor away from his friends and family? He probably had his own traditions and stuff. And it was July, for gods’ sakes!! They shouldn’t have to make this decision now… He bit his lip and took another few breaths in. The urge to get up and wash his hands, or clean the room, or organize his things was getting a little stronger right now, and it wasn’t helpful in the least.

“Well, I’m sure Thor has his own traditions and friends he wants to spend time with and all that,” Loki choked out, starting to tap his fingers in a discernable pattern in the little nail dish. One finger, two fingers, four fingers, three fingers, thumb. Repeat. The plastic dish rocked with each movement, sloshing the cloudy water inside. “So, we really should talk about it…”

“I’m pretty flexible,” Thor chimed in, not calming Loki’s mind in the least. It wasn’t what he needed to hear right then, and his hands shook as he toweled them off and stood up, stalking over to the mini-fridge in the spare room. Loki chugged half a bottle of water, counting out his breaths and running through his exercises from Eir. He wanted to control the situation, make sure everything was right with Thor, make sure his parents really wanted a large Thanksgiving. It would be new for everyone involved. Would Thor make fun of their traditions? Would people they invited be weirded out by a seance? Because it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without it, and he didn’t want anyone to ruin that.

“What do you want, Laufeyson?” he berated himself, leaning against the small fridge for a moment. He took a deep breath, then ran through one more exercise before finishing off the water and walking back out to the little nail station his mother had set up. Thor looked...mostly calm...which wasn’t anything new. 

“You oka—”

“We literally have a seance on Thanksgiving,” Loki blurted, interrupting Thor. “Legit, invite a medium over and hold a seance.” His hands twitched, wishing for something to do, and he was tempted to go clean up the area around the hospital bed. “And it’s not Thanksgiving without that,” he stressed, playing with the hem of his shirt instead. His mother was silently working on Thor’s nails as he worked through what he needed to say, and he appreciated that. She knew his habits by now and knew he needed to get out whatever it was he planned to say before she said anything more.

“Loki, I want to be with you. You matter to me more than what Sif and Fandral want to do. More than what my Marine brothers would invite me to. More, even, than my parents’ plans for the holiday. A seance isn’t going to keep me from spending—” Loki balled his fists up, starting to shake a little.

“That isn’t the point!” he stomped his foot.

“Elskling,” his mother murmured, squaring off Thor’s nails with her file. He took a breath in and held it a few seconds before closing his eyes and exhaling, loudly. He continued on a little calmer.

“I mean, I know you want to be with me, but I don’t want you to do things just because I’m there and I want to do them. I want you to want to be there.” He dragged his hands through his hair, trying to put himself together. This pampering thing was falling to pieces. “If a seance is going to weird you out, you shouldn’t make yourself do it. And if it sounds more fun to travel back to your hometown and do what you usually do, that’s what you should do! Because life doesn’t revolve around me and my interests and traditions and wants. And it certainly shouldn’t revolve around my illnesses.” He sighed, feeling drained, as he decided to lie on the floor. The linoleum was cool underneath him, calming his nerves with the sudden change in temperature. He looked up at Thor.

The big blond looked so betrayed above him, and he worried he’d bungled everything up again. Thor turned away from him then, and his mother continued to file and buff. “I just wanted you to know, your father and I talked about this,” his mother revealed, “and if it’s your first holiday after you get out of here, we want to celebrate it with the people who matter most to us and to you. So, we wanted to invite Thor and his family, friends you wanted to invite, friends we wanted to invite…” She switched hands, working to perfectly shape Thor’s nails and buff them to a beautiful, glossy shine. “And if you’d prefer to keep it family only, that’s fine, too. We can also do the seance early and it could still be just the three of us, if we don’t want to subject our guests to it. I know now that it’s an important tradition to you, and I don’t want to ignore that.” Loki tapped his fingers along the floor, thinking, waiting for Thor’s response, and worrying he’d ruined Thor’s luxurious, care-free day.

“Loki.” Thor spoke, very quietly, staring, not at him, but at Farbauti’s work on his hands. “Your Thanksgiving sounds interesting to me, personally, not just because you’ll be there, but because I find you and your whole family very interesting. I want to spend time with you, not because things revolve around you, but because I want to get to know you all better.” Loki let out a deep sigh of relief, finally feeling like Thor was understanding his fears a little bit. “Can you trust that I will choose what’s best for me?” It was a big concession, trusting that Thor would always make the choices that were right for him. It was giving up a lot of control and agreeing not to stress over the decisions he’d make. He paused his tapping, thinking about it.

“If you agree to communicate and not hide things,” he replied. Thor looked over at him, finally, a little bit of the easy, earlier light returning to his eyes.

“Can you trust that I will choose what’s best for me and communicate about my own decisions?” he rephrased. Loki smiled, pressing his cheek into the cold linoleum before pushing up into a sitting position and taking a deep breath.

“I think I can agree to that.” Loki got up and walked over to Thor, hugging him from behind and resting his cheek on the top of Thor’s head. “I guess we’re having a big Thanksgiving this year,” Loki smirked. It felt like a lot of unnecessary drama, now, but he’d needed to say what he’d said, and he felt heard in return.

“I don’t know, I might want to go back to Virginia, now,” Thor replied. Loki startled and moved to sit next to Thor again, needing to see his face. But the moment they made eye contact, Thor burst out laughing. Loki tried to hide his smile as he rolled his eyes.

“Fine. I’m sure Darcy and Amora will be fine without you. I’ll be sure to invite all your friends, too, just to really rub it in,” he mock-pouted. His mother laughed, watching them tease each other.

“Well, I, for one, am just praying for your continued recovery, elskling, and all I want is for you to be well enough to be home for Thanksgiving. That’s all I need.” She finished with Thor’s nails and placed a hot towel over his hands before wheeling her chair over in front of Loki. “Are you ready?” she smiled, holding her hands out to him.

***

“Lolo!” an overly-familiar voice called out to him as Topaz walked into the room carrying two massage tables and looking her regular old grumpy-cat self. En Dwi wasn’t far behind her as Loki folded an arm against his body and placed his other hand over his face. Thor stood next to him, clueless about what was going on. When the older gentleman strolled through the door, he glared over at him.

“I thought I was clear over the phone,” he hissed, as Topaz set up the tables out of earshot.

“Oh, honey, my little darling,” En Dwi wrapped him in a hug as Loki scowled. “Of course. Manda is right behind me, I promise.” Loki shook him off when the hair petting started. He could only tolerate so much. “There’s...well, there’s no way,” En Dwi crooked a finger towards Topaz, setting everything up. “There’s no way I could carry all that,” he smiled, giving Loki a wink. “So you’ll have to excuse Topaz. I know she’s not to everyone’s taste.” En Dwi sighed and pulled Thor in for his own hug, surprising the massive blond. “You must be Thor.”

Loki laughed, watching Thor’s confused face as it was pressed down against the elder’s chest, his long fingers massaging against Thor’s scalp. “Thor, this is my masseuse,” Loki chuckled. “I’ve known En Dwi for years, now. He’s got a great practice not too far from my loft.” Thor patted the man’s back gently in return. Still looking a little unsure about what was going on.

“It’s nice to meet you?” Thor mumbled against the light fabric of En Dwi’s shirt.

“Lolo didn’t tell me you were so large, honey,” the elder released him, taking a step back to appraise the blond. “Are you sure it’s a no-no for Topaz? Her grabby man hands would be perfect for a bear this size. You have me nervous Manda won’t bring enough strength for this one,” En Dwi tutted.

“I’m sure,” Loki deadpanned. Thor was big, but he didn’t deserve that kind of torture.

“Well good,” the elder circled around Thor. “Good. I’d hate for you to be disappointed with my services,” he pouted, crossing his arms. “And anyways, Topaz has such a great gift for you both today. She’ll be staying to play some singing bowls while we all relax. Oh….you’ll just love it, I promise,” he smiled, winking at them again. Loki groaned.

“Yeah, we’re all real happy about it,” Topaz grumbled from the other side of the room.

***

Loki laid on the table, blissed out as En Dwi worked all the knots out of his muscles. Not even the discordant sounds from the singing bowls contrasting with the soft crooning of “Love is in the Air” from En Dwi could pull him from his intense feeling of calm. Thor groaned next to him sounding happy and relaxed, which was just what Loki had been hoping for.

“This was an amazing idea,” Thor mumbled into the face cradle.

“Yes.”

“Oh good,” En Dwi interrupted. “Should we all chime in? ‘Love is in the air…’”

“Noooo,” Loki groaned as another knot was worked loose from his shoulders. Thor chuckled next to him.

“This is disgusting,” Topaz replied.

“Hush, honey. This is our romance package, so either play quietly or join in.” Loki tensed up for a moment, wondering how this massage was going to proceed. Maybe it was too weird for Thor. Loki was sort-of used to these antics from previous sessions, but this was taking it up a notch, even for En Dwi. Then again, he’d never booked a couples massage before. “Lolo, you’re so tense,” the elder remarked, digging into his muscles a little harder as he finally surrendered to his capable hands.

“I love you,” Thor whispered over to him. Loki blushed, happy he was face down on a table with no one to know about the flush lighting up his cheeks at the moment.

“And we love you!” Manda replied, happy and upbeat as she worked over Thor’s back. “And you love each other,” she whispered as she moved both their hands to intertwine with each other. Loki laughed, squeezing Thor’s hand in his own.

“I love you, boo.” Loki made a kissing noise as Thor squeezed his hand back, chuckling at the new nickname.

***

They laid in bed together that evening, pampered and boneless, lazily stretched across the mattress and each other.

“What did you think?” Loki asked, when he finally felt he had enough energy to talk.

“This was a great idea,” Thor moaned, stretching out even more. “I feel amazing. Though, the atmosphere was a little weird,” he snickered. Loki tried hard not to smile, but eventually his face split into a grin, then into a few snickers of his own, and then he was full out giggling next to Thor.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “En Dwi is amazing, but also a little…”  
“Crazy?” Thor laughed. Loki kissed his lips, drawing up tight against his body.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the end of this chapter! ;D What did you think?
> 
> Fun fact, I didn't know what Tony's spirit animal would be, so I actually found an online quiz that would tell you your spirit animal, answered the questions like Tony might, then got the result. <3 The man is a butterfly. <3 It's so cute and hilarious. I loved it. But feel free to debate me on this. :P Also, there actually is a picture somewhere out there for the antique chess clock timer, but google was not being cooperative in finding it, so you don't get to see the pretty shiny. I'm sorry. <3
> 
> Loki's nail design [here](https://goo.gl/images/sZ8NtP).  
> The nails Loki wishes Thor had done [here](https://goo.gl/images/FL9UbC).  
> The piece of [lingerie](https://goo.gl/images/2r91hh) Loki is thinking of.
> 
> Did you like the bit with En Dwi Gast??? Not gonna lie, I laughed so hard, imagining him as a masseuse and Topaz being his business partner. Haha... I'm still laughing! :P Manda was a nod to Mantis. She has the smallest part...if I tagged her as a character, I almost feel like I should take her out. Because this is all I planned to have her in... :S Still, the whole scene was crazy and hilarious. I enjoyed. I hope it translated well to you all. :)
> 
> The holidays are finally over with, and my life should be getting back to normal, now. None of the next chapter is written yet, so I don't know when a new one will be up. But hopefully I'll have something soon. :S I have six more planned scenes. More might pop up as I write, but that's what I have planned right now. Then it'll be a few months before I come back to this and think about pt. 3. Just FYI. :) <3 Have a great weekend, everyone!!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the home stretch, guys!!! I've got 4-5 more scenes left to write and pt. 2 is finished. <3 So, expect another chapter or two, depending. :) I hope to have this wrapped by March (or end of, at the latest). Also, there will be a pt. 3, which I won't start working on until October this year. The Three Little Words series has been such an amazing project to work on, and it's taken a lot of hard work and dedication. I want to keep that passion and momentum going strong and in order to do that, I need to take a break to work on some new passion projects that have come up. The hope is that by October, I'll want to visit these two crazy kids again, because pt. 3 is going to be amazing. 
> 
> Thank you so much to all of you who have stuck with me through this. I love you all so much for your kids words and encouragement. It's amazing to see how my work has helped and encouraged and inspired each of you, as it has me. <3 Thank you also to my great beta [Tatiana](https://tjc2009-2018.tumblr.com/) and my guest beta [Lord-Huggington](https://lord-huggington.tumblr.com/)!!! You both helped make this chapter even better. :D

Loki turned the key in the lock to his studio, feeling Darcy’s warm embrace from behind. It had been five months spent apart, the longest they’d gone not seeing each other in a long time. This was also the longest he’d gone without seriously painting in quite a while. Painting was usually a compulsion for him, some way to direct the madness within. To look at his work was to see those inner demons that drove him, and it was as terrifying as it was cathartic. Darcy loved to watch it all unfold, when she was in the mood, and she’d planned to spend the entire day with him. He hated an audience, but he always made an exception for her.

“Big moment,” Darcy remarked, squeezing him tighter as he opened the door. He hadn’t been in here since he showed his paintings to Thor’s parents. Today, he was framing a big canvas, making something special, something for Tony.

“Now, I don’t want to hear you complain that I’m making a big piece for free,” he warned her. “I just feel like Tony needs this,” he smiled, marching forward with Darcy still attached to him.

“Alright, alright. Cross my heart, hope to die. Happy?” She let go and stuck her tongue out at him as he smirked back at her.

“Immensely.” He stuck his own tongue out in reply, making her giggle.

“I missed you.” Darcy sat on one the stools by the sink, watching him pull out his framing wood and tools, followed by a large roll of canvas he’d pre-treated a while ago. It was silent for a few minutes as Loki measured out the canvas size and laid out the wood pieces on the hard linoleum. “My mom has dementia.” She’d said it so smoothly, he almost missed it, lost in the task he’d set for himself. But he pulled back, turning his gaze from the floor over to Darcy’s troubled face. The way her lip quivered told him all was not right.

“When did you find out?” Such a stupid question, really. What good would it do Darcy to hash it all out for him? Rub salt in the wound. He should give her a hug, some kind of comfort, tell her things would be okay. But he didn’t know if things would be okay and he was terrible at comfort and he’d just accepted quite a long hug from Darcy and that felt like quite enough at the moment.

“She called me about it and I left for Boston. I still feel like I’m in shock. My mom’s young, Loki. She’s too young for dementia.” She shook her head, wiping a tear from her eye. “I went up there and she was so determined that she wasn’t going to disrupt my life, like she was some kind of burden to me. My own mother.” Loki took a few steps towards her, putting his measuring tape down, and tentatively opened his arms to her.

“I’m so sorry, Darcy,” he consoled. She slid down from the stool and accepted his proffered hug, perhaps holding on a bit too long. But not too long. It was complicated.

“She lives alone up in Boston, and wouldn’t have it any other way, no matter how hard I tried to get her to come live with me.” Loki took her hand in both of his and squeezed, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles along the top of her palm. She smiled back at him. “We picked out a nursing home for her while I was up there.” He watched her blink a few times, trying to stave off some tears. “She’s only in her forties. It’s just not fair.”

“I know.” He took both her hands in his, then pulled Darcy close to rest his forehead against hers. “It’s not fair, and I can’t even imagine, darling.” She hugged him again, and he felt better about it, wrapping his arms around her lower back. “We’ll make it through. I’m always here for you, and Thor gives excellent hugs, and anytime you need some company, or to vent, or a shoulder to cry on, don’t you fret. We will be there.” She sniffed, scratching her nails up his back before pulling away again.

“Thanks, babe,” she smirked. “And, you know, your mom has always liked me. And if you send Thor over with a tablet strapped to his face, and you up on Skype, it’ll be kinda like you’re walking through my door, at least until you’re out of this joint.” Loki laughed, turning back to his frame.

“My mom has always liked you,” he agreed, picking up the nail gun. “Anytime you want a girls day out, she would be thrilled.” Loki crouched down to fit the corner pieces together as Darcy sat back on the stool. “I guess it’s just not the same with her darling son.” They both chuckled as he put the frame together quickly.

Darcy sighed as she leaned back against the wall. “I don’t know. It feels pretty similar to me,” she joked.

“Oh please.” Loki rolled his eyes, standing up from nailing the corners together. “I think we both know it’s quite different,” he argued, starting to measure out his canvas. “But anyways, tell me about your time with your mom. What did you get to do in Boston? How is the ol’ east coast? What was the best meal you had?” 

Darcy clapped her hands. “I have to take you out there. The crab cakes at Legal Seafoods were amazing. And there was another local place—I’m going to have to ask my mom the name of it again. Oh, no, no, I remember. It was called the NoName,” she laughed. “My mom brings her boyfriend there and they bring their own beer and it’s right out on the dock. I had a lobster roll. It was incredible. Oh! And Faneuil Hall. All the fun shopping and street performers!” She laughed. “I almost got us matching friendship bracelets.” Loki smirked, working on securing the canvas to the top of his frame.

“You did not.”

“Did so! There were yellow sunflowers on mine and pink lilies on yours,” she huffed. “I should have bought them.” He put his tools down and leaned against the table.

“I can’t believe you almost got us friendship bracelets,” he laughed.

“I gotta lock this friendship down. It feels like there’s competition, now.”

“What, Thor?” Loki snorted, picking up the staple gun to continue working on the canvas. 

Darcy gasped. “I would never compete with Norwegian Jesus!” That was a new nickname. “I’m talking about that crazy new beau, Brown-Eyed Girl.”

“Tony?” Darcy felt threatened by Tony?

“Anthony, please.” She made a motion like she was flipping open a fan, pretending to fan herself as if what he’d said was such a scandal. He laughed again, but turned to look at her.

“Darcy, I can assure you, you are my dearest darling and nothing and no one could take that place from you.” She shrugged in response.

“Maybe I’m your dearest darling, but what happens when he’s your dearest beau? I dunno.” She looked at her feet, and Loki’s heart clenched. There was a lot going on in her life right now, and he didn’t want to be just another thing she worried about. Loki put his tools down again and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders.

“My dear, you are the best friend I could ever ask for. It was you who helped me through a lot of tough times. You who takes care of me when I’m at my most demanding. When I’m freaking out, it’s you who knows how to take me down. You get me, and you don’t judge, and I’d be lost without you, Norwegian Jesus and Brown-Eyed Girl be damned.” Loki kissed her forehead. He really had missed the easy ebb and flow of their relationship. Usually Darcy was the one to pick him up, but sometimes she would let him return the favor. “Alright, Bombalurina? You wanna help me pull this canvas taut?” 

Darcy laughed, resting her hands on top of his. “Does that make you Demeter Jelliclecat?” 

Loki smiled, pulling her off the stool as he backed up towards the canvas. “In the case of you and me? Yes. We are a pair of queens, and I won’t ever let you go, now.” Loki stuck his tongue out at her as Darcy let herself be pulled along. The smile she gave him was radiant as she nudged his shoulder.

“Thank you, Rum Tum Tugger,” Darcy winked, going over to take charge of the staple gun. They talked for the rest of the afternoon about her trip, how her mom was doing, how he was doing. He gave Darcy her little flower painting that he’d done in oils. She teased him mercilessly about how much of a sap he was, then sat by his feet as he painted an ocean.

***

Loki moaned as Thor licked another small dollop of whip cream off his chest. His cock bounced against his belly with each suck against his sensitive flesh.

“So,” Thor mused, dragging his tongue slowly in a broad circle around his nipple. It was driving him crazy, passing on coherency long ago. “Sif was wondering if she could drop by sometime next week.” Loki cried out, eyes glassy as Thor delivered a harsh suck against his nipple. Did he think Loki needed to be brought to such a state just to agree to meet the woman? He laughed. It wasn’t a bad decision, but it was hilarious. Thor moved, sucking the little mound of cream off his other nipple, effectively shutting him up as he arched up against the blond, drawing in a choked breath. “And what,” Thor sucked up another little bit, “is so funny?” He sat up to look down at Loki, knowing just how distracted he’d made him.

“What?” Loki panted.

“Sif,” Thor smirked, leaning back down and licking his chest just as he eased two fingers inside his tight heat. Loki hadn’t even noticed Thor using the lube. He clenched hard around the warm fingers inside him, arching on the bed as his cock strained against his belly, looking for any kind of friction to help his release.

“Thor…” he cried, covering his eyes with his arms. “Thor, that feels…” He couldn’t finish his sentence, the pleasure coursing through him too overwhelming. Thor massaged his chest, rolling one of his nipples softly between his fingers as his mouth continued to suck against his skin on the other side. The pulling sensation he always felt was drawing him up like a bow, but the moment Thor rubbed against his prostate, it was like the entire spool of thread had rumbled around on the bottom, then given up the last of the string. Suddenly everything was moving much faster. 

“Thor!” he whined, clenching around Thor’s fingers again. “Hnnnnnnnn…” Tears were leaking out his eyes as he gasped for breath. The thread was wiggling around inside of him, without a tether, as his body struggled to process the two very different sensations. “Mmm hmmm,” he chanted, rocking against the fingers pressed inside him.

Thor pulled off his chest with a wet pop. “Is that a yes to Sif?” Loki peeked at him between his arms, watching him as he smirked, then bent down to deliver another lick to Loki’s exposed nipple. Loki took another shaky breath in. 

“I—I...hah...nnnnnggg. Uh huh. Ahhh!” Thor bit down on his nipple as he pushed a third finger into him, and Loki couldn’t hold back any longer. The string pulled loose and he came, hard, all over himself. “YES!” he cried, hips bucking with each pulse that flowed out of him. Thor’s three fingers continued to press and stroke against the little bundle of nerves inside him, coaxing more and more cum from his softening cock, as he sobbed.

Thor trailed kisses up his neck, moving his free hand to entangle it in Loki’s long hair. “Alright, love?” he soothed, massaging the base of Loki’s skull as he placed little kisses along his jawline. His cock twitched one last time as Thor pulled his fingers free.

“How do you do these things to me?” he sniffled, turning on his side and pulling Thor tight against him. Thor’s cock twitched against his belly, hard and ready for him, but he felt too overwrought at the moment. Thor’s arms circled the small of his back as he kissed Loki’s forehead.

“Mmm,” the blond smiled, “you make it so easy, love.” Loki sniffled again, then tilted his head up to kiss Thor’s lips. It felt good to lay skin to skin as their tongues danced around each other. It was soft and relaxed. He pulled back and smiled at Thor, rolling him onto his back and laying atop him. He’d already made a sticky, slimy mess against their bodies, but he didn’t care right now. Thor’s chest was soft as he peppered kisses on it. As he slid back, Thor’s cock caught the rim of his hole for just a moment, and the two of them groaned.

“Can you…” Loki slid back and caught against Thor’s cock again. “Can you wait maybe ten minutes?” He kissed above Thor’s heart, trying to feel the beat of his pulse.

“Loki, don’t feel like you—” Thor broke off with a loud cry as Loki sheathed his cock inside him. He whimpered as he went to lay down again, feeling over-sensitive and full.

“You always take such good care of me,” he panted, enjoying the strained little whines Thor was emitting every time he clenched around his length. “I just need 10 minutes and I’ll be ready to go again,” he sighed, tracing a heart over Thor’s own.

“You want to rest with my cock in you?” Thor replied. It seemed the longer he laid there, the higher pitched Thor’s voice became. It was intriguing and entertaining, and Loki decided he needed to do this again.

“That’s where it belongs,” he murmured, moving to thread his fingers with Thor’s own.

“Oh...hmm...okay,” Thor nodded along, and Loki enjoyed seeing the flush creeping on his face, for once.

“Oh.” He squeezed again, hard, watching Thor’s face scrunch up in an effort to keep still. “It’s yes to Sif,” he smiled. Thor nodded again.

“Okay.” 

He laid his head back down on Thor’s chest, closing his eyes. When a few minutes had gone by in silence, he could feel Thor shaking beneath him, and a slow smile drew up on his face. Oh yes, he would definitely have to do this again.

***

Loki laid back in the lounge chair, forcing himself to take a deep breath in and not get up to pace around the small garden area. So far, he was doing alright. It had only taken 15 minutes to leave his room to go outside, which was better than 20, and better still than 25. When he’d agreed to meet Sif, he’d also decided to set a goal for himself to meet her in a more neutral space, one where he might not fidget so much with her being there. Thor’s parents hadn’t spent much time in his room, and he knew everyone else quite well by now. Other newcomers, it was always a toss up how his brain would react. 

But he loved the outdoors. His loft looked right out over a park, and it was so common for him to stare out the window at the nature below when he was stressed, or needing a change in scenery. Sometimes he actually took a picnic blanket out to the park and laid out on the grass, if the weather was nice. It was a habit he probably developed in that very same hospital room as a child, staring out at all the beautiful flowers instead of looking back at the dark, scary machinery in the room. For this particular meeting, he’d gotten someone to place two lounge chairs out in the courtyard and a small table which he’d placed some drinks and snacks upon.

He’d even done his homework before choosing to go outside. He’d talked things over with Bruce and again with Eir. Bruce thought it would be a good test environment for him. With how things were looking, and the continued uptick in his energy levels and blood counts, Bruce was feeling optimistic for releasing him at the end of October or early November, and felt the courtyard would be a good place to see how he reacted to things outside a sterile environment. It was closed in, no one from outside the hospital could walk into it, very few people would be out, if any, and if there was an issue, the staff wasn’t far away. It was a go from Dr. Banner. Eir spoke to him about over-planning and hyper-focusing on a schedule, making sure he kept things calm, even with an appointment on his calendar. This time around, it didn’t feel like such a big deal. 

He asked the nursing staff if he could have a snack for outside, and he brought out some of the fizzy waters his mother kept stocked for him. Other than that, he tried not to focus too much on the stress of meeting Thor’s closest friend. He wanted things to go well, but first meetings were always stressful. There was a reason he didn’t make that many new friends. So for the third time in the last 12 minutes, he took some deep breaths and counted down. He needed to be rested and engaged, not sweaty and exhausted because he’d stressed too much and worn himself out pacing about the courtyard. 

He was meeting Sif at 3 pm, so he’d started his whole process at 2, just to be sure. He tidied things up in his rooms, found a nice bag to carry the waters in, checked the room again, washed his hands, stopped himself from checking the room a second time and instead worked on one of his counting exercises before he finally made it out of the room at 2:25.

His first stop was to give Jane some big puppy dog eyes and ask for some pre-washed, individually packaged apple slices and a couple bags of single serving sized chips, which she happily obliged. His second was to make the short trek down to the doors leading to the courtyard, followed by another few minutes psyching himself up to go out into the open air He’d stood there for almost five minutes. It had been almost a year since he’d stepped foot outside the hospital, and it was a big moment for him. And, of course, he’d spent a little of his time thinking he’d made a huge mistake telling Sif they’d meet outside, but ultimately, he’d pulled himself together and strode through the doors without looking back. 

And it was beautiful outside. The sun was out, a little hot for his liking, but it was almost a shock to his system being in the fresh air again. He probably looked a little funny as he bent down to caress the grass and smell the flowers on his way over to the lounge chairs. It had been perfect. Even more so when he’d slipped his sandals off and walked barefoot in the grass for a few moments. He’d come prepared with his sunglasses and his giant sun hat, a light, gauzy sweater to cover his arms, and a comfortable pair of harem pants to match, and as he sunk down onto the lounge chair, he had 15 minutes to spare.

Well, that was 12 minutes ago, and now he was checking his phone more often than he should to check the time. She certainly wasn’t late, he reminded himself, and she was leaving work early today, so she might be late, and it was nothing he should concern himself with. It wasn’t like he had anything he needed to get to today. If Sif was late, there was nothing wrong with that.

“Loki?” a woman’s voice cut through his thoughts as he opened his eyes and looked towards the direction of the door into the hospital.

“Sif? Is that you?” he smiled, stretching out on the lounge chair. All the planning and the warm sun was making him tired, after all. When she was almost to their little secluded spot, he whipped off his sunglasses and stood up, giving her a cheeky little smile. From their conversations, he knew she wasn’t one for artifice. If she was going to like him, he had to be himself, which meant no customer-pleasing smiles, and no pretending things were fine. She wasn’t a bullshitter, and it made him anxious. Half his day was lying to himself about how fine everything was, after all.

“Hey,” she waved, making her way over to him. It seemed his days of dizziness were long behind him, and he was immensely grateful for that. And now it was like a standoff. 

He didn't know how to greet her. Did he shake her hand? Give her a hug? Kiss her on the cheek like they were European? Ignore it all and just offer her a seat? He opened his mouth, trying frantically to make up his mind, and closed it again, giving a glance over to the other lounge chair.

“You’re thinking entirely too much over there,” Sif chuckled. Loki played with the hem of his shirt.

“Well, I’m worrying over how to greet you, of all things,” he sighed. Sif smiled, holding up her hands.

“Thor warned me, so they’re fresh washed, I promise.” Then she pulled at his elbow, extending his arm out and made a fist with her own hand. He smiled at her ease, feeling better about it and made his own fist, bumping it against hers.

“That works,” he chuckled, nervously motioning over to the other lounger. “Well, there’s some snacks and drinks here, and I’ve got a nice lounge chair for you, so please, make yourself comfortable. It’s…” Loki went to lay down again when she did and he put his sunglasses back on. “I’m glad I finally get to meet you.” He turned on his side to watch her. In some ways, Sif felt like a big sister he’d never had. They’d texted back and forth so often he felt almost...comfortable with her. Which was unusual for him.

“This is perfect.” Sif stretched out in the sun, putting her own sunglasses on and grabbing a can of the sparkling water. “Thor and Fandral are having me over for dinner tonight, so I’m really getting spoiled by you boys,” she smiled, lazy and happy in the lounger next to him.

“What’s on the menu?” Loki asked, curious. He didn’t remember Thor mentioning dinner with Sif. Maybe he hadn’t wanted Loki to know. He probably wanted to know what Sif thought of him the moment they were done. Loki snagged a bag of apple slices and turned onto his back, chewing on one slowly. Or maybe he thought Loki would read too much into it like he was doing now...

“Well, a funny thing happened the other day,” Sif chuckled. “Fandral likes to consider himself a bit of a gourmet, and Thor has never seen the point to cooking if he can grill, so he challenged Fandral to a cook off. Traditional Virginia seafood bake vs. paella. Personally, I think Thor knows he’s full of shit and he just wanted some paella.” Loki laughed, grinning over at Sif.

“Considering he’s not said a thing to me, I think you’d be correct. Thor will go to a lot of trouble for a good meal,” Loki grinned. “Are you to be the judge, then?” He popped another apple slice in his mouth.

“I was, until Fandral said I would be biased, having grown up in Virginia.” She chuckled, taking a drink from the can. “So we’ve got two kids from Brooklyn deciding what’s good seafood. In the Midwest. Steve and Bucky are coming over with Peggy to watch all of their shenanigans unfold. And I just get some good fucking food!” She pumped her fists in the air as the both of them laughed. After the third apple slice, he looked back over to Sif.

“Sometimes I feel like Thor doesn’t tell me about the things you guys do because he doesn’t want to bum me out.” He sighed. “Because that party sounds like fun, now, and I wish I could go.” He smiled sadly, putting another apple slice in his mouth. “But I miss out on the fun stories if he says nothing. So it’s a catch-22.” Sif patted his leg as he shrugged, taking another sip of her drink.

“You’d hate it anyways. A bunch of people drinking and making asses of themselves. No intellectual conversation in sight. We don’t even talk about van Gogh.” She shook her head, turning the whole thing into a laughably lamentable situation. He knew she was joking about hating it, but he appreciated her trying to convince him of it.

“Well,” he played along, swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat, “everyone knows it’s not a party without van Gogh.” He crossed his legs, finishing off the apples. It was quiet between them as Sif opened a bag of pretzels. “Careful,” Loki teased, “wouldn’t want to ruin your appetite.” He stuck his tongue out at her.

“Whatever, shrimp,” she rolled her eyes.

“Shrimp?”

“Yeah, shrimp.” She crunched down on a pretzel. Loki probably had a good couple inches on her, but apparently she’d decided he was the small one in this relationship. He laughed, watching the little smile creep onto Sif’s face. “We could video call you tonight, if you want. Broadcast the results of our cookoff.” He hummed as he thought about it. Things had been a lot quieter since Tony had left. He wasn’t quite so desperate for a distraction, but it might be fun.

“Well, if you all aren’t too drunk, you can call. But only if I get to put in a judgement on presentation.” He stuck his nose in the air like some haughty know-it-all, but couldn’t keep a straight face for long as Sif started laughing at him.

“Alright, Alton,” she snickered, throwing a pretzel at him. Loki grabbed it before it hit him, eating it triumphantly.

“Thank you,” he smiled, leaning back into the chair.

“I can see why he likes you,” Sif replied, finishing off the rest of her drink. Loki flushed. It was one thing to talk about Thor with Darcy, but quite another to be talking about him with someone who knew him probably better than Loki did himself.

“Thank you,” he murmured, curling up a little on the lounger. He wasn’t sure what to say to that.

“I was prepared to really not like you,” Sif confessed. “Or, at least, to actively keep him from you.” Well, this was taking a painful turn for him. “And it had nothing to do with you as a person, but everything to do with what you brought into Thor’s life. Pain, uncertainty, a very good chance that he could ruin his career, and all because he fell head over heels for a patient.” Loki compulsively opened another bag of apples, shoving one in his mouth.  _ He  _ was going to ruin his appetite at this point. 

“But every time Thor talked about you, or made plans to do something just so he could share it with you, or took some self-care measure because you’d blown up at him about it, I started to like you more and more.” Another apple went in and he was glad for his sunglasses at this point, because his eyes were swimming. Sif was gonna say he was too much for Thor. Not worthy of him. How dare he put him through all this trouble. “And when you started texting me, asking me to be your lookout, I really...I could feel how much he meant to you. And I was glad of it. Glad of all of it. The stress, the heartaches, the worry, the numerous times he would just give me that look, like he was a dead man.” 

Loki turned away from her, trying to wipe his eyes discreetly. He’d not seen much of this,Thor’s worry. It was there, sure, but he didn’t look at Loki like he was dying and needed a savior. Though, it was starting to change, ever since he’d forced Thor to open up.

“What I’m trying to say, very poorly I think, is that I like you, and greatly admire what you’ve done for yourself, and I love how you’ve challenged Thor to change for the better. And I just… I hope you see it, and know how strong you really are, Loki.” Sif crunched down on the rest of her pretzels, giving him some space and time to think. What was he supposed to say to that? He wiped a few stray tears from his eyes.

“Thank you?” he mumbled. “I really don’t know what to say.” His hands trembled as he clutched the plastic containing the apple slices. It had been a compliment as much as an insult, and his insides were all churned up about it. He chewed on another apple slice, slowly, letting Sif’s words really sink in before he turned over to her. “No, no I do.” 

His brows furrowed as he looked at her, his forehead wrinkling. “Listen, it’s not about changing Thor. I haven’t tried to change him. Thor is his own,” he asserted. “His choices. His hard work into bettering himself. And I will always support that. But it’s not like I’m in this to turn him into someone else. I love him as he already is. He doesn’t need to change for me to love him, and I can’t imagine anything changing that.” Sif smiled and hummed across from him as he continued to scowl.

“And another thing,” he whipped his sunglasses off, “I didn’t set out into all this to ruin anyone’s career. I didn’t set out to make Thor’s life stressful or full of pain. It eats me up how my illness has hurt the ones I love. But the situation is what it is, and I am who I am, and if you think there’s anything wrong with that, then…” She’d made him so angry, and he was nervous saying these next words, because he wasn’t sure how it would change things if she did, but it wasn’t right. He didn’t choose his illnesses. Life had been what it had been. Sure, she might admire him, but if she blamed him for what he brought to Thor’s life? “...then you can just shove off.” He crunched the bag of apples in his fist, crinkling the wrapper nervously as the silence stretched between them. 

“Thank you,” she murmured, placing a hand on top of his, stilling his nervous tick. That’s all I wanted to hear.” She leaned the lounger back further, stretching out in the sun. Loki stared at her, dumbfounded for a few moments.

“This was a test?” he gaped. Sif hummed again.

“Nope.” She popped the ‘p’ as she spoke, then smiled over at him. “But then again, maybe,” she laughed, clearly enjoying the dumbstruck look on his face. Loki pouted, shoving another apple slice into his mouth as he slipped his sunglasses back on.

“You’re crafty.” He wiggled his last remaining apple slice at her and Sif snatched it out of his hand, taking a large bite.

“I just wanted to know how you really felt,” she shrugged, eating the rest of the apple. Loki crossed his arms and stuck his tongue out at her. “And you’re right. I was being really unfair to you when all of this started, and I’m sorry for that. No matter the hurdles, you make Thor so happy, and that will always put you at #1 in my book.”

It smarted a little to know what she really thought of him. There was a reason people lied, to each other, to themselves. But she also had a lot of good things to say. Sif seemed very protective of others, and he supposed it made sense she would have thought of him as nothing but a threat at the beginning. “Well, I hope you’re satisfied,” he sniffled, trying to play off his hurt. He was glad things had changed.

“Tremendously,” she grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I had a beta say the part about the tablet was a little confusing and I wanted to share a video clip about it, but I just couldn't find it. This was something I saw on Cougar Town (if any of you watched that show), where one character literally taped a tablet to his head that had someone on it as a Skype call. The person who was on the tablet talked to their GF, and the GF talked back to the tablet, then the person who had decided to be nice and do this like danced around and held the girl so she could feel like the person on Skype was really there. That's what Darcy was talking about with sending Thor over with the tablet strapped to his face. :P Not that Thor would do exactly what I described, but the general idea.
> 
> The places I mentioned in Boston, Legal Seafoods IS super amazing. Also, my parents used to live in Boston (a long time ago) and said the NoName used to be really fun and they'd go there for good food right off the docks. So I added that in. And Faneuil Hall is a lot of fun. Touristy, but fun. ;) The friendship bracelets are in honor of some souvenirs I got when I went there. There was a guy who would etch your name and a little drawing into a piece of clear stone, then paint a color over it. I loved it as a kid. Mine was pink and my sister had one that was yellow. Hers had sunflowers, but mine had dolphins on it. They were great. <3 I wish I still had that... 
> 
> Bombalurina and Demeter is a reference to the musical Cats. ;) Which I am not a big fan of, but for some reason it popped into my head for the two of them. <3 And then I proceeded to have a great debate on Discord about whether Loki was more of a Rum Tum Tugger or a Macavity. But I decided, the way I'd written Loki in this fic was more like Rum Tum Tugger. MCU Loki is probably more a Macavity. Haha!
> 
> And that's it for this chapter!! :D I hope you enjoyed the hot hot porn and the cockwarming that I added in here. >:) However, now that I've finished it, I feel like there should have been another scene with Thor and Loki in it....... :/ *sigh* Oh well. It's done, and it is what it is. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> I'm ktspree13 on pretty much any platform (Tumblr, Twitter, Pillowfort, etc). Come say hello!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!!! It's almost been 3 months since my last update, folks!! Ugh! I'm trying to be better about finishing this out, and we're sooo close!!! Life has been crazy busy. Do you know how bad it is for your health and stress levels to have 30 days to find a new place to move to and sort your life out?? Let me tell you, very bad. So I cut myself a break and moved with my parents once again. Which is fine, honestly. I'm glad I had that option because I was making myself really just sick with stress. Now that it's over, and I've used most of April to recover from it, I'm starting to get back into writing this again. 
> 
> I want to say thank you to my amazing reviewers who keep me going. Honestly, your words mean so much to me, and I can't even tell you how amazing it is to hear how this fic has helped you in your own lives. <3 <3 <3 I hope you enjoy this new installment! If you get a chance, let me know your thoughts! :D

It was 8pm and Loki’s phone started buzzing. He was in the study, for a change, reading in the large comfortable chair in there. Sometimes he fell asleep at weird angles, so he’d been reading in bed lately, but today he wanted the comforting smell of the leather and the small space to enclose himself in. He was reading selections from Annie Dillard’s “Pilgrim at Tinker Creek,” which he liked to pull out when he was feeling anxious and unsettled. Her book talked all about slowing down and noticing the small things around one’s self and he found it helpful.

When he answered the call, it was a video chat. Sif was on the other end with a bunch of loud boys in the background. He smiled at her as she selfie’d in the rest of the scene behind her.

“We’re calling you!!” she laughed, blowing a kiss at the screen. Loki put his book down and laughed. She was clearly having a good time.

“So you are,” he grinned, blowing back a kiss her way.

“Thor!” she giggled, turning away from the screen. “Loki just blew me a kiss! I think he likes me better!!” Loki put a hand over his eyes as he tried to contain his laughter. Thor was shouting back that it was impossible. He looked like he was serving up food still and Loki wondered if they’d had a late start to dinner.

“Have you all eaten yet?” he asked. Sif turned back to him and smirked.

“Of course not, silly. You’re our judge on presentation!” She’d given the last word of her sentence a particular flair and Loki snorted at her antics. Right now, he wished more than anything that he, too, could have been three sheets to the wind, getting buzzed on Pims Cups and sweet Old Fashioneds. He missed being out in the world, he realized, and it had never been more clear to him than right now. There was life outside, and vibrancy. Friendship, camaraderie, more than just this slow trudge of working and recuperating.

“Alright,” he brightened, putting on a brave face, a ridiculous, snooty looking face at that. “What do we have here?”

Sif giggled again, moving over towards where Thor was grilling and turned the camera around. He saw Steve and Bucky sitting at a high table, wearing silly hats and glasses that mentioned they were the judges. They’d also set out a jar that said “Bribes.” He found it even funnier that there was a single dollar inside. Everyone waved as Sif panned the phone over them until Fandral walked out onto the roof holding a large pan and several fancy looking plates. Everyone quieted down as the cookoff came to a final close. He watched as Thor carefully arranged his seafood platter and Fandral meticulously plated his paella. Then the plates were brought before the judges and Sif walked over to zoom in on the food. 

Loki’s mouth watered as he stared down at the plates. It all looked so delicious and it made it even worse that he couldn’t be there to enjoy and taste the food himself. Truth be told, Fandral’s looked extremely professional, but he liked the way Thor had used a big platter to serve up his feast, and it was cute the way the crabs looked like they were crawling across golden sand corn cobs. “Well,” he started off, trying to make it lighthearted and fun. “Fandral wins for professionalism and clean lines,” he decided, smirking at the whoop he heard in the background. “But Thor wins on creativity.”

There was a loud “YES!” in the background, causing Loki to laugh again and he had to put the phone down for a moment to wipe a stray tear from his eye. He swallowed before putting his happy face back on and picking the phone back up. Thor and Fandral were each talking about their dishes and trying to outdo each other. It made Loki smile to watch the competition go down. Steve and Bucky had such serious faces on as they each sampled the food in front of them. Fandral tried to slip another bill into the bribes jar but Sif swatted his hand away. 

In the end, Fandral’s dish won. The judges’ decisions were final, but Thor didn’t look put out by it in the least. He already had a huge helping of Fandral’s dish on his plate, along with an entire crab and some corn on the cob. Loki laughed as they all waved at him. He waved back then spent a few minutes chatting with everyone there. By the time Thor got the phone he was almost done eating, and Loki couldn’t hold back his tears any longer. He wanted to be there, curled up next to Thor in his ballet flats and killer sunglasses, rocking a flowy tank top and capri leggings. It wasn’t fair. He smiled as he wiped the tears away and kissed the screen of his phone.

“I miss you,” he smiled, waving at Thor again. “Your view looks amazing.”

“I’m sorry, love.” Thor blew a kiss back at him. “I wish you were here, too,” he replied, reading Loki’s mind. “But you will be. Just think how crazy a party we’re all going to throw you when you’re free from that joint,” Thor promised as a rousing cheer went up around him. A cry of “Just you wait!” filtered through his ears and he held back a sob. Thor’s friends seemed like great people, really. Maybe not exactly his type, but he was sure he’d come to love them.

“I can’t wait,” he sniffed, wiping his eyes again. “But I’m gonna go, OK?” He booped Thor’s nose on the screen, smiling as the blond smiled back at him.

“Alright. But promise me you’ll do something happy, OK? Watch something funny, maybe?” Fandral came up and slung his arm over Thor’s shoulders, planting a large kiss to his cheek.

“You hang in there, little dove,” Fandral smiled. He had a beer in his other hand, and a crab claw in the hand around Thor’s shoulder, teasing Thor with it as they talked. Loki smiled back at them. He did feel happy knowing Thor had such good friends.

“I’ll turn John Mulaney on, okay?”

“Alright.” Thor traced a heart over the screen then panned around the rest of the party to say goodbye. It looked like the other four were engaged in some kind of crazy drinking game and Loki just shook his head. Thor certainly had a lively group of friends. “I love you,” Thor murmured, only for him to hear. Loki’s heart pounded a little stronger in his chest as he stared back at Thor. Some days he still couldn’t believe they were dating.

“I love you,” he said back, stroking a finger down the screen across Thor’s face. The screen went blank and he spent the next two hours curled up on the leather chair, reading occasionally, but mostly feeling homesick and too exhausted to move.

***

Loki awoke to Thor sliding in behind him in the bed, wrapping his large arms around his body. Thor only slept in his boxers, and Loki had found he liked all the skin contact. He opened his eyes, staring blearily at the clock on his bedside table. It was 6am and Thor didn’t start work until noon. He made a few nonsensical noises as he turned around in the larger man’s embrace. His hair was still damp, Loki noted, thinking he must have showered for work before coming over.

“What’s happening?” he asked, voice hoarse from sleep as he snuggled in against Thor’s broad chest. He wound his own arms around Thor’s waist as his eyes closed again.

“You didn’t sound right on the phone.” His voice was low and comforting, settling deeply in Loki’s belly as he listened to him. 

Loki hummed in reply, pressing against Thor more firmly as he settled back into sleep. “I love you,” he mumbled, placing a sloppy kiss on Thor’s lovely, bare chest. 

Thor’s chest shook as he laughed. “I love you too.” Loki felt a kiss to his forehead as Thor rubbed up and down his back.

“I think I’m done being here.” It had been over five months of recovery already. He still wasn’t back to his normal energy levels, but he could make it painting for an hour or two a day, usually. He found it easier to stay awake, but he was still dead tired by the end of the day. Most often he was able to sleep in his own bed, though, which made him happy. But he was done. Done being in the hospital, done being without his own space, done with people constantly coming in to check on him, not being able to go to where he wanted, get what he needed for himself, done with feeling out of sorts.

Bruce had said his numbers were still looking a little low, the last they’d checked, and he wanted Loki to stay for another couple months to really make sure he was on track. No one wanted to see him relapse and need to return.

One of Thor’s hands came to rest on the back of his neck. “I told Sif it might not be the best idea to call.” Loki breathed in deeply, letting Thor’s scent calm him.

“No,” he protested, weakly, “it was fun. I enjoyed getting to participate with all of you.” Loki yawned, smushing his face up against Thor’s chest.

“I didn’t want you to feel sad, though,” Thor told him.

“I know.” Loki yawned again. “But I hate when you don’t tell me things. So, it’s a no win situation.” He was fast falling back asleep. If Thor wanted to talk, he would need to make it clear.

“Loki?” Thor clung to him a little tighter, running his hands up and down Loki’s back. It felt good, distracting enough to keep him awake.

“Hmm?”

“Would you move in with me, when you get out of here?” Thor seemed to hold his breath after the question and Loki let out a long sigh, opening his eyes.

“No,” he told him, honestly, feeling Thor tense against him. “And not because I don’t want to, but because I can’t, Thor. It wouldn’t be healthy for either of us,” he explained.

“What do you mean?” Thor pushed away from him a little to look at his face, and Loki immediately missed their closeness. He couldn’t believe they were doing this now, but Thor had thrown it out there, and he didn’t want to put it off.

Loki pushed away from Thor completely and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his tired eyes with a groan. Thor sat up with him and Loki looked him in the eye. “I mean, it’s very difficult for me to share my space with anyone. I need to just be, for a while. Be in my own space, go back to my regular routine. I want you to get to know me outside this hospital, to really know what I’m like without all the nerves and scary diagnoses hanging over us.” Thor picked up one of his hands and placed a kiss atop it. “And only then, I think, will I be ready to discuss living together. And even then, it might be best if we find a completely new place that’s neither yours nor mine and make it our own.” He crawled into Thor’s lap and hugged him, resting his head on Thor’s shoulder as Thor circled his arms around Loki in return.

Thor breathed in, “I just…” Loki waited for Thor to continue, matching his breaths to Thor’s own. Deep, even pulls into their lungs. “The offer wasn’t made lightly,” Thor explained. “I just want you to know...I’m in this for the long haul.” Loki’s heart beat faster in his chest as he listened to Thor’s words. He may not know Loki outside the realm of the hospital, but regardless, he wanted to know him. Thor sniffled, reaching up to wipe a tear from his eye. “All I can think of are really cheesy movie lines right now,” he choked, trying to laugh and lighten the mood. Loki leaned back, holding Thor’s face between his hands. “‘So it’s not gonna be easy,’” he smiled. “It’s gonna be really hard. We’re gonna have to work at this every day.’” He kissed Thor, enjoying just how fiercely Thor returned his affection.

“‘But I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever.’”

‘“You and me, everyday.’” It was one of those horribly sappy movies that made both of them cry as they watched it. And, of course, they had watched it the day Loki had worried Thor would be taken from him, after his parents had found out about them. So he’d collapsed in Thor’s lap as they watched The Notebook and blubbered all over each other. “It’s not cheesy,” he sniffled, wiping away a tear of his own.

“‘You are a song, a dream, a whisper, and I don’t know how I could have lived without you for as long as I have,’” Thor quoted another line from the movie. 

Loki shoved a hand into Thor’s face, pushing him down onto the bed. “Ok, now you’re being cheesy,” he laughed, squealing as Thor tickled his sides. “Ok, ok, I surrender!” he offered as Thor let up. Loki laid down on top of him, pressing an ear over Thor’s heart and letting himself calm down. The steady thumping of Thor’s heart was comforting and eventually his hands moved to play with Thor’s hair. “I know you didn’t make that offer lightly,” Loki affirmed. 

“And I know it wasn’t easy to be completely honest. So, thank you for that. I think I can live with your terms,” Thor smiled, tangling his own hands in Loki’s long hair and kissing him. Loki pushed his tongue easily alongside Thor’s own, letting the slippery slide of their tongues guide the kiss. He took a deep pull in through his nose as he tilted his head, getting a better angle alongside Thor’s mouth, giving him more access.

Thor’s hands came to trace little circles along his temples, dragging his fingertips down towards Loki’s jaw and back up. It felt nice, soothing, keeping his mind focused on Thor, on the push and pull of their tongues, the smacking of their lips. The pressure of warm lips against his own felt good as he pushed his fingers through Thor’s hair, massaging his scalp.

When they broke apart, Loki laid his ear back above Thor’s heart, listening to the quicker beats as they panted together. “You don’t know me outside this,” Loki exhaled, letting his hands lie on top of Thor’s chest. It was plump and cushion-y, and he liked using him for a pillow. “I don’t usually need to see Eir this often. I usually don’t need to watch my routines so much. I’ve felt so helpless here, which I haven’t felt very often outside this hospital,” he frowned. “And I’m hoping I can get back to that place when I leave.”

Thor hummed beneath him, the sound tickling Loki’s cheek as the vibrations reached down into his chest. “Do you really think I won’t love you if I don’t need to take care of you?” Thor asked, stroking up and down his back. 

“It’s a possibility,” Loki sighed.

“Loki, I fell in love with you, not with what I get to do for you,” Thor smiled. “I fell in love with your energy, your rebellious spirit, the amazing things you do. I fell in love with your determination, your passion. It isn’t this illness that keeps me here. And I think you’re well aware, by now, that it wasn’t the taboo nature of our relationship that I liked. It’s you.” Thor placed a kiss on the top of his head, scratching pleasantly up and down his back as Loki let out a little moan, pressing closer to Thor.

“I know,” Loki mumbled back. “I just…” He felt awful thinking it, doubting Thor in this way, but it wasn’t just Thor he doubted. It was himself. He wanted to be as sure as he could, because forever was a big decision, a major commitment…

“...need to be sure,” Thor smiled, finishing his sentence for him. 

Loki placed a kiss to his sternum, propping himself up on his forearms. “Yeah.”

Thor grinned, grabbing a firm hold of his ass. “Anything I can do to help convince you?” he winked. Loki laughed as his belly churned pleasantly, thinking of all the ‘convincing’ Thor might do. He gave a quick glance to the clock, though he knew they had plenty of time.

“Mmm,” he smiled, leaning down to capture Thor’s lips. “I’m not horny enough for anal, and it’s too early, but if you hold me, I’ll give us a handzie.” Loki winked before bursting out laughing at how quickly Thor nodded his head yes. He leaned down again, sharing a filthy wet kiss between them before pulling back and reaching over to his bedside table and grabbing one of the warming lubes he owned. He wanted a warm, lazy fap, and Thor was just going to have to be ok with that.

Thor sat up, shucking his boxers and leaning against the headboard. He stuffed a pillow behind his back as Loki crawled into his lap. He’d worn some lacy underwear tonight, a detail Thor was just realizing, and the blond groaned as he lifted up Loki’s nightshirt to get a better look.

“I love when you do this,” Thor said, running a finger up Loki’s length, pausing at the top to pull the underwear down just enough for his head to peek out. Thor gave his frenulum a little massage, watching Loki fondly as he teased him. Loki moaned, falling forward against Thor as the sensations coursed through his body. His cock twitched in Thor’s loose hold as Loki mewled.

“Ok, enough.” Loki let out a shaky breath as he kneeled over Thor’s lap, letting the blond pull down the lacy panties, then moved enough so he could pull them off completely. When Thor was done, he squirted a large amount of lube into his hand, sunk down on Thor’s lap, and captured both their cocks between his long fingers with a satisfied moan. This was exactly where he wanted to be right now.

“Fuck,” Thor groaned, letting his head fall back against the headboard. “I love having your cock next to mine.” Loki smiled, a blush creeping on his face as Thor’s large arms circled around his body, pulling Loki to rest against him, doing as he was asked, as Loki slowly stroked their cocks, making sure both were well coated with the warming lube. 

Loki’s breath hitched as his hand worked the two of them over. He started at a faster pace with his hand, working to activate the lube, and when he felt it sufficiently warm against his length, he slowed, sighing in pleasure as Thor held him. “Is it too warm?” he asked, not sure if Thor had ever used different types of lube.

“It feels good, whatever it is,” he groaned, letting his hips rock into Loki’s hand every so often. Loki placed a kiss to his clavicle. Thor always knew just how to make him feel safe and secure. Right now, the lazy, unrelenting strokes against their cocks, surrounded by Thor’s arms, held, loved, it was intimate. A cocoon for Loki to be wrapped up in and cared for. 

And he loved how responsive Thor was. Already, he was groaning and leaking pre-cum all down Loki's hand, dribbling splashes of hot seed, mixing with the warming lube and continuing to ease the way of Loki’s hand. “I wish we could stay this way for a century,” Loki sighed, his hips bucking forward as he hit a sweet spot. “I could spend a century like, this, and a century more worshiping your body.” Thor kissed his temple, smiling against his skin as Loki’s eyes closed sleepily.

“And I would spend a century more just on you, where just a brush of my fingers could bring you such pleasure.” Thor punctuated his words by trailing his fingertips along the pink little furl nestled inside his crease. He let out a wanton moan, shivering in Thor’s embrace as his free hand gripped at Thor’s plentiful chest.

“To cum from just a touch?” he panted. “That would be a delicious feat, indeed.” This was exactly what he’d envisioned when he’d asked Thor to hold him. The warmth seeping into his bones, into their cocks. It was comforting, lulling, almost pulling him into a trance as he kept up the slow, steady pace. Every so often, he’d let out a soft little huff when he grazed his thumb over the top of both their cocks. With his eyes shut, Loki couldn’t really tell how Thor was faring, but it felt like he was holding back, trying to let Loki take what he needed as he worked them over. It felt special, what they were doing; different from before. “You don’t have to hold yourself back for me, my little macaron,” Loki smiled, massaging Thor’s chest to get his point across.

Thor let out a deep sigh, placing another kiss along Loki’s temple. “You look so happy and content, though. I don’t want to—” Loki squeezed their cocks together, punching a moan from Thor’s chest as he bucked up into Loki’s hand. He took a shaky breath before responding, “I didn’t want to disturb the moment.” He let out a few more deep grunts as Loki rocked against him, scooting closer, eliminating the space between them even more.

He let his thumb circle around Thor’s nipple whenever he circled their slits, gathering the pre-cum they were both leaking and using it to keep everything slick. “It’s a warming lube,” he told Thor, letting out little whines with every squeeze and twist of his hand. “I just wanted to be warm all over.”

Thor’s breath was coming out quicker and quicker, hot little exhales against Loki’s skin. “I love it.” He captured Loki’s lips, opening to tangle their tongues together as Loki’s hand circled around their heads, pulling up and down on their cocks as they swallowed down each other’s moans. When they came together it was with a deep, shuddering arch of their bodies, pressing against each other like they might eventually meld into one.

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the beta's who helped me out on this chapter. Tatiana and Nikolaus Chaser. You guys are awesome!
> 
> Normally I write a bit more down here, but I'm just tired tonight, guys, and I want to get this out to you asap. <3 I'm seeing Endgame in T-40 hours, folks! It's been hard avoiding these spoilers... :( But I'm crossing my fingers I enjoy. <3
> 
> Have a good night and come find me on social media! I'm ktspree13 on Tumblr and Twitter!!


End file.
